Picture this. It's the early-to-mid-90s. Your plonked in front of your console of choice, playing this awesome new game you just purchased and you are kicking fucking ASS. You've been playing for at least an hour- maybe two- and you're almost at the Final Boss. Oh man, that giant lizard is going to PAY for kidnapping the princess, just you wait and- OH FUCK YOU GAME, HOW THE FUCK DID YOU EXPECT ME TO DODGE THAT FUCKING FIREBALL?!
That's it. That was your last life. You're out of continues. You didn't write down any passwords. GAME OVER, NERD. YOU LOST. But surely that's the worst of it, right? You just lost after getting so far, surely the game can't possibly mock you further? Then the music kicks in. That particular type of tune that, no matter weather it's a silly little ditty, pure nightmare fuel, or even a funky little number that goes on for a surprisingly long time, all have one thing in common- it's mocking you in one way or another. And even worse, the tune will be forever burned into your memory BECAUSE of the fact that it's a silly little ditty, pure nightmare fuel, or a funky little number that goes on for a surprisingly long time.
I've compiled a list of my tops picks of this sort of tune, ones that used to haunt my childhood. Why? Because lists are always welcomed by the masses, that’s why!
NUMBER 10: Sonic the Hedgehog 3
This one was an obvious choice. For Christ sake just LISTEN TO IT. It's almost like a combination of synthesized, 16-bit laughter mixed with the sound of a Tuba tune that plays when a fat man falls over.
NUMBER 9: Awesome Possum Kicks Dr. Machino's Butt
(Skip ahead to 1:06)
This could have potentially counted as nightmare fuel, what with the Game Over tune starting out sounding like the rest of the shitty soundtrack before morphing into some Noir-Esque twiddling, and the disturbing-as-shit-for-a-kids-game Game Over screen (GRAVEYARD IN A TRASH HEAP WHAT IS THAT SHIT?!). However, one thing is getting in the way; this game is fucking awful and nobody is emotionally attached to the smug-ass lead character of this game. Moving on.
NUMBER 8: Alien Storm
Yeah, thanks, Alien Storm. Go from that catchy-ass, almost Electro-Funk-Metal sounding BGM into a short tune made of sudden musical stabs that can easily frighten an unsuspecting child. You haven't contributed to my totally fabricated and on-the-spot phobia of sudden musical stabs at all.
NUMBER 7: Space Harrier II
Because nothing says "You fucked up" like the begining of what sounds like a Funeral Dirge.
NUMBER 6: Ristar
"Ha! You can't even pay enough attention to keep a ridiculously adorable, anthromorphised star with extendable arms alive! You really are a failure at life! May I suggest suicide?"
NUMBER 5: Super Ghouls 'n Ghosts
Hands up everyone else who has this damned game over sequence/music burned into their brains forever. Awesome. Now join me in a collective weep-fest as the PTSD flashbacks of this damned game come flooding back.
NUMBER 4: Alien 3
The movie was god-awful, but the game was ok. Had a cool soundtrack, too. It's just a pity that this song continues to play in my head every time I trip up and fall over.
NUMBER 3: Sonic the Fighters
ARGH, STABBING MELODIES!! FUCK, NO, MAKE IT GO AWAY, MAKE IT GO AWAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!
Moving on~
NUMBER 2: Sonic CD (US Soundtrack)
THIS, ladies and germs, is pure, high octane nightmare fuel in musical form; this is one tune that would continue to haunt your nightmares long after you lost the game, and would horrify you to the point that you would be DETERMIND not to lose. In an odd sense, it became a sort-of impromptu encouragement to beat Sonic CD. For the north American kids, at least; we lucky Europeans/Japanese got the much more light-hearted and less nightmare-enducing Game Over theme. Hope your parents had lots of money on the side to pay for your therapy sessions.
Now, I know what you're thinking. Why isn't that number one? This is why;
NUMBER 1: Altered Beast
This gem came from the mind of the man that composed the score for Pac Man, Toshio Kai, and is in fact the very Anti-Thesis of a Game Over theme. It's not scary. It's not sudden stabs of sound or a depressing organ tune. It's a funky little tune that contrasts with the rest of the Altered Beast score quite a bit, and- here’s the big offender- as the game has no sound test, the only ay you'd hear it is by losing all of your lives. THIS SONG PRACTICALLY ENCOURAGED YOU TO LOSE BECAUSE IT WAS JUST THAT DAMN CATCHY.
And that is why I never beat Altered Beast. Which is totally not me covering my ass for sucking too much to get past Stage 3. Ayup. Still, something good DID come of it. And would be this;
Pardon me whilst i proceed to get the fuck down.
~ J-MACHine