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So guess where I was recently.
Yup. I was at a Lady Gaga concert. Why? Well, it sorta went like this:
Younger Sister: We're gonna see Lady Gaga this August for my birthday. Wanna come?
Dio: WOULD I?! 8D
YS: Would you?
Dio: WOULD I?! 8D
YS: Would you?
Dio: WOULD I?! 8D
YS: Would you?
Dio: ....would I what? >>
YS: Would you wanna go to the Lady Gaga concert?
Dio: WOULD I?! 8D
And so last tuesday, I was escorting my little sisters, now Little Monsters, to her highness of Gay Pop, Lady Gaga at the HP Pavillion, aka THE SHARK TANK 8D. They have hockey games there. :3
I'd provide pics of the outside, where, not unlike Fanime recently and sadly now even Comic Con, there are troops of the JESUS SAVES EVERYONE BUT PEOPLE WE HATE have picketed the area, shouting their word of "love" of Jesus to every Gaga monster out there. Its weird, but I've noticed that beyond the rallying cries of "GOD HATES FAGS", these guys can't seem to let anyone really be, and now that gay-bashing is obviously SO passe, the new rally becomes "GOD HATES GEEKS".
I know, like we nerds have enough haters, right? *insert eye-roll here*
Again, I'd have pics, but I had my camera in my bag, and didn't feel the need to waste precious space on people who think that love must obviously equal "I'm totally right and everyone is going to hell". They DID provide an awesome gem I feel the need to share with all my little friends:
Jesus Fanatic: Do you love Jesus?
Random Dressed as Gaga Fan: Uh, yes.
Jesus Fanatic: Then why are you dressed like a prostitute?
The answer is, of course, "because I'm part of the church of Mary Magdalene". I guess. >> Disconnect much?
ANYWAY, that's not why you're here. You're here to see pics. And videos. Which took all day to load onto my Youtube. Fucking Viacom.
First off, I felt severely under-dressed. Why, you may ask? Its a concert. Well, THIS IS WHY, MY TASTY LITTLE FRIEN's 8D:
The cosplayer in me was severely disappointed. :( If I had known how AWESOME some of these outfits would be, I'd have worn something much more apropo. ......Like....Uh...a pokemon trainer. So I took some, with the promise that they'd be up somehwere on the net. Besides here. I have a flickr account somewhere......
LOOK AT THIS. I loved it with every fiber in my body. Spirit gum is your friend. :)
Yeah, I had to. It was too tempting NOT TO. Notice how severely under dressed I was. I salute you, Miz Gaga Fan. You are a credit to cosplayers everywhere. *salutes*
A good couple people had done this with their hair. Its smacks so well of Derelique, only without Zoolander, thankfully.
See, I'd go to more concerts if it were like this more frickin often. Yus. :3
We got some decent seats. Far enough back but not too far. My onlr regret was not bringing my dad's awesome super terrific digital camera. That baby had zoom like no one's bidness. The best I got was this, however. (click for full view)
Not bad, but not perfect. You'll find some of my pics don't do any of the stage or her outfits any justice. Oh well, that's the way the queen dances.
SPEAKING OF. Can I say the lead singer for Semi Precious Weapons has better legs than I do? >> JEEEEAAAALLLLLOUSSSSS. I'd provide pics but, again, my camera was not up for the FAB the concert was oozing. I rather liked the band, in its glam rock ways. Cuz dammit, I do love me my glam rock. I love a band that calls us "San Jose bitches". Cuz dammit, we are, and we DO. Drink a lot, that is. I heard they were at the Voodoo Lounge that night too. I can't pay rent but I'm fucking gorgeous, bitches.
In the arena, Virgin Mobile had a scrolling screen for all us lil monsters to text our praises and love to Mama Monster, available when you text the code to the shown number, which prolly costs a gajillion dollars every text, but hey, we're worth it, right?
I was waiting for the inevitable "will you marry me?" text, but either we had some smart cookies in the audience or I just plain missed it w/ all the awesome costumed freaks running around, so the screen was blessedly free of tacky marriage proposals. Wow what a sentence.
I do love the "TRANNIES 4 GAGA" text but this one really took the cake:
I heart you, Internet. I heart you long time and hard.
I just want to letcha'll know that this article has taken all frickin' day, due to the massive amounts of video uploading and picture sorting. Somewhere I am making a server crash, and that's ok.
But what are we here for? GAGA, baby, and nothin' but.
Her entrance was, as per her penchant for the incredible, larger than life and colorfully FABU. Because really, the woman is a performance artist first and a musical siren second. So of course, as seen from above, that was the intro to her concert, Monster Ball, a loose narrative of she and her posse of backup dancers trying to get to the aforementioned ball, where you can be who you wanna be.
I want to be and insane maniac. Oh wait. I ALREADY AM. 8D
Story elements notwithstanding (if you want to talk story in a concert, the narrative in the Trans-Siberian Orchestra concerts have more of one), this is your first step into the fab world of Lady Gaga. Keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times.
Seen in the clip at the header, you'll see how larger than life this concert was shaping up to be. This is the first of many zany costumes AND stage changes, which are done under the cover of the giant projector screen (where her shadow is projected occasionally) that loop slow-motion....uh....things. Its pretty nifty.
Also: this truck is a keyboard. Yes.
The stage here is a street that I would love to see at Disneyland's Hollywood Stage. Because the neon is totally SO Disney-esque.
I do so wish for a Sexy Ugly neon light. Also note the flashy background. Yes, it IS as awesome is you think it is, since stills do it no justice at all.
There's also a light up monkey bar set, not unlike the kind you would have had in elementary school, if your elementary school was full of dancing queens in leather chaps, LSD worthy backdrops, and seizure inducing lights. Like mine was.
Don't lie, you know you want one.
Gaga's taste for the extravagant didn't stop at the sets and the costumes. She also had odd instruments, in addition to the truck-board. Like this lovely example:
I mean, seriously, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE? Like some mutant hellspawn of a bass, keytar, and pumped up on steroids. If anyone can make out what it is, please send me a better picture, cuz DAMMIT I must own one. ;.;
Lady Gaga is a vampire, only she sparkles from the divine light of popstardom.
Check out this latex nun outfit. I expect to see these at Spencer's Gifts this Halloween.
Without that giant big screen, I wouldn't be able to bring you the AWESOME. This subway is about as rockin as THIS subway was, only w/o the Tom Hanks mother fucker rocking out. Sadly, I am a bit disappointed.
At this point in the show, she comes out with this enviable for several reasons (least of all the "i wish I had a sparkly rod of fairyness" reason) sparkling LED flashlight rod-stick thing. At the end of the song, she said her dick was bigger than ours. And damn it, it was true. Look at this thing.
Thunder.
Thunder.
THUNDERCAT HOES.
Bitches.
I swear to god, it was like channeling Lion-O, only I'm fairly certain that Lady Gaga's fake dick was 10 times bigger than Lion-O's non-existent one.
I know. She told us.
Lady Gaga is unamused by my big dick jokes.
What's that you say? More ridiculous musical instruments? Asssss youuuuuu wiiiiiiish.
I think that's a keyboard thing. But never mind that. you want to know why I think Lady Gaga owns my frickin' soul (and ate my heart, which according to her, "was delicious")? The fact she had a violinist in addition to the guitarists. That makes my lady parts flutter. :3
What's Lady Gaga's favorite part of the show? Interacting with the audience of course! What Rich says is Gaga's playing the game, is exactly what it is. Sure, its all a narcissist's world here at the Monster Ball. This entire show, despite her thanks to us the audience, is all about her.
Hey, I PAID to see her. I'm not complaining. Disengenuous or not, I paid money to see a show, and damn it, I sure as hell got one. I could care less about the philosophy on either end of the argument. I paid to be entertained and, holy shit I was. Believe what you will and what you want, whatever you can swallow. But for me, I certainly had a great time.
Enough preaching and talking. MORE endless madness. This segment is where the stage got pelted with things. "Non-hard things, please" was her suggestion, and not unlike a Barenaked Ladies concert, where they throw jelly babies and macaroni at the stage, Gaga's presents were tossed up onto the stage. She called them "presents", flitting from one place to another, picking them up like a child after the 4th of July, looking for spent but still playably intact firecrackers. Her story was that her father told her not to pick up things tossed onto the stage because it only encouraged people to throw more. "I guess we should listen to our parents," she chuckles.
"Oh. Jesus. Thank you!" she said of some religious object tossed onto the stage. Someone tossed an Agatha Christie book. "Is this good?" she asked. I mean, tossing crosses and underwear (more on that in a sec), and even paper fliers is one thing. A book? >> Some of these little monsters are truely odd. Myself I'd have tossed up a Green Bamboo Peanut. A gift fit for the gods, I always say.
Underwear you say? Why yes, someone DID toss some up. With a written message longer than Twitter's character limit.
She slid them onto her leather bikini later on for a piano set. After which she fitted them onto her guitarist.
I can only hope outside of the Sharpie, they were a reletively clean set of underoos.
During this segment, she called a lucky fan on their phone to get them closer to the action. Cool, but I found the dude who got to play with Linkin Park during their Meteora tour was actually luckier. Cuz, well, he got to play Faint with them. At least I think it was Faint. I'm old.
Youngest Sister: Her piano is on fire.
Dio: Indeed it is.
Everything is Teal and Orange.
Yes, its really blue, but the same principal remains.
Color Wheel. WE'RE LEARNING. 8D
Uh oh. What's what on the horizon? A GLITTER TORNADO?
Which can only mean one thing.
EPIC COSTUME CHANGE BEHIND A PROJECTOR SCREEN.
I'm not complaining. Because this costume was quite frankly my favorite. Something like an icy fairy princess with fins, this one was the costume I so dearly wished I had a high powered camera for. It was simply stunning. These pictures do the damned thing no justice.
Thank god for the big screen, or else I would have the worst photos ever. Unless I scanned the photo program, but my sister would flay me if I even bent the binding slightly to LOOK at it. @_@
This one is my absolute fav, in spite of the limitations of my camera. It looks so abstract. I dunno.
I hope you guys are clicking to full view. Because if not, you are wasting your life.
Put your paws up. That whole rigamaroll was another distraction for the set up of this set, a monstrocity of brambles, trees, and something about Central Park.
I guess Central Park from the point of view of Tim Burton so vainly trying to be Guillermo del Toro.
I don't know. That just sounded serviceable atm.
Oh yeah. Her costume? I think it was somewhere between a Muppet gone mad, a mop, and a mushroom.
I'm very sorry but the lady you are looking for is in another castle.
But I'm here if you're open to alternatives.
Oh, Alejandro.
Otherwise known as
Let's get BLASPHEMOUS. BLASPHEMOUS! 8D
On the upside, I'm sure this must have helped incense the Jesus Fanatics outside. On the other upside, the statue was also I think a fountain, with which to wash off some of her blood from her previous act.
On the downside....oh wait. There was no downside. There is only Zool.
And Alejandro.
Q. How do you wake up Lady Gaga in the morning?
A. Poke her face.
*beaten*
Though I have to say if it had Christopher Walken, I probably would have died from the sheer awesome.
What's that over there? >>
ITS THE FAME MONSTER. I think. I wasn't paying much attention other than, "HOLY SHIT, that's one heckuva nice set piece".
Not a bad prop piece, is it? I kinda half expected to see somebody get eaten. Unfortunately, this was not to be, but we did get to see how she defeated it.
With sparkler nipples. Which unfortunately I didn't have good pics of. But it DID happen. Because I got pics, yo.
Er. Sorta.
I promise, we're almost done.
It was a pretty grand finale, with her posse finally making it to the Monster Ball. But our icing treat was after the encore. Of which I had barely enough space on my memory card to grab snippets of.
There's an equation in there, I just KNOW IT. Its like she's trying to TELL ME SOMETHING.
Some say its bad taste to play Bad Romance during a wedding ceremony. To that I say, pshaw. It could be worse. you could be playing a Bobby Brown song and Whitney Houston song back to back.
Oh, I went there. I WENT THERE, TOOK PICTURES AND MADE AN ALBUM. And a photo mug, just for the helluvit.
Over all, I really enjoyed the concert, despite the fact I'm probably not a "real" fan (hell, I only knew the lyrics to maybe 3 of her songs, and they're all the ones you've heard on the radio. Gaga. Radio Goo Goo, Radio Blah Blah). But I don't really mind the label of being a lil monster. Mostly because I have the penchant for biting people.
Seeing as how the last real concert I've been to besides Trans-Siberian Orchestra was Linkin Park's Meteora tour, I can't say I was unsatisfied. Still, you put anything with a club bass that hurts your chest like first time love, and you have a willing audio slave of me and my ears. I'm easy to please, I guess. But I can live with that.
Now let's see how long these vids can stay up before Viacom decides to get annoying. 8D
--Dio (8/19/10)
Finding Nemo is property of Disney and Pixar.
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