Sunday Family Humour 13th June 2010
Sunday Family Humour 13th June 2010
Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons, presentations and humour for all the family
A very special thank you to all contributors.
Why?
Thanks to Bill S.
Why .....do Tesco's make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Why .....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Why ....do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Why .......do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Why .. ......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering..
EVER WONDER .....
Why the sun lightens our hair,
but darkens our skin ?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Why? Good question.
The Family who raised a Grizzly Bear
Thanks to Ray M.
Seatbelt information
Thanks to Tony
A private individual had an idea, and filmed himself and his family. The video has since gone viral. Enjoy!
Wonderful use of the English Language Around the World
Thanks to Paul S.
In a Bangkok temple:
Doctor's office, Rome :
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Dry cleaners, Bangkok :
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the main road to Mombassa, leaving Nairobi :
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant: In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES
In a Hotel, Japan
.. GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
In a Tokyo bar: SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
Hotel, Yugoslavia THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
A sign posted in Germany 's Black Forest
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel, Zurich :
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM,
IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand :
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen :
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
A laundry in Rome : LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME
Today's Britain
Thanks to Ray O.
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
Cocktail lounge, Norway
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Water Leak Problem
Thanks to Paul S.
Jennifer and Jim kept getting huge water bills. They knew beyond a doubt
that the bills weren't representative of their actual usage. But no matter
how they tried to conserve, the high bills continued. Although they could
see nothing wrong, they had everything checked for leaks or problems: first
the water meter, then outdoor pipes, indoor pipes, underground pipes,
faucets, toilets, washer, ice maker, etc. -- all to no avail!
One day Jim was sick and stayed home in bed, but kept hearing water running
downstairs. He finally tore himself from his sick bed to investigate, and
stumbled onto the cause of such high water bills. Apparently this was
happening all day long when they were not at home. Knowing that few would
believe him, he taped a segment of the 'problem' for posterity..
Now watch video.
For Animal Lovers
Thanks to Paul S.
After losing his parents, this 3 year old orang-utan was so depressed he wouldn't eat and didn't respond to any medical treatments. The veterinarians thought he would surely die from sadness. The zoo keepers found an old sick dog on the grounds in the park at the zoo where the orang utan lived and took the dog to the animal treatment center. The dog arrived at the same time the orang-utan was there being treated. The 2 lost souls met and have been inseparable ever since.
The orang-utan found a new reason to live and each always tries his best to be a good companion to his new found friend. They are together 24 hours a day in all their activities.
They live in Northern California where swimming is their favorite past time, although Roscoe (the orangutan) is a little
afraid of the water and needs his friend's help to swim.
Together they have discovered the joy and laughter in life and the value of friendship.
They have found more than a friendly shoulder to lean on.
Long Live Friendship!!!!!!!