Sunday Family Humour 16th May Page 2
Sunday Family Humour 16th May Page 2
Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour
A very special thank you to all contributors.
High School Exam Answers
Thanks to Blain
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
The following questions were set in last year’s GCSE examination in England.
These are genuine answers from 16 year olds, not very bright, but entertaining, 16 year olds.
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon.
All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum.
I forget where the sun joins the fight.
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.
The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs
and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U
The 1947 Buick Streamliner
Thanks to Tony
A bank robbery filmed live
Thanks to Gary
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said,
'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter.
Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is: ...................
Always keep your condoms in your car
THE WEDDING TEST
Thanks to Tony
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.
There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less.
She would regularly bend down when she was near
me, and I always got more than a nice view.
It had to be deliberate because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day the 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations.
She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me
that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.
She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my
life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.
I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lord... and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
UK Wall Paintings
Thanks to Ray M
How to inflate a tyre with WD40
Thanks to Ray M.
20 Reasons not to drink
Thanks to Tony
