Sunday Family Humour 23rd May

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

A very special thank you to all contributors.

History

Thanks to Ray M

Over five thousand years ago Moses said to the children of Israel "pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the promised land."

Nearly 50 years ago, Wilson said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a camel, this is the promised land."

Now Brown has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of camels,

and mortgaged the promised land.

Furthermore, I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc.

I called the Samaritans, the suicide helpline.

Got a freakin' call centre in Pakistan . I told them I was suicidal.

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck !!!

Road Signs

Thanks to David H.

Best Pictures of 2010

Thanks to Tony

These are exceptional - well worth a look

Google Presentation

A John West advert

The Bear and Salmon

Thanks to Tony

The Haircut

Thanks to Ray O'

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.

After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied,

'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.'

The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied,

'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.'

The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON

Rednecks

Thanks to Ray O'

You're An EXTREME Redneck When.....

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.

5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

6. Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.'

7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9. Your junior prom offered day care.

10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines. '

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Unbelievable 7 year old Pool Player

Thanks to Lee

Can Your Dog Do This?

Thanks to Ray O'