Liberals are werewolves
Above: Found footage of a liberal werewolf destroying our idyllic country.
This week we have a special guest article written by visiting intern Thomas Miller, of Breitbart News.
THE ONLY RIGHTEOUS COUNTRY IN THE WORLD – Thanks to the pioneering work of countless Americans, a fact which many suspected for decades has finally come to light. A group of concerned citizens under the name American Protection has just confirmed that liberals are werewolves.
Ivan Kozlov, of Boise, Idaho, said, “I’ve known something was wrong since I was a small American child. I would hear the howls of wolves at night every full moon. Sometimes, when everyone else was asleep, they would transform into grotesque calls of ending ‘discrimination’ or dismantling the ‘patriarchy’. Once, just a few years ago, I witnessed a giant wolf-like creature dashing across the lawn of my house wearing size XXL Toms and a faded Green Day shirt. It was then that my worst fears were confirmed. While I tried to notify my fellow American citizens, the deep state and the fake news liberal media conspired to silence me. Now, finally, the years of evidence I’ve collected can no longer be ignored.”
Uncovering this evidence was a risky business for the tireless American citizens who discovered the plot.
According to Alina Baranova of Greensboro, North Carolina, ”We had a stake-out during every full moon for ten years outside the homes of confirmed liberals. We all brought along our personal semi-automatic pistols, and the sight of any kind of gun usually scared off any approaching werewolves. However, sometimes we were accused of suspicious behavior by the police and we had to explain both our presence outside the back door of a random house as well as well as the presence of our semi-automatic pistols, which is another worrying sign that the lycanthropy is spreading.”
“We also had a few close calls with getting bitten. Werewolves would sneak up on us, or there were a few especially bold ones. Luckily, we only lost one member. It was pretty sad actually, she was a good friend of mine. Last I heard, nowadays she lives in a ‘sustainable’ community in Oregon working on artwork and becoming an ‘activist’. Someday I hope we will be able to find a cure, but for now she is dead to me as we are no longer friends on Facebook.”
The discovery has motivated many American citizens to take decisive action.
Vladimir Putin, of Ankeny, Iowa, stated “It really scares me to know that these liberal werewolves are running around during the full moon killing our pets, scaring our grandmothers, and creating intricate new environmental regulations each hour. I’m not sure how my beautiful country that I love dearly has fallen to this level, but I know it needs to stop. Therefore, I will vote at least once to re-elect Donald Trump in 2020, and I urge all of my fellow residents of America to do the same.”
Given the overwhelming evidence these citizens present as well as the $300 I received from their organization, it seems overwhelming and factually clear that the only way to stop this plague of lycanthropy is, as our good friend and fellow American Vladimir says, to vote to re-elect Donald Trump.