New Paint in Noyce Masks Dark Secret

Above: Satanic Portal Bleeds Through New Paint Layer

NOYCE – Recently, certain walls in Noyce’s basement and Psychology wing have been covered in a thick layer of paint. Although most students consider this to be a redecoration in progress, a faculty whistle-blower has revealed the true purpose of the paint.

“It’s to cover up a large demonic ritual performed over Winter Break,” claims our source.

“Students often perform minor rituals throughout the semester to improve their grades, but I guess they really wanted to do well on their finals this semester. I, personally, blame this all on the kids playing Dungeons and Dragons in their spare time. It really is a gateway into a darker realm. These rituals are quite dangerous. Twenty-three students became possessed last semester, and those are just the ones we know about. The new SHACS exorcist is overwhelmed.”

Because of these rituals, the walls were covered in sigils and symbols, as well as mysterious writing in an ancient language. Although most of it was written in chalk and dry erase markers gathered from around Noyce, some of it was scrawled in what appears to be 0-negative blood.

“The paint has to be reapplied every night,” complained one facilities management member. “For some reason, the writing just starts to bleed through if left alone long enough.”

When asked about it, a student by the name of Rebecca said “These rituals are doing wonders for my GPA. A sigil that taps into the power of darkness gives that extra boost in concentration you need, just like a cup of coffee in the morning.”

In fact, according to an anonymous survey, fifty-three percent of students are aware of the trend of using magic to improve academic standing, while twenty percent use it. Eight percent of all student were present at the mega ritual in Noyce over Winter Break.

“I’m glad to see young people taking a more vested interest in the dark arts,” says Akzeriuth, Mother of Sadness and Reaper of Souls, a demon we summoned for an interview. “I thought we were done for when parents started banning Harry Potter and Pokémon, our main methods of influencing human children, but I guess you can’t keep us out for long.”

Although some professors appreciate the higher quality of work provided by students because of the occult, others take a different view.

“It’s a question of academic honesty,” said one professor. “Some students fail to adequately cite the dark forces that they have invoked while completing their coursework.”