DPS Poem (samples)

First Draft: After reading this student's first draft, I suggested that she stay with the metaphor she created in her first 2 lines: The walls, are closing in on me.

I recommended getting rid of everything else and just following the metaphor.

The walls,

are closing in on me.

As I scream and cry.

I would like to be heard

He doesn’t listen.

All I have ever wanted is to have a say

Making choices for myself is like a sin is his eyes.

Anything I do is wrong

It’s always been this way

I just never realized that he really doesn’t care

he gave me a chance, once to speak.

It was in that moment when he yelled

“what, what are you feeling!”

That I realized it was all,

but a question not at all.

Nothing I did would ever be enough

to impress him, unless it was exactly how he wanted.

He could not live through me any longer. I needed a way out.]

I feel as though now I am freed from my old misery.

 Revised Poem: In this version of the poem, the student took my advice and explored the poetry within the metaphor of Neil being in a room where the walls are closing in on him.  The result, was a great poem.

The walls,

are closing in on me.

As I scream and cry.

Screams fill the room

But the walls, they don’t listen

They just keep creeping in

Day in and day out I search these walls,

for an exit I will never find.

They inch closer and with that,

my heart races like a horse at the Kentucky Derby

After years of screaming, crying, and searching

I will give up.

Being trapped just does not suit me.

I am free now,

Free from the bitter thought of freedom.

I’ve escaped the walls

and now angels fly among me.