Sunday Family Humour 14th March

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

A very special thank you to all contributors.

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Perfect Solution for airport security

Thanks to Tony H.

An engineer (ex-NASA project director) has what I think is

the near perfect solution for airport security!

Here's a solution to all the controversy over full-body

scanners at the airports. Have a booth that you can step into

that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device

you may have on you.

It would be a win-win for everyone, and there would be none of this

crap about racial profiling. This method would eliminate a long

and expensive trial. Justice would be quick and swift.

Case Closed!

THE WW II MOVIE STARS

Thanks to Ray

Hope you find this as informative and interesting as I did.

In contrast to the ideals, opinions and feelings of today's 'Hollywonk,' the real actors of yester-year not only had talent, they had both class and integrity.

With the advent of World War II, many of our actors went to fight rather than stand and rant against this country we all love.

They gave up their wealth, position and fame to become service men and women, many as simple, 'enlisted men'.

This lists but a few, but from this group of only 18 men, came over 70 medals in honour of their valour, spanning from Bronze Stars, Silver Stars, Distinguish Service Crosses, Purple Hearts and one Congressional Medal of Honour.

So remember; while the 'Entertainers of 2008-2009' have been in all of the news media lately, I would like to remind the people of what the entertainers of 1943 were doing, (66 years ago).

Most of these brave men have since passed on.

'RealHollywoodHeroes'

Alec Guinness (Star Wars) operated a British Royal Navy landing craft on D-Day.

James Doohan ('Scotty' on Star Trek) landed in Normandy with the U.S.Army on D-Day.

Donald Pleasance (The Great Escape) really was an R. A. F. pilot who was shot down, held prisoner and tortured by the Germans.

David Niven was a Sandhurst graduate and Lt. Colonel of the British Commandos in Normandy.

James Stewart Entered the Army Air Force as a private and worked his way to the rank of Colonel. During World War II, Stewart served as a bomber pilot, his service record crediting him with leading more than 20 missions over Germany, and taking part in hundreds of air strikes during his tour of duty.

Stewart earned the Air Medal, the Distinguished Flying Cross, France's Croix de Guerre, and 7 BattleStars during World War II. In peace time, Stewart continued to be an active member of the Air Force as a reservist, reaching the rank of Brigadier General before retiring in the late 1950s.

Clark Gable (Mega-Movie Star when war broke out)

Although he was beyond the draft age at the time the U.S. entered WW II, Clark Gable enlisted as a private in the AAF on Aug. 12, 1942 at Los Angeles. He attended the Officers Candidate School at Miami Beach, Fla. and graduated as a Second Lieutenant on Oct. 28, 1942. He then attended aerial gunnery school and in Feb. 1943 he was assigned to the 351st Bomb Group at Polebrook where he flew operational missions over Europe in B-17s. Capt. Gable returned to the U.S. in Oct. 1943 and was relieved from active duty as a major on Jun. 12, 1944 at his own request, since he was over-age for combat.

Charlton Heston was an Army Air Corps Sergeant in Kodiak.

Ernest Borgnine was a U. S. Navy Gunners Mate 1935-1945.

Charles Durning was a U. S. Army Ranger at Normandy

earning a Silver Star and awarded the Purple Heart.

Charles Bronson was a tail gunner in the Army Air Corps, more

specifically on B-29's in the 20th Air Force out of Guam, Tinian, and Saipan.

George C. Scott was a decorated U. S. Marine.

Eddie Albert (Green Acres TV) was awarded a Bronze Star for his heroic action as a U. S. Naval officer aiding Marines at the horrific battle on the island of Tarawa in the Pacific Nov. 1943.

Brian Keith served as a US. Marine rear gunner in several actions against the

Japanese on Rabaul, in the Pacific.

Lee Marvin was a U.S. Marine on Saipan during the Marianas campaign when he was wounded earning the Purple Heart.

John Russell: In 1942, he enlisted in the Marine Corps where he received a battlefield commission and was wounded and highly decorated for valour at Guadalcanal.

Robert Ryan was a U. S. Marine who served with the O. S. S. in Yugoslavia.

Tyrone Power (an established movie star when Pearl Harbour was bombed) joined the U.S. Marines, was a pilot flying supplies into, and wounded Marines out of, Iwo Jima and Okinawa.

Audie Murphy, little 5'5' tall 110 pound guy from Texas who played cowboy parts:

Most Decorated serviceman of WWII and earned: Medal of Honour, Distinguished Service Cross, 2 Silver Star Medals, Legion of Merit, 2 Bronze Star Medals with 'V', 2 Purple Hearts, U.S. Army Outstanding Civilian Service Medal, Good Conduct Medal, 2 Distinguished Unit Emblems, American Campaign Medal, European-African-Middle Eastern Campaign Medal with One Silver Star, Four Bronze Service Stars (representing nine campaigns) and one Bronze Arrowhead (representing assault landing at Sicily and Southern France), World War II Victory Medal Army of Occupation Medal with Germany Clasp, Armed Forces Reserve Medal, Combat Infantry Badge, Marksman Badge with Rifle Bar, Expert Badge with Bayonet Bar, French Fourragere in Colours of the Croix de Guerre, French Legion of Honour, Grade of Chevalier, French Croix de Guerre With Silver Star, French Croix de Guerre with Palm, Medal of Liberated France, Belgian Croix de Guerre 1940 Palm.

So how do you feel the real heroes of the silver screen acted when compared to the 'hollywonks' today?

Fail

Thanks to Ray M.

Pictures of failures

Google Presentation

The Riddle Is Solved

Thanks to Tony

Through the ages, men have been trying to unlock this mystery:

Why do their wives, who accept them just as they are before they get married, begin the quest to change their

behaviour and life-style once their vows are exchanged?

Finally, the riddle is solved. A social-scientist has arrived at this simple and logical explanation.

When the bride, accompanied by her father, starts to walk slowly down the long aisle, She sees the altar at the end and hears the choir singing a hymn. Walking down the aisle, the conditioning process where the brain absorbs these three stimuli: aisle, altar, hymn, begins. She becomes mesmerized as she continually reinforces these perceptions: Aisle, altar, hymn. . . Aisle, altar, hymn. . . Aisle, altar, hymn. And finally, as she stops beside the groom, the conditioning process is complete. She looks up at him smiling sweetly and keeps saying to herself... "I'll alter him"

Motivational Images

Thanks to Butch

Truck Accidents

Thanks to Blain

You matter most of all.

Thanks to Ray M.

A mouse looked through the crack in the wall

to see the farmer and his wife open a package.

"What food might this contain?"

the mouse wondered.

He was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.

Retreating to the farmyard,

the mouse proclaimed this warning:

"There is a mousetrap in the house!

There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said,

"Mr. Mouse,

I can tell this is a grave concern to you,

but it is of no consequence to me

I cannot be bothered by it."

The mouse turned to the pig and told him,

"There is a mousetrap in the house!

There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The pig sympathized, but said,

"I am so very sorry, Mr... Mouse,

but there is nothing I can do about it but pray.

Be assured you are in my prayers."

The mouse turned to the cow and said,

"There is a mousetrap in the house!

There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse I'm sorry for you,

but it's no skin off my nose..."

So, the mouse returned to the house,

head down and dejected,

to face the farmer's mousetrap

. . . Alone . . .

That very night a sound was heard throughout the house

--the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey.

The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught.

In the darkness, she did not see it.

It was a venomous snake whose tail was caught in the trap.

The snake bit the farmer's wife.

The farmer rushed her to the hospital.

When she returned home she still had a fever.

Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup.

So the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient:

But his wife's sickness continued

Friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock.

To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.

But, alas, the farmer's wife did not get well...

She died.

So many people came for her funeral that the farmer had the cow slaughtered

to provide enough meat for all of them for the funeral luncheon.

And the mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.

So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem

and you think it doesn't concern you, remember ---

When one of us is threatened, we are all at risk.

We are all involved in this journey called life.

We must keep an eye out for one another

and make an extra effort to encourage one another..

- REMEMBER -

EACH OF US IS A VITAL THREAD

IN ANOTHER PERSON'S TAPESTRY.

OUR LIVES ARE WOVEN TOGETHER

FOR A REASON.

One of the best things to hold onto

In this world is a FRIEND.

God Bless you ALL !