Sunday Family Humour 7th March Page 3
Sunday Family Humour 7th March Page 3
Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour
A very special thank you to all contributors.
Golf Poem
Thanks to Tony
In My Hand I Hold A Ball,
White And Dimpled, And Rather Small.
Oh How Bland It Does Appear,
This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.
By Its Size I Could Not Guess,
Or The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.
My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same,
Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.
It Rules My Mind For Hours On End,
A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.
It Has Made Me Curse And Made Me Cry,
And Hate Myself And Want To Die.
It Promises Me A Thing Called Par,
If I Hit It Straight and Far.
To Master Such A Tiny Ball,
Should Not Be Very Hard At All.
But My Desires The Ball Refuses,
And Does Exactly As It Chooses.
It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,
And Disappears Before My Eyes.
Often It Will Have A Whim,
To Hit A Tree Or Take A Swim.
With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land,
It Finds That Tiny Patch Of Sand.
Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul,
If Only It Would Find The Hole.
It's Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,
And Swear That I Will Give It Up.
And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow,
But The Ball Knows .... I'll Be Back Tomorrow.
Stand proud you noble swingers of clubs and losers of balls....
A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Kind of makes you proud. Almost feel like a hybrid.
Absolutely Brilliant Pictures
Thanks thanks to Lee
Watch the red lights
Thanks to Ray O'
Don't cry for me Argentina
Thanks to Ray O'
Babes in Blue
Thanks to Tony
The Black Hole
Thanks to Gary
Who Knew?
Thanks to Ray O'
Sounds reasonable to me!!
Who Knew???
1. To remove a bandage painlessly,
saturate the bandage with vodka.
The stuff dissolves adhesive.
2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka,
spray the caulking, let set five minutes and wash clean.
The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.
3. To clean your eyeglasses,
simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka.
The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.
4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade
soak in the alcohol after shaving.
The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.
5. Spray vodka on wine stains,
scrub with a brush, and then blot dry.
6. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face
as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores.
7. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo.
The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair,
and stimulates the growth of healthy hair.
8. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle with vodka
and spray bees or wasps to kill them.
9. Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water into a Ziploc freezer bag
and freeze for a slushy, refreshing ice pack for aches, pain or black eyes.
10. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender flowers,
fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly and set in the sun for three days.
Strain liquid through a coffee filter, then apply the tincture to aches and pains.
11. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth
to rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment.
12. To cure foot odor,
wash your feet with vodka.
13.
. Vodka will disinfect
and alleviate a jellyfish sting.
14. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy
to remove the urushiol oil from your skin.
15. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth.
Al low your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.