Sunday Family Humour 6th June Page 3

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

A very special thank you to all contributors.

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the director,

"we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup or a bucket

to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said.

"A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug.

Do you want a bed near the window?"

ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON,

OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE??

Venice

Thanks to Lee

Google Presentation

Seagull Steals Food

Thanks to Paul S.

How to ship the un-shippable

Thanks to Gary

Google Presentation

Wonderful Definitions

Thanks to Blain

Cigarette

A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other!

MARRIAGE:

It's an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

LECTURE:

An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through the minds of either

CONFERENCE:

The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present

COMPROMISE:

The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece

TEARS:

The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water-power!

CONFERENCE ROOM:

A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on

ECSTASY:

A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before

CLASSIC:

A book which people praise, but never read

SMILE:

A curve that can set a lot of things straight!

OFFICE:

A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life

YAWN:

The only time when some married men ever get to open their mouth

EXPERIENCE:

The name men give to their Mistakes

DIPLOMAT:

A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip

OPTIMIST:

A person who while falling from EIFFEL TOWER says in midway

"SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"

MISER:

A person who lives poor so that he can die RICH!

FATHER:

A banker provided by nature

BOSS:

Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early

POLITICIAN:

One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence Later

DOCTOR:

A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by his bills!

Amazing Bike Jump

Thanks to Mark

More people who vote for the president of the most powerful nation on earth

Thanks to Lee

I have a feeling her kids are always on their best behavior.

I guess that's what happens when you have a professional spanker for a mother.

Don't you hate it when you confuse your washing machine and your kids Spiral Splatter Creations Kit? I know I do.

Ohhh, if only your parents were given that advice.

Okay, I know the shirt has strings, and I'm no Louis Vuitton, but I'm pretty sure those strings weren't designed to hang on for dear life.

Back in my day, we didn't have these fancy Child Labor laws.

You already picked up as much dirt and dust off of the floor with your feet as you could,

so its time to start the full body sweep now, boy.

C'mon cross-dressers! If you are going to wear clothing of the opposite sex, at least give it your best effort.

I mean, you obviously took the time to pick out that cute little skirt, but then BAM you ruin it with those beat up old black sneakers. I never thought I'd say this, but 'Sir, go put on some heels!'

Hello Kitty, goodbye dignity.

Did you look at that shirt before you put it on and honestly think it would fit, or did you put it on in 1997 when it did fit and just decided you were set for life?

A one piece thong and jorts. Just saying it out loud sounds awful.

For my own sanity, I have to assume that she is shoplifting pork roasts in her shirt. Simply because there is no possible way those are what you think they are. They can't be, I refuse to believe it. Don't try to reason with me.

Not quite sure what all is going on here, but I can tell you this, none of its good.

Now go on! Get up there and get me my damn Fanta!

Well if the Cowboys want to call themselves America's Team, they need to have a true American cheerleader.

I think we have found her.

No need to wrap up that bologna, I'll just put it in my trash bag shirt.