alumni break campus barricade

Above: A rampaging alum is detained by a member of Campus Safety.

After a group of alumni managed to breach the fortifications around Harris last week, the Grinnell College Administration has since confirmed that the perimeter breach has been resealed and the alums neutralized.

“This was a regrettable incident, but we would like to assure the campus community that we are working toward increasing our defenses against the alums,” said Head of Security Samantha Majid. “And almost as important, we need to make sure the campus is following established alum safety protocols. Last week’s incident only occurred because a current student let the alums into campus.”

Since the watchtowers, barricades, and fortress walls were erected around the perimeter of Grinnell’s campus, alumni breaches have become almost non-existent. Much thanks to the work of Alumni Relations working in tandem with ACE Security and Grinnell Campus Safety.

“The numbers don’t lie. Alum raids have been virtually squashed, and the only reports of alum contact come ill-advised wandering into extra-Grinnell territory,” explained Majid. “Well, that, and students going against better judgement and allowing alums past the gates.”

As a result, Majid and the Office of Alumni Development are pushing for stricter oversight on students who man campus defenses.

With a few exceptions, most of the watchtower guards, artilleryfolk, and so on, are student workers. Several reports trickle in every month about these student guards concealing and smuggling alums past the walls. Such was the case with last week’s incident, as a North Campus Sentinel, George Denbo ’19, disabled Harris defenses for just 15 seconds.

“I just, I just wanted to let in my friend, Doug DeMora ’17, in for like, a second! I hadn’t seen him in so long and I thought it’d be fine, but before I could turn the defenses back on, a few stragglers rushed the gate and got into Harris and . . .” Denbo trailed off. Denbo is currently being held in the Old Glove Factory under ACE custody, facing criminal charges.

“I didn’t know, I didn’t think it’d be a big deal!” he continued.

Luckily, a response team was quickly dispatched to take care of the flock of alums.

“There were seven alums that made it into campus in that 15 second window. Four were neutralized on the spot in Harris, and three were captured in North Loggia,” said Response Squad Leader Darielle Ramirez ’18. “Luckily, it was chilly and the alums didn’t want to traverse Mac Field.”

Some students have reported feeling uneasy about the ethics of alumni relations.

“You can’t think of one as a ‘former student.’ It’s an alum, and that’s the cold truth. Who knows what they could bring into our Grinnell space after being released into the wilds, the so-called ‘real world?’” said Majid.

Denbo’s former friend, Doug DeMora, was among the captured alums. Per his request, Demora was placed under Denbo’s care. “I was fine with this alum defense stuff before, when I was a first year, but now I have alum friends. Or well, that’s what I thought . . .” Denbo brought DeMora to ARH Construction Site, where all the alums are put.

“But when I put the gun to his head and really looked at him, you know what I saw? Nothing. It’s like he wasn’t even there. I guess post-grad really does change you.”