Sunday Family Humour 30th May Page 4
Sunday Family Humour 30th May Page 4
Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour
A very special thank you to all contributors.
IDIOT SIGHTING
Thanks to Blain
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gavethe clerk a $5 bill.
Our total was $4..25, so I also handed her a quarter..
She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
I said,'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said
'We're sorry butthey could not do that kind of thing.'
The clerk then proceeded to give meback 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at MacD's.
IDIOT SIGHTING:
We had to have the garage door repaired.
The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have
a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said,
'Lady,you need a 1/4 horsepower.'
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and
he said,
'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two..'
We haven't used Sears repair since. Happened in Ottawa .
IDIOT SIGHTING :
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local
township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING
sign on our road.
The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing any more.'
Story from Collingwood , Ontario .
IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the
person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
From Winnipeg , Manitoba .
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded,
'That's why we ask.'
Happened in Toronto , Ontario .
IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stop light on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She is a government employee in Montreal , P.Q.
IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our
car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers
side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that
it was unlocked.
'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
His reply, 'I know. I already got that side.'
This was at the Ford dealership in Guelph , Ontario .
STAY ALERT! They walk among us...
Classic Cars
Thanks to Ray O'
Wisdom for the Week
Thanks to Ray O'
As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember
1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written
An impressive new book. It's called .........
'Ministers Do More Than Lay People'
2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink
And be Mary.
3. The difference between the Pope and
Your boss, the Pope only expects you
To kiss his ring.
4. My mind works like lightning, One brilliant
Flash and it is gone.
5. The only time the world beats a path to
Your door is if you're in the bathroom.
6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once.
The seat folded up, the drink spilled and
That ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
7. It used to be only death and taxes
Now, of course, there's
shipping and handling, too.
8. A husband is someone who, after taking
the trash out, gives the impression that
he just cleaned the whole house.
9. My next house will have no kitchen - just
Vending machines and a large trash can.
10. A blonde said, 'I was worried that my
Mechanic might try to rip me off.
I was relieved when he told me all
I needed was turn signal fluid.'
11.Definition of a teenager?
God's punishment...for enjoying sex.
12. As you slide down the banister of life, may
The splinters never point the wrong way.
NOW GO HAVE A GOOOOD DAY.......
Watch and Weep
Thanks to John H.
Problem with a headache
Thanks to Mark, Laos
A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo.
She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps...
He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.
As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla.
Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy.
He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and two feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand.
He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress.
The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny.
He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom.
She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.
Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin.
She did... and the gorilla was about to tear the bars down.
"Now.... show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said.
This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy and he started doing flips.
Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut.
"Now...Tell him you have a headache."
American Deserts
Thanks to Ray M.
Thanks to Blain
Next time, I'll take the pictures..AND
