Sunday Family Humour 10th April

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

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Idle Thoughts

Thanks to Ray O'.

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know

what to feed it.

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I had amnesia once -- or twice.

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I went to San Francisco . I found someone's heart. Now what?

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Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

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All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

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If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride side saddle.

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What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

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Someone told me I was gullible and I believed them.

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Teach a child to be polite and courteous and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.

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Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

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One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

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My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.

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I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

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The high cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

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How can there be self-help "groups"?

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If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

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Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.

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Is it just me--or do buffalo wings really taste like chicken?

Only There

Thanks to Alex

Google Presentation

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Rules are Rules

Thanks to Larry

The Good News:

It was a normal day in Sharon Springs, Kansas, when a Union Pacific crew boarded a loaded coal train for the long trek to Salina.

The Bad News:

Just a few miles into the trip a wheel bearing became overheated and melted, letting a metal support drop down and grind on the rail, creating white hot molten metal droppings spewing down to the rail.

The Good News:

A very alert crew noticed smoke about halfway back in the train and immediately stopped the train in compliance with the Rules.

The Bad News:

The train stopped with the hot wheel over a wooden bridge with creosote ties and trusses.

The crew tried to explain to higher-ups, but were instructed not to move the train!

They were instructed that the Rules prohibit moving the train when a part is defective!

REMEMBER, RULES ARE RULES!

Don't ever let common sense get in the way of a good disaster!

Behind closed doors

Thanks to Ray M.

This is what the Mona Lisa does when the museum is closed

Are you Sitting Comfortably

Thanks To Ray M.

Google Presentation

Inner Peace: This is so true

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without alcohol,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

...Then You Are Probably .........

The Family Dog!

And here you thought I was going to get all spiritual on you...

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