Sunday Family Humour 18th April 2010 Page 3

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

A very special thank you to all contributors.

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Never Lie to a Woman

Thanks to Bill S.

A man called home to his wife and said,

" Honey, I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada

with my boss & several of his Friends"

We'll be gone for a week.

This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting,

so could you please pack enough clothes for a week

and set out my rod and fishing box.

We're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up"

" Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas. "

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is,

did exactly what her husband asked.

The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.

The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?

He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish.

But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to Do?"

You'll love the answer...

The wife replied, "I did They're in your fishing box ..."

Never Lie To A Woman...!!!

Work Safety Requirements

Thanks to Tony

Fabulous - Evian Water Babies

Thanks to Ray O'

Joke in newspaper yesterday.

Thanks to Tony

GORDON BROWN GOES ON A STATE VISIT TO ISRAEL.

WHILE HE IS ON A TOUR OF JERUSALEM HE HAS A FATAL HEART ATTACK.

THE UNDERTAKER TELLS THE BRITISH DIPLOMATS -

"YOU CAN HAVE HIM SHIPPED HOME FOR A MILLION POUNDS OR YOU CAN BURY HIM IN THE HOLY LAND FOR £100."

THE BRITISH DIPLOMATS GO INTO A HUDDLE AND COME BACK TO THE UNDERTAKER

AND TELL HIM THEY STILL WANT BROWN FLOWN HOME.

THE UNDERTAKER IS PUZZLED AND ASKS

"WHY WOULD YOU SPEND £1 MILLION TO GET HIM HOME WHEN IT WOULD BE WONDERFUL TO BE BURIED HERE IN THIS RELIGIOUS COUNTRY AND YOU WOULD ONLY SPEND £100."

ONE DIPLOMAT REPLIED

"MORE THAN 2,000 YEARS AGO, A MAN DIED HERE, WAS BURIED HERE,

AND JUST THREE DAYS LATER HE ROSE FROM THE DEAD. WE SIMPLY CANNOT TAKE THAT RISK".

Google Offices

Thanks to Tony

Google Solar Array Mountain View, California

Today, Google employs 20,223 people around the world, receiving a resume every 25 seconds from eager job-seekers, hiring an average of nine new employees a day.

A full-size replica of Virgin Atlantic 's Spaceship One (space tourist vehicle) hangs in the reception area.

Exercise

To work off the pounds, and the stress . . .

Google has its own state-of-the-art gym . . . offering weight-training and a host of exercise machines, rowing machines, lockers and shower rooms, and two swim-in-place wave pools.

Other perks include free haircuts, dry cleaning and laundry, child care, car services, chiropractors and five onsite doctors available for employee check-ups; all free of charge.

Perhaps the most unusual bonus of all... employees can bring their dogs to work with them and keep the four-legged canine in their offices.

We already know that working for Google has certain advantages, but, believe me, this giant of a search engine takes the welfare of its employees seriously as shown by this decompression (stress) capsule that is impermeable to sound and light....

Stress capsule

Moving around the complex:

A slide allows quick access from different floors...

There are also poles available....they are similar to the ones used in fire stations.

Food

Employees can eat all they want for free from a vast choice of food and drink, whipped up by in-house chefs.

Typical Google Lunch

Cookie set-up

Work Station:

Each employee has at least two large screens.

There are 4-6 'Zooglers' per office.

Innovation:

Large boards are available just about everywhere because 'ideas don't always come when seated in the office'says one of Google's managers.

Leisure.

Pool tables, video games, etc. are available in many areas.

Health:

Professional massage therapists are available.

There are many books in this library...even some about programming!

Rest ....

View relaxing aquariums on massage chairs that you control ...

Ambiance.

I would LOVE time out in this room!!

It's nice to see that some companies respect their employees!!

Keep smiling it’s good for your face

Thanks to Tony

"Look . . . I was thirsty man, deal with it"...

Touch de duck... I keel you!...

Weeeeeee!!! Look at me I'm Yoda!

"You want a piece of me? Bring it on!...

"Kid . . . You're askin' the wrong guy".

I don't get it. Where's the milk?!

Wasssup!!

This bird's about to get a snot bath...

I Hate You!!!

It was only a little pee, why the 30 minute timeout??

Dad left when he found out about Mom and the Panda...

Now keep this smile on and have a great the rest of the day!!

Correct way to arrest a terrorist

Thanks to Tony

This incident took place in Spain .

Apparently the Spanish police

agreed to placate a "bank hostage" situation by allowing the

radical to "escape" uninhibited.

He was allowed to walk out of the bank in the company of 2/hostages.

The police provided him with a motorcycle and free access to the motorcycle.

Then, leaving the hostages behind, he was permitted to

ride away down a clear roadway to make his "escape."

This whole incident, shown on CBS television, complete

with news reporting in English, can be seen on this 55-second video clip.

The concluding few seconds of this video shows the result of the Spanish planning in this escape.

In my view, an appropriate conclusion to any situation that involves a terrorist.

If this happened in Canada the cops would probably all be suspended with full pay for a year then fired,

there'd be an inquiry that would last two years with no outcome.

The terrorist would get a new motorcycle and $500,000 (minimum) compensation

an apology , a government job,

and his family would be brought over from Pakistan , and housed .

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