Interviewer: Mireille
Interviewee: Anonymous Google Survey among NVC trainers and practitioners - 5 responders
What is your definition of empathy? (5 responses)
·Attempting to sense what's alive in others.
Acceptance of other, letting the other person be fully what she/he is and feels, full acceptance without hidden agenda (intentions, judgments, critic...). Holding space for the other person.
Understanding how someone else feels and what they need.
Stepping into the shoes of another sentient being.
Capability to feel, observe, live the moment/situation from someone else's standpoint, through his/her eyes, values, discovering his/her perceptions, feelings, emotions. It can also be a form of deep learning.
What are your needs for empathy? (5 responses)
? Yes, I have a need for empathy often.
To be heard, accepted as I am, to be hold in personal space.
Connection, shared reality, understanding, community, comfort.
I do not understand the question. Empathy can be seen as a need itself.
I need it as a human being to be able to build meaning connections with other people. These connections then give me the support or means of giving support, which is also discovered through empathy.
How does receiving and giving empathy enrich your life? (5 responses)
Helps me to meet my needs for connection and contribution; etc.
Very much. Giving me peace and deep love for myself.
Meets my needs connection, shared reality, understanding, community, comfort, plus giving empathy meets my needs of contribution.
It reminds me of having a sense of oneness with my partner, that I easily disconnect from in daily life.
I think it is a basic building stone of understanding. Without understanding, any decisions, actions can only be based on assumptions. This is empathy as a capability.
Giving and receiving empathy is to me taking time and energy required to "do it" and both, getting connected in return.
How does self-empathy enrich your life? (5 responses)
Self-connection and more clarity.
Very much. Giving me peace and deep love for myself.
Not enough! This one is hard for me. But it does ease stress, meet my needs for self-connection and understanding and definitely ACCEPTANCE
Coming back to infinity and infinite abun-dance
It bridges the gap with my self. I didn't realize for a long time that I wasn't working with my self in concert, but rather disregarded it/me. This only led to low energy, bad feelings, but I didn't know about this until I learned about self empathy - listening to what my interest is, my longing, my wishes, my needs.
What might be the results in our society, if we do not have an empathic approach/attitude?
(5 responses)
Look out side. War, punishment, drug abuse, crime, rape, molestation, misunderstanding that leads to conflict, different classes economically and otherwise, to name just a few.
Anger, egoism, selfish behavior.
You mean now?!? :) unpleasant feelings due to disconnection and not meeting needs for acceptance and shared reality. Lashing out in other ways because of a misled attempt to connect and be comforted
War inside and outside - extinction of mankind and a lot more species on earth
The relations are based typically on economy. If you bring me "profit" then you're interesting, otherwise not. This denies almost whole human being and makes the whole experience deeply unhappy for everyone.
What motivates you to treat people the way you want to be treated? (5 responses)
My own well-being.
Love.
I don't think of it that way. I treat people the way I believe everyone should be treated, and it is because it feels better to me. It meets my needs to show up authentically in the world, to spread peace, and to contribute.
I am you and you are me ... :-)
Longing for a better world with true relations, true to needs and desires of me and others, understanding through empathy, where to yield and where to insist.
How could understanding empathy improve your relationships? (4 responses)
It does. For others, radically it could offer a new or enlarged opportunity to see the world that can and could work for all. Nothing short of magical and amazing.
Enriching.
It could provide more ease and understanding, and remove us from judgmental places.
It gives space to me and my partner to acknowledge different views and enjoy similarities - creates acceptance and polarity when balancing masculine and feminine energy.
What tools or skills do you think are needed for someone to be empathic? (4 responses)
A basic comprehension of NVC: OFNR, and a literacy of feelings and needs, to begin with, knowing that they could learn to deepen their empathy skills as they learn more about NVC.
Appreciation and love. Holding space for myself and the other.
Awareness and practice.
None - it´s natural. We just need more awareness about what is going on in us and the ability to express and support others to express themselves to make it visible and create connection.
What does (or does not) motivate you to learn about empathy? (4 responses)
For me, it is my very survival. For others, often connection, more efficiently meeting their needs to be heard, self-expression, clarity, ...
Enrichment of personal relationships.
Other people not being interested in learning or changing does not motivate me; being able to connect with anyone at anytime without falling into judgment definitely does motivate me.
Learning about "who am I, really?" and what is motivating me and others really?
Have you participated in empathy trainings and how did you experience that? (5 responses)
Yes, NVC. I learned about it from the horse's mouth: Marshall Rosenberg.
NVC, joy, love, lightness.
Yes, I enjoyed it and found it worthwhile.
Not particular, just NVC trainings. Marshall Rosenberg empathized with me and my dad and he knew exactly what was going on in him and me. Before that I had believed "No one understands me!"
I've taken a couple of NVC courses and was astonished at the depth of connection that I managed to build (not every time :) ). It is definitely out of comfort zone in the beginning, because it works in both directions, but after you get over it, it is priceless.
What do you think is most challenging about teaching others about empathy? (5 responses)
People's habits overriding, or personal pain due to possibly unmet needs themselves for empathy, hope, to be understood/heard, ...
Staying out of teaching :-)
Using wording that sound and feel natural to them, while still necessarily changing the way they are speaking.
They think it´s something they need to learn. 2. They try to do it "right".
I think it's too easy to say "yes yes, it's good in theory, or in some hippy commune, but this is serious business," until you have a personal experience.
In case you teach others about empathy, how do you value your self-empathy skills while teaching others? (5 responses)
High.
Most important and first.
Very important. And I am still practicing :)
I do this on different levels and know if I don't have anything in my pocket, I can't give anything. Not easy to accept at times.
Empathy is a necessity for a teacher... how to know what the student needs at the time?