Its no secret that we here at RL were inspired by the grand site X-Entertainment, which brightened the internet for over 10 years with its toy reviews, classic cartoons reviews, and countdowns of Halloween (and Christmas) series. Occasionally, there would be stories with pictures of Matt's stunning and enviable figurines, plushes, and other children's detritus doing things like growing chia pets, Skeletor engaging in pokemon battles, and of course the epic that was the Playmobile/Lego Advent Calendar.
Today we pay tribute to a few of my personal favorite articles from the site. The first few are of horror movies we've all seen and loved. The Evil Dead, a trilogy that needs no introduction other than Bruce Campbell is in it (seriously, you don't need more than that), and there are zombies and its obviously Sam Raimi's best work besides Drag Me to Hell
What? Didn't like DMtH? Get off my site.
Matt talks about the appeal of the first film, and yes, your hook is the tree rape scene. Its not a spoiler, its the reason you're renting the trilogy from Redbox.
Without needing a book to do it, Matt reviews Stanley Kubric's The Shining, but instead of going too in depth and giving you food for thought before you see it (if you haven't already), he gives some points on things that stuck with him all these years, from the Native American subplot theory to, and I quote: "the fucking ghost in the bear costume".
Nightmare on Elm Street makes an article, with a good play by play summary of the film from the beginning to the wild ride to the end. He also buffs the article with awesome Freddy products along the way, as well as establishing that 1) cops are assholes who'd rather eat donuts than save kids from freaky dream pedos, and 2) some of these kids just asking for it. It comes in 2 parts, and part 2 is available at the end of the first part.
From the well-known franchises (and I haven't hit all of the ones Matt has covered, because its late, and I think I could stretch this out another article is work bites me in the ass), we'll start to go into the little known horror movies, starting with the Gremlins rip-off Critters. After the success of Gizmo and co, the 80s took a huge hit in the groin with demonic puppet flicks, and Critters was one of them. There were...a bunch of movies. Not just the one. Not two. Not three. Four. Yes. They got four movies out of it.
You know what else somehow four movies out of it? Ghoulies. Another bad 80s demonpuppet movie, the Ghoulies series just oozes bad, and there's not a mop to be found. Quoted by Matt to be the epitome of bad 80s monster flicks, you will not be disappointed. I often mix up Critters 2 with Ghoulies 2 and for good reason, because your money scenes of puppets going amok aren't much different from either movie, except maybe one has green ones, and the other has fuzzy ones. In the third installment, they go to college in a poor excuse to simultaneously capitalize the Gremlins and John Belushi's Animal House. Yeah, its as bad as you imagine it. But installment four has a hot chick in latex. All is somewhat but not really forgiven.
Speaking of fourth installments, here's a review of my fav Leprechaun movie, Leprechaun 4: Leprechaun in Space. Seriously. It really is. I mean, Matt makes the movie sounds hilariously amazing, and it is. Then they had to follow the damn thing up with a stereotypical black comedy that wasn't as insane as the previous (though watching him smoke pot is somewhat worth 5 cents of the rental). You want another horror movie franchise that's amazing in space? Try Jason X. Its also similarly amazing.
Dolly Dearest, considered an inferior Child's Play clone, is also reviewed, and it doesn't sound too bad, considering Chuckie dominates the evil doll genre and doesn't like to share like the little bitch he is.
Matt doesn't just content himself with bad 80s and 90s flicks. He goes back to some classics, including the 1930s film Freaks, which is actually a really good film that makes it into horror movie courses in some colleges. Also vintage horror is The Devil's Rain, which stars Willaim Shatner, Ernest Borgnine, Tom Skerrit, and John Travolta. I'm dead serious. Shot in the mid 70s, it comes from a horror tradition that sometimes, evil wins, and its unsettling. Its worth a view just to see all these stars come together in a satanic supernova. And people melt. Serious.
Going to the tender side of the films, we get a review of My Demon Lover. Ok its not tender, its full of sex. But funny 80s romance sex. Do you like Scott Valentine? Too bad, this is a Valentine vehicle.
A better star vehicle is my fav halloweeny, witchy movie: Elvira: Mistress of the Dark, which stars the busty Elvira and lots and lots of titty jiggling. Also a hostess of bad movies, she falls under my idol ranking with Joel, Mike, and some robots. If you've never seen the Elvira movie, you are cheating yourself out of a quirky, cute, and halloweeny flick.
And tits. Her magnificent tits.
Another witchy movie comes in the form of the monstrocity that is The Worst Witch. It has Tim Curry in it. And he has a music video. That's all you need to know. The review makes this whole movie, so much that I made it a point to force this flick on family members after reading about it. And that's why I live in the patio.
Oh yeah....I'm supposed to do toys too. In our home stretch we got Dracula related things. The first is a comic book offer to buy HONEST TO GOD REAL DIRT FROM DRACULA'S CASTLE. We all know its leftover Swiss Miss in there. Shame shame. The second is a top 20 list of weirdo Dracula items that span from toys to games, and even viewmasters (if you have to google that, you are sadly too young).
I think I've filled your day/night with enough reading. Test on wednesday, open note.
By Dio (10/22/12)
All linked articles here are by Matt who runs the brand spanking new Dinosaur Dracula.