Sunday Family Humour 10th October 2010
A very special thank you to all contributors
Sunday Family Humour 10th October 2010
Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour
Life of a pirate
Thanks to Alex
A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said,
"Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," said the pirate,
"We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
The bartender replied,
"Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"
The pirate explained,
"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight.
My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I'm fine, really.."
"What about that eye patch?"
"Oh," said the pirate,
"One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over.
I looked up, and one of them shit in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender.
"You couldn't lose an eye just from bird shit."
"It was my first day with the hook."
Only 17 Million!!
Thanks to Paul S.
This £17million yacht that comes with its own supercar (but be quick, there are only going to be 6 of them)
As far as freebies go, buy a 122ft state-of-the-art super-yacht, this ultimate 'buy one, get one free' offer has
recently gone on the market attracting attention from billionaires all over the world.
Double the fun: The incredible super-yacht comes with its own supercar which can be stored on board
The luxury yacht has a plush Art Deco interior, boasts 4 large double state rooms, a reception area, salon,
52" LED TVs and state-of-the art sound systems in every room - all of which can be personalised.
The ship can reach top speeds of 43 knots, with its twin MTU 16V000 engine, and the ability to achieve 55 knots
with optional Rolls Royce KaMeWa boosters offering a staggering 14,000hp.
The supercar is powered by a 880hp twin turbo V12 engine, has a top speed of 233mph.
The matching supercar rolling off the docked £17million yacht
The design can be changed to suit the individual buyer
You can park your new car on board in its very own garage, located at the stern of the ship. Kurt Strand,
founder of the Swedish company Strand Craft, said they had built the boat and car for the 'very wealthy'.
He said: 'We have had a lot of interest from all over the world, specifically the Middle East.
It was designed for luxury and people who want the best. 'The custom-made supercar is the best feature,
both the boat and the car are very high performance and the boat is very fast. 'It is very unique as we are only making 6,
so it's exclusive. It has a very futuristic design and nothing like this has ever been made before.
It even has bulletproof windows.'
The gigantic yacht easily dwarfs the waiting supercar on the dock...
The yacht has room on the deck at the back to soak up the sun, and pose for paparazzi...
Crashing through the waves the yacht can hit speeds of up to 43 knots Mr Strand said that they would sell the duo on a first come,
first served basis. 'We have already 5 people interested and we will have meetings with them next week,
it's a very expensive boat to produce, it will be the most exclusive in the world.
Can you drive like this?
Thanks to Ray O'
A superb display of high speed car control
Chalk Guy is Back!
Thanks to Paul S.
Hard to believe that these are drawn on a FLAT sidewalk or street surface.
Great Crevasse Edgar Mueller. Hard work: Together with up to five assistants,
Mueller painted all day long from sunrise to sunset.
The picture appeared on the East Pier in Dun Laoghaire , Ireland ,
As part of the town's Festival of World Cultures.
He spent five days, working 12 hours a day, to create the 250 square metre
Image of the crevasse, which, viewed from the correct angle, appears to be 3D.
He then persuaded passers-by to complete the illusion by pretending the
Gaping hole was real.
'I wanted to play with positives and negatives to encourage people to think twice about everything they see,' he said.
'It was a very scary scene, but when people Saw it they had great fun playing on it and pretending to fall into the earth.
'I like to think that later, when they returned home, they might reflect more on
What a frightening scenario it was and say, "Wow, that was actually pretty scary."
Mueller, who has previously painted a giant waterfall in Canada, said he was
Inspired by the British Pavement Picasso. Julian Beaver, whose dramatic but
More gentle 3D street images have been featured in the Daily Mail
Voted best commercial in Europe
Thanks to Ray M.
Funnies for you
Thanks to Lee
The Texas Limo
So, here's the story
Thanks to Ray M.
Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.
A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.'
Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was £5,000.
he husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.
Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single pound note that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the pound as down payment for the dirty deed.
A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Tesco store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands & as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor........
The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.
However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught & arrested before he could even leave the store.
Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.
The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared ...
You're going to hate me for this...
'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for £1.00 AT TESCO '
Oh, quit groaning!
I don't write this stuff,
I receive it from my warped friends and then
Send it on to my other warped friends.
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