Sunday Family Humour 21st February 2010

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

A very special thank you to all contributors.

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When Insults Had Class.........

Thanks to Ray O'

There was a time when words were used beautifully.

These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued,

before a great portion of the English language was boiled down to four-letter words!

The exchange between Churchill and Lady Astor:

She said, "If you were my husband, I'd give you poison,"

and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd take it."

Gladstone, a member of Parliament, to Benjamin Disraeli:

"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."

"That depends, sir," said Disraeli, "On whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." -

-Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -

-Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."

-Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."

- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" -

Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."

- Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."

-Abraham Lincoln

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

- Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."

- Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one."

- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...

if there is one!"

- Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."

-Stephen Bishop

He is a self-made man and worships his creator."

- John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."

-Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."

-Samuel Johnson

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."

-Jack E.Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."

- Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."

- Thomas Brackett Reed

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."

-Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."

- Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"

-Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."

- Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."

- Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support, rather than illumination."

- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."

- Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." – Groucho Marx

A Wedding in ShanXi

Thanks to David H

Traditionally a very poor region of China until the discovery of vast coal deposits.

Have a look at a wedding involving one of the 'coal boss' family.

The World's Fastest Train

Thanks to David H

The Family Bear

Thanks to Lee

The Emma Maersk,

Part of a Danish shipping line.

Thanks to Prez

What a ship....no wonder 'Made in China ' is

displacing North American made goods big time.

This monster transports goods across the Pacific in about 5 days!!!

This is how Wal-Mart gets it's stuff from China . 15,000 containers and a

207' deck beam!

The crew-size: 13 people on a ship longer than a US aircraft carrier (which

has a crew of 5,000).

Notice that 207' beam means it cannot fit through the Panama or Suez Canals .

It is strictly transpacific. Cruise speed: 31 knots.

The goods arrive 4 days before the typical container ship (18-20 knots) on

a China -to- California run. So this behemoth is hugely competitive when

carrying perishable goods.

The ship was built in five sections. The sections floated together and

then welded.

The command bridge is higher than a 10-story building and has 11

cargo crane rigs that can operate simultaneously.

Additional info:

Country of origin - Denmark

Length - 1,302 ft

Width - 207 ft

Net cargo - 123,200 tons

Engine - 14 cylinders in-line diesel engine (110,000 BHP)

Cruise Speed - 31 knots

Cargo capacity - 15,000 TEU (1 TEU = 20 cubic feet)

Crew - 13 people !

First Trip - Sept. 08, 2006

Construction cost - US $145,000,000+

Silicone painting applied to the ship bottom reduces water

resistance and saves 317,000 gallons of diesel per year.

Editorial Comment!

A recent documentary in late March on the History Channel noted that nearly

all of these containers are shipped back to China , EMPTY. Yep, that's right.

We send nothing back on most of these ships. What does that tell you about

the current financial state of this country? Just keep buying those imported

goods (mostly gadgets) until you run out of money.

New Zealand Toyota advert

Thanks to Mark, Laos

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