Embedded Files
“So,” Leo said, lighting a cigarette, leaning with his back against the bar. “Now that we’ve dumped the psychopath with the three-foot long scissors, who’re we gonna replace her with?”
“Dunno,” his companion replied, sipping his neon-green fairy. “I got a reply from a young lass in Japan.”
Leo grinned. “How young we talking?”
“Listen, Leo Lolicon, this’s strictly business. We’re not flying her out and everything. Phone and e-mail contact unless we’re in her neck of the woods. She’s an expert on Japanese and other Asian spirits; you know one of those ghost junkies.” “Shit man, how old?? Throw me a freakin’ bone here, Alestor.”
“You’ve got enough bones. Why is it when I even remotely mention a female working with us that you waylay me with jackassery?” Alestor gave Leo a look of disdain.
“Come on! What dog buried your bone? Yoko ain’t even giving me the time of day because of you.” “That’s because she’s a refined woman with scruples. And she’s sleeping with me.”
“Fine. This girl, she’s a ghost junkie, right? So, what, she’s on the payroll for chasing them down with an EVP monitor and digital cameras? C’mon, Henri already does EVP.” Alestor sighed. “Well, you’re half right. She does use cameras, but get this,” he turned his back to the rest of the bar and motioned for Leo to lean in. “She exorcises ghosts with a camera.”
“So she…makes ghosts to exercises?” Leo was squinting at him in concentration.
Alestor stared with disdain. “….No, stupid, she…. Let’s see, how to dumb this down to ‘dumbassery’ levels. She can hurt ghosts with her camera. Which, by the way, does a hell of a lot more damage than shooting them with bullets.”
“Goddammit, would you shut the hell up about that?! That was ONE TIME.”
“Yes, one time, but it was a time that you got us nearly killed, and had the client deduct damage fees from our pay.”
“Our pay?” snorted Leo. “You haven’t paid me in 5 months.” “At least I’m willing to beer you, you ingrate. What, you want a raise? You have to work for it.”
“I work my ass off with you! You have me going up against fucking zombies and I only get a few grand for it. Working with you was the worst idea EVER.”
“I beg to differ. Its interesting work.”
“Dude, the only thing worse than working with a crackpot like you was the time KISS took off their make-up.”
“Still a little bitter about that?” asked Alestor smugly.
“Yes,” snapped Leo, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Alestor threw his hand in the air theatrically. “Come on!”
“Hey, that was some seriously traumatizing stuff!!”
“You look worse in the mirror after all-nighters.”
“That won’t be half as funny as when I stab you in the eye.”
“Well, if an ugly Jewish rocker is the only thing worse than working with me to keep the world safe from bad supernatural ju-ju, then you lead a pretty charmed life!” “I hate you,” Leo said with every fiber in his body full of hatred.
“God, if you say that one more time, I swear I’m going to fire your ass. Then rehire it and cut your pay in half.”
Leo seethed. Alestor downed his absinthe and dearly wished Pan Galactic Gargleblasters existed.
Suddenly, “Dude, dude, Alestor. Check out the cans on that bimbo.”
Alestor sincerely, dearly wished Pan Galactic Gargleblasters existed and ordered another glass of absinthe.
--Dio (10/6/14)
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