WorkShop: 2016-04-16 INTRO HCD
Interview with Joan
Profile:
Female
70 years old
Retired Nurse and School Teacher
Doing some part time work in Nursing
Edwin:
I doing this project where we are developing an empathy training curriculum and we are going out and interviewing people about what their needs are for empathy training? So do you have any needs for empathy training?
Anonymous20
As I've mentioned in the past I might need training for a lot of things but empathy I don't think is one of those areas that I have a big deficit. I feel like between being a parent, where I focused on my daughter all those years, not that it had much success in her behavior. But I think I really was clued into her completely. May that was part of the problem. And being a nurse and teacher, that just goes with the territory. I think professionally, as a parent, in my relationships, with my mom, I just feel like it's not something that I feel is a big deficit. I feel like I could work on other things.
I think it important for everybody and if somebody has a lack or a deficit it would be good. Like today I listened to the radio and there as an autistic man and his relationships. We know that in autism there is a difficulty in reading people.
There are a lot of people that are not clued in to the needs and the reactions of others. If I wasn't I would be a really awful teacher and an awful nurse. You don't just focus on how to teach or anatomy or physiology, you focus on relating to people and trying to asset them. That is a big part of it. I think part of it is training and part of it is who you are to begin with.
I feel like, that you can have too much empathy but I'm very susceptible to feeling what other people are feeling.
I am very sensitive and that is one of my weaknesses. I feel things a great deal but I wouldn't want to be the person on the radio that wasn't able to feel things. So for me personally, I would be better of working on phobia. Like Car phobia, or even with my daughter, I was to clued in to everything about her and couldn't put up good boundaries about OK .
Parents have to present themselves as needing things. That works really well in your family. You mother doesn't have to present herself as superwoman, the most brilliant writer, you know. It's just because she is your mom, the you realize that she needs things and your father needs things. It's been engrained in all of the family, which is a positive thing. But I didn't do that with my daughter. So that was not a positive thing.
Edwin:
What about creating mutually empathic relationships? Is that something you would want?
Anonymous20
It's not a problem with other people, it's just my daughter is a unique situation. Other family members think she has some kind of unusual malady or issues that impairs here from being able to react. With her it's not about doing empathy training, it's a whole other issues.
The question was empathy training. I'm sure there are a lot of people that are self centered, don't' really take head of other people, or are in the professions, like technology or something, where they may have low empathy. If a person is wrapped up in themselves and not relating to people, they are high on the list of people who could benefit more from that kind of training.
Edwin:
Is there anything you need more around empathy. Like getting better at self empathy, setting boundaries on your empathy,
or having a more reciprocal empathy. It's not that you would have more empathy but you would be able to deal with it in a more balanced way or something like that.
Anonymous20
In the radio program he talked about seeing a movie and starting to cry. I have stuff like that happen, or all of a sudden it might be a political thing I feel so deeply about something, I can feel it. But would I want to change that. Not really. Just because it can be bit of an overwhelming feeling sometimes or once in a while Ill see a homeless guy that has an ailment or something. I just feel awful. I've been trying lately to take the time. They were asking for money but I didn't want to pull out my wallet so I went to my car and then I walked back and handle him a dollar or two. But I was thinking what is that going to do for this person. It's so sad, I really feel awful about it. And then I started to think I should always keep singles, like $10 worth of singles always because you run into people and some of them are probably using drugs, or something. There was a man recently that had a problem with walking and everything. I felt horrible, he was African American..
I know the odd of being in that position. I feel it a lot. I feel like I'm not doing enough and it's not because I don't empathize with them. It wouldn't be good if I turned it off. It would be good if there was some way in my life to actually be able to make a difference with people like that.
I go through this little scenario in my mind after I've given them a dollar or two, and then I it's hard for me to wipe it out of my mind.. But then I get back into my own life and I was thinking, "what can you do"? I'd like them to eat a good meal, or something.
Edwin
What if there was an empathy center and you could buy coupons to the center and you could give it to people who are homeless and they could go there and they could get some food and support? It would pay for someone to do some empathic listening to their needs and offer some personal support?
Anonymous20
That would be good, but these people don't have transportation. It would have to be convenient, the practical part. But it's a nice thought to have a place. There are services.
[how might we turn empathy into effective empathic action?]
Edwin
I had one last question about motivation. What motivates you to be empathic?
Anonymous20
What motivates me... I don't want to sound corny. I just like most people, but not all people, I don't like Donald Trump and a bunch of people who are really nasty, horrible people, but in general I like to connect with people and that's what I like about teaching, I love that part of it. Because when you are teaching I feel like you are connecting with people and trying to figure out where they are and I just get really excited about that. Getting them to share something, or get excited about something. It makes me feel good. I think people are the most important thing.
Edwin: And why is the connection important?
Anonymous20
Why else are people important if your not connected to them. I like to feel like I'm connect to all kinds of people, not rapist and serial killers, but in general it's something that helps you grow and makes you feel good. It just does.
Edwin: Why do you want to grow and feel good?
Anonymous20
Why do I want to grow and feel good?
Because I think that is one of major goals in life is to keep learning, to keep growing and to do that people connections are one of the most important ways to do that. It's not just growing an learning with people it's sharing a lot of things, ideas, feelings. That's what's important.
Anonymous20+
Idea of an empathy center where homeless get food, cloths, showers, psychological issues. and other needs and support. She could offer that with a coupon she feels she would have done something.
[Keep growing, keep learning. with Empathy training.]