Sunday Family Humour 30th May Page 2

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

A very special thank you to all contributors.

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Golf with Stevie and Tiger

Thanks to David H.

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar.

Tiger turns to Stevie and says, 'How's the singing career going?'

Stevie replies, 'Not too bad. How's the golf?'

Woods replies, 'Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right, now.'

Stevie says, 'I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right.'

Tiger says, 'You play GOLF?'

Stevie says, 'Yes, I've been playing for years'.

Tiger says, 'But -- you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?'

Stevie Wonder replies, 'Well, I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice.'

'But, how do you putt?' asks Tiger

'Well', says Stevie, 'I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice.'

Tiger asks, 'What's your handicap?'

Stevie says, 'Well, actually -- I'm a scratch golfer.'

Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, 'We've got to play a round sometime.'

Stevie replies, 'Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole. That a problem?'

Woods thinks about it and says, ' I can afford that, OK, I'm game for that. $10,000 a hole is fine with me. When would you like to play?'

Stevie Wonder says, 'Pick any night'

Extraordinary Photos

Thanks to Ray O'

Google Presentation

Old Guy at the Beach !

Thanks to Tony

YOU HAVE A DIRTY MIND

The Entabulator

Thanks to Ray O'

Every Salesman will love this

Take a minute for this one.

THIS IS CONSIDERED A MASTERPIECE OF BS. YOU WILL LOVE IT.

I BELIEVE IT PRE-DATES THE FLUXCAPACATOR.

Before watching the video clip, read the background below .

Several years ago, Rockwell International decided to get into the heavy

duty transmission business.

They were getting ready to tape their first introductory video.

As a warm up, the professional narrator began what has become a legend within the training industry.

This man should have won an academy award for his stellar performance.

Now remember this is strictly off the cuff, nothing is written down.

I think you will enjoy this once in a lifetime performance from this gentleman.

Eric the Computer kid next door

Thanks to Mark, Laos

Smart little sod

I was having trouble with my computer.

So I called Eric, the 11 year old next door,

whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.

Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, '

So, what was wrong?

He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired,

'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'

Eric grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?

'No,' I replied.

'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like Eric, the little bastard.

South African Police Chase

Thanks to Tony

HEY LITTLE GIRL, WANT TO GO FOR A RIDE?

Thanks to Tony

A Little 10-year-old girl was walking home, alone, from school one day,

when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her.

After following along for a while, turns to her and asks,

"Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?"

"NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on walking.

The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks,

"Hey little girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back."

"NO!" says the little girl as she hurries down the street.

The motorcyclist pulls up beside the little girl again and says,

"Okay kid, my last offer!

I'll give you 20 Bucks "and" a Big Bag of Candy if you will just hop on the back of my bike and we will go for a ride."

Finally, the little girl stops and turns towards him and Screams Out...

"Look Dad"

"Your the one who bought the Yamaha instead of the Harley"!

"YOU RIDE IT!"