Sunday Family Humour 30th May Page 3
Sunday Family Humour 30th May Page 3
Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour
A very special thank you to all contributors.
Star Trek
Thanks to Tony
The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby where he met the U.S. President.
They shook hands, and as they walked the Iranian said,
"You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America .."
The President said, "Well, anything I can do to help you, I will"
The Iranian whispered
"My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there is Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish,
Uhura who is Black and Sulu who is Japanese, but no Muslims.
My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians, Iraqis, Afghans, Syrians or Pakistanis on Star Trek."
The President laughed, leaned toward the Iranian ambassador, and whispered back,
"That's because it takes place in the future".
Beautiful Flowers of Greece
Thanks to Lee
Clever Pictures
Thanks to Ray O'
These are pretty clever. Try to resist moving too quickly. Look at each picture, try to determine what it represents, and then look at the answer below the picture.
LIGHT BEER
CARD SHARK
alt="Clever Pictures 3"
ASSAULTED PEANUT
DOCTOR PEPPER
EGG PLANT
KNIGHT MARE
WHOLE MILK
KING OF POP
TAP DANCERS
GATOR AIDE
A POOL TABLE
AND FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i-POD
A Wish for All of the
Difficult People in Your Life
Ouch
Proof the Irish Discovered Africa
Thanks to Ray M.
Have a Good Day
Thanks to Blain
Summary of Life
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge..mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 17 success is . having a drivers license.
At age 35 success is . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . having money.
At age 70 success is . .. ... having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . not piddling in your pants.
Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.
Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way; BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.
Have a wonderful day with many *smiles*
Top Ten Jumps
Thanks to Tony
The visitor-dog
Thanks to Bill S.
This is a true story...............
An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.
I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.
He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head;
he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.
This continued off and on for several weeks.
Curious I pinned a note to his collar:
'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is
and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.
The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar:
He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3
- he's trying to catch up on his sleep.
Can I come with him tomorrow?'