Sunday Family Humour 16th May Page 3

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

A very special thank you to all contributors.

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A Sad Tale

Thanks to Tony

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?'

The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.

The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.

The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer,

and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.

The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the Toastie.

The rabbit consumes them and leaves.

The next night, the pub is packed.

In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie please barman.'

The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie,

and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down

The next night there is standing room only in the pub.

Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending.

The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie please barman.

The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker,but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties..'

The rabbit looks aghast.

The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says,

'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.'

The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it?'

The masses' bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.

The barman, with a roguish smile says,

'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends.

I know you'll love it.'

'Ok', says the rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.'

The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie.

He then waves to the crowd and leaves....

..NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!

One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman,

(who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time.

When he is cleaning down the now empty bar,he sees a small white form, floating above the bar.

The barman says, 'Who are you?',

To which he is answered, 'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.'

The barman says, 'I remember you. You made me famous.

You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.

Masses came to see you and this place was famous.'

The rabbit says, 'Yes I know.'

The barman said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties.

You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.'

The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it.

The barman said, 'You never came back, what happened?'

'I DIED' ,said the rabbit.

'NO!' said the barman. 'What from?'

After a short pause. The rabbit said...

'Mixin-me-toasties.'

Voted the Best E-mail

Thanks to Ray M.

Google Presentation

Bareback Riding

Thanks to Lee

This girl riding the horse is in her 20's - her dad just died 24 days before this performance.

You can hear her dedication to him just before her performance, so turn up your speakers a bit.

Notice that it is just her and the horse - no bit, no saddle.

She just uses signals and verbal cues, she's mute.

Oh yeah, this isn't even her horse.

She is training it for someone else, although she obviously has a relationship with this one.

I don't know how much you know about horseback riding, but when they go fast, her bum isn't even bouncing off the horse like you will see with most people.

The same way that the Native Americans did who used no saddle.

High Urinals

Thanks to Bill S.

A group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the Kentucky local racetrack (Churchill Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (bourbon), but mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out

and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one,

holding on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed.

Trying not to show that she was staring the teacher said, "You must be in the 5th grade."

'No, ma'am', he replied. 'I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help.'

Gruyeres

Thanks to Lee

Google Presentation

Chinese Bullet Train Concept

Thanks to Ray M.

Attached is a computer generated video (in Mandarin) of the operational concept and following description of how it works.

It is a brilliant new Chinese train innovation - get on & off the bullet train without the train stopping.

No time is wasted. The bullet train is moving all the time.

If there are 30 stations between Beijing and Guangzhou, just stopping and accelerating again at each station will waste both energy and time.

A mere 5 minute stop per station (elderly passengers cannot be hurried) will result in a total loss of 5 min x 30 stations or 2.5 hours of train journey time!

1. For those who are boarding the train:

The passengers at a station embark onto to a connector cabin way before the train even arrives at the station.

When the train arrives, it will not stop at all.

It just slows down to pick up the connector cabin which will move with the train on the roof of the train.

While the train is still moving away from the station, those passengers will board the train from the connector cabin mounted on the train's roof.

After fully unloading all its passengers, the cabin connector cabin will be moved to the back of the train so that the next batch of outgoing passengers who want to alight at the next station will board the connector cabin at the rear of the train roof.

2. for those who are getting off:

As stated after fully unloading all its passengers, the cabin connector cabin will be moved to the back of the train so that the next batch of outgoing passengers who want to alight at the next station will board the connector cabin at the rear of the train roof.

When the train arrives at the next station, it will simply drop the whole connector cabin at the station itself and leave it behind at the station.

The outgoing passengers can take their own time to disembark at the station while the train had already left.

At the same time, the train will pick up the incoming embarking passengers on another connector cabin in the front part of the train's roof.

So the train will always drop one connector cabin at the rear of its roof and pick up a new connector cabin in the front part of the train's roof at each station.

Detroit Iron Classics

Thanks to Lee