Trick Or Treaters Crash Main Hall

SOUTH CAMPUS – On Halloween, a pair of fifth-grade twins descended upon Main Hall around 6:00 PM. At the sweet spot in life where one is too old to trick or treat with one’s parents but young enough to continue trick or treating, these young hooligans decided to mix it up this year by trick-or-treating in a new locale.

“You know what, I’ve done this trick or treating business for years – I’ve been around the block before,” remarked Alex, wearing his pirate costume. “Let’s go to the dorms.”

“We wanted to see what goodies the college students had,” chimed in Heidi, all decked out in a white sheet with holes in it, dressing as a ghost. “Mommy always warned me to stay away from the main building. Now’s the chance.”

Upon approaching the entrance via 6th Avenue, the children entered the dorm after encountering a student leaving with their laundry.

“Yeah, I let them in,” admitted Harris Miller ’19, a resident of Loose Hall. “It’s no big deal. It’s not like I live in Cleve or Main, anyways.”

When asked by reporters what they thought of the dorms, “Definitely the smell,” Alex reflected. “Just like the school gym.”

“Even worse,” said Heidi. “More like the cafeteria. I’m looking forward to transitioning to college dining halls one day.”

According to Alex, there was no answer at the first door they knocked on.

“That was pretty frustrating. It takes a lot of courage to knock on a college student’s door. I swear I heard someone moan, but whatever it was stopped after I knocked. Spooky!”

However, the second door brought better luck.

“He was pretty surprised and he smelled like a skunk,” said Heidi, “But he gave me a plant! He told me it was better for me than cigarettes, which I don’t understand.”

The third try brought more confusion. “The girl who opened the door seemed so nice!” exclaimed Alex. “She said she was giving me scotch, but she just gave me a glass of apple juice. I was disappointed, I could have used some tape. We still got some pencils, though.”

Heidi and Alex decided to try one last dorm room. “This one was the worst,” Alex said. “She gave me this little square, squishy package and said it would be useful someday and could teach me something. I have no idea what it is.”

Alex and Heidi left the dorm with enough time to resume trick or treating in the neighborhood. “We decided to leave the dorm and go back to the houses. At least we can eat raisins,” Heidi mourned.

“Yeah, college students give even worse stuff out than adults. It’s like they haven’t even heard of candy. Sure, they have their plants and juice, but where’s my KitKat?” questioned Alex.

However, Alex and Heidi decided to keep their worthless trinkets as mementos from a daring evening. “I like gardening, so maybe I can use this plant for something,” Heidi said. “My dad will probably know what to do with it.”

“I’m saving this apple juice for a special occasion,” Alex promised. “It smells really strong.”

After going home and eating their raisins, Alex and Heidi fell asleep for the night. However, when they woke up, something was amiss.

“All I can find is the pencils!” Heidi shouted. “Where’s our loot?” Alex begged.

Meanwhile, their parents were fast asleep, for once satisfied with trick or treating.