Sunday Family Humour 28th February 2010 Page 2

Sunday Family Humour 28th February 2010 Page 2

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

A very special thank you to all contributors.

Materialistic Londoners

Thanks to Tony H.

A Londoner parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues.

As he's getting out of the car, a lorry comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before zooming off.

More than a little distraught, the Londoner grabs his mobile and calls the police.

Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the man starts screaming hysterically: 'My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. No matter how long it's at the panel beaters it'll simply never be the same again!'

After the man finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust.

'I can't believe how materialistic you bloody Londoners are,' he

says. 'You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life.'

'How can you say such a thing at a time like this?' sobs the Porsche owner.

The policeman replies, 'Didn't you realise that your right arm was torn off when the truck hit you.'

The Londoner looks down in horror.

'Bloody Hell!' he screams........'Where's my Rolex????...

Amazing Voice

Thanks to Bill S.

Pictures taken at the right time

Thanks to Lee

Maybe True Stories

Thanks to Lee

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a

Christmas gift..

The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the

gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

************************************************************************

I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.

So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'

And that's when the fight started....

************************************************************************

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were

in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'

So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'

And that's when the fight started....

************************************************************************

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer

would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that's when the fight started......

*********************************************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my

order first..

'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's when the fight started.....

*****************************************************************

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

======================================================================

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3

seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...

====================================================================

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and

she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a

nearby table.

I asked her , 'Do you know him?'

'Yes,' she sighed, ' He's my old boyfriend...

I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many

years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' I said, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

===========================================================

SAVE THE BEST FOR LAST...

THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me

that I should get it fixed.

But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the

truck, the car, playing golf.

Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived

home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a

tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.. I was

gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I

said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the

driveway.'

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp..

Anyone for a laugh?

Thanks to Kara

Women in Action

Thanks to Alex

Thanks to Blain