Grinnell Professor elected mayor

GRINNELL – This year, the race for Grinnell mayor resulted in a surprise upset. Although frontrunner Henry Blankenship was considered the only candidate and therefore the winner of the election, a number of write-in votes led to local linguistic professor Jefferson Ron Lansen’s election.

“I figured that Henry would win, so I didn’t even bother voting,” local resident Lara Battle stated. “He was the only person running so he should’ve won, right?”

There exists a clause in the Grinnell charter that states that if a write-in candidate has twice as many votes as a pre-registered candidate, they may win the mayorship. And indeed, only two people voted in this mayoral election: Ellery Chance and Lake Bronzeleaf, both Class of ‘18 Political Science majors.

“Professor Lansen hates the government,” Chance explained. “So we figured we’d write both him in as a joke. And...he won.”

Professor/Mayor Lansen is a dedicated professor. However, some have questioned his ability to mayor, because he hates the government.

“Yeah, this is our bad,” said Bronzeleaf.

Still, many citizens are incredibly excited about the new mayor, some saying that he will help unite the town and college in a spirit of confluence.

“I think that Professor/Mayor Lansen loves Grinnell as both a college and as a town. He also knows a lot about the town itself, so he’ll be great!” citizen Battle stated when asked about the new mayor. “Yes, he doesn’t believe in cell phones and I think it’s a bit concerning that he has no email address and only uses candlelight rather than electricity. But he seems really quirky.”

Professor Baazi, History, agreed: “As a neoliberal, I claim to disdain most forms of government, really. But I think that Professor Lansen will do a great job,” she said.

Professor/Mayor Lansen could not be reached, but many surmise that he plans on disbanding the government, as well as reinstalling Windows 95 on all of the local computers. Ironically enough, this has led to a swarm of bros descending upon Grinnell, waving banners and heralding Lansen as the natural successor to their former hero, Bernie Sanders.

As for the election’s sole voters, Chance and Bronzeleaf, they can be spotted toasting victory at Rabbit’s Tavern, or talking about it to any other political science major who will listen.