Fall fest review

My name is Johnny Parker and I am a fourth grader at Grinnell Elementary School. I like math and spelling and vocabulary. Yesterday’s vocabulary word of the day was nihilism, which means extreme skepticism. This weekend, my parents took my four-year-old brother Ike and I to Fall Fest. The entire experience can be best described as nothingness.

This year’s Fall Fest was almost cancelled by the rain because God hates Fall Fest. But instead, Fall Fest was moved inside. We began by watching the tennis players, but Ike and I were the only two students in the stands. We also watched the football players lose the game.

In the middle of the game, there was an obstacle course for kids. But the obstacles were all muddy and smelled like cow poop. I think my soul died then, and it smelled like cow poop and disappointment.

After that, we went to Community Day, and tried to listen to live music but all of the music sounded like nothingness. It was like a black hole for the ears. We also went to food trucks but the food tasted like nothing. I may as well have been eating air, but air wouldn’t taste like sadness and disappointment.

After Fall Fest, we went to a play called Nice Fish, but it should have been titled “Nothing Really Matters.” The only lines in the play were “Nothing truly matters, all that glitters is nothing and will die.” Ike started crying and I told him to stop because nothing is more annoying than a little kid crying. Well, other than nothing.

After Nice Fish, we went to LAMER tag, which is laser tag but incredibly lame. The barriers kept falling over and hitting the college almost-grown-ups. All of them were acting like zombies. Perhaps college teaches you that nothing truly matters and everything is meaningless. They were so out of it, almost as if they were being influenced by something other than themselves.

Finally, we went to the pajama party. The pajama party was perhaps the epitome of nothingness. Unfortunately, nobody wore pajamas and the movie was nothing but static. I felt so sad! One of the college grown-ups gave me his iPod and said it would help, but when I put the headphones in, I heard absolutely nothing. When my parents asked Ike if he liked the play, he said “Nothing really matters, nothing at all. No one understands that life is just a slow trek to death.” Fall Fest broke Ike!

All in all, Fall Fest has taught me about nihilism. I no longer fear death because I have felt it at Fall Fest. I know that there is nowhere to go after death, and that life is truly meaningless. I never want to go to college because it is a dark hole in which no one will ever recover. Below is a drawing representing how I feel about Fall Fest in particular and life in general.