Sunday Family Humour 18th April 2010 Page 2

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

A very special thank you to all contributors.

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The Old Prospector

Thanks to Ray O'

An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas, leading an old tired mule.

The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat.

He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.

As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a

young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and

a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying,

"Hey old man, have you ever danced?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said,

"No, I never did dance... never really wanted to."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said,

"Well,you old fool, you're gonna dance now,"

and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off,

started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet.

Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still

laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the

saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.

The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.

The silence was almost deafening.

The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he

quietly said,

"Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said,

"No sir ..... but... I've always wanted to."

There are a few lessons for us all here:

Never be arrogant.

Don't waste ammunition.

Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.

Always, always make sure you know who has the power.

Don't mess with old men, they didn't get old by being stupid.

I just love a story with a happy ending, don't you?

Getting older is the only way to live long.

A Boat Trip in Germany

Thanks to Ray O'

Google Presentation

The Perfect Crime

Thanks to Gary

Change Thinking

It will take just 37 seconds to read this and change your thinking..

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.

One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.

His bed was next to the room's only window.

The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end....

They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation..

Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his room-mate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and colour of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake.

Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every colour and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by.

Although the other man could not hear the band - he could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days, weeks and months passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep.

She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside..

He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed.

It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

She said, 'Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.'

Epilogue:

There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.

Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.

If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.

'Today is a gift, that is why it is called The Present .'

When it's OK to say a bad word