Letter to the Editors: Papyrus

The following editorial was delivered anonymously to the publications office. In no way did we solicit this opinion.

Forget the discourse on whether or not Grill(e) includes an “e.” There is something far more sinister concerning Grill(e) signage in our midst: the horrifying truth that the sign for the Spencer Grill(e) is written in Papyrus.

Nothing else on display in the JRC is written in Papyrus. Heck, nothing else on campus is written in Papyrus. It simply does not mesh with the rest of our selected typography. Not to mention, of course, the fact that Papyrus is aesthetically displeasing to the eye. This font should be reserved for sketchy spas and fifth graders’ Egyptology projects.

I’m not saying Papyrus is as wretched as, like, Comic Sans, but at least apply some basic elements of graphic design and choose a font that doesn’t immediately scream “Word Document.” Didn’t SNL do a video about Papyrus last year? If it was too gauche for Avatar, it’s definitely not good enough for the Grill(e). Our haven of 11 p.m. mozz sticks deserves better than an overstuffed, visually-nauseating blockbuster.

Wikipedia tells me the guy who invented Papyrus was only twenty-three and fresh out of college when he designed the font. As a general rule, anything a twenty-three-year-old guy does is shitty. Putting this font on a sign is essentially the equivalent of taking somebody else’s wet laundry out of the machine at the laundromat and dropping it into the lost-and-found box: not only morally repugnant, but totally gross.

I probed a few Grill(e) employees as to whether they had any knowledge of why their sign is in such an unfortunate state. I received no valid answer, beyond an emphatic “Please, get out from behind the counter. This is a health violation,” after questioning the supervisor. This is unacceptable. All employees should be fully informed on every aspect of the business they serve. That’s just, like, the rules of capitalism.

We Grinnellians pride ourselves on our commitment to social justice, but there is no just society that includes a prominent display of Papyrus. Will all the signage in the new HSSC be written in Papyrus as well? Oh, the humanity! As long as this sign continues to hang outside the Spencer Grill(e), the ghost of Josiah Bushnell Grinnell will not rest. Mr. Kington, tear down this sign!