Say It Now!  Say It Right!  How to Handle Tough or Tender Conversations, by Mary J. Nestor, Panoma Press, 2016

Not every difficult conversation, according to author Mary J. Nestor, has to leave the speaker with a nagging "now what's next?" feeling.  Even if the discussion does not cover the ugly issues of termination or probation warnings, we are often challenged to say what works - at the right time, and in the right venue.

Nestor breaks down the communication challenges and offers guidelines - even notes that we can post on my favorite index cards - to get it right.  After all, we're not just working to meet corporate goals - we want to reduce stress and teach and learn better communication skills at the same time.  Chapter 6, for example, "Say It Now! For Leaders" demonstrates how an indecisive leadership style was hurting one executive's organization when he, trying to please everyone, would issue a statement, shortly thereafter modifying it to respond to other employees' reactions.  The stress on the organization, as well as the leader, was breaking down the management team.  And, says Nestor, leaders who can't make a decision or always ask others to make it for them lose credibility and respect.

Chapter 6,"Say It Now for Leaders!" lists three types of organization breakers and their impact on flows, with some advice for concerned leaders.  You probably have seen these behaviors outside the work environment as well - :

1.  The impossible employee,  the person who is a marginal performer, a total screw-up, or a miserable jerk who somehow escapes getting fired but keeps getting promoted up and out of one department to another.  

2.  The meeting hogger - this is the person who dominates the discussion, or who may make snarky comments while others are speaking, or even uses his cellphone during the meeting!  Again this is an everyday challenge every seasoned leader needs to be ready for.

3.  The "agree with everyone" leader.  This leadership style can, says the author, be the most frustrating because it creates no solid ground.  Team members wonder what's next, and they begin to hold back on commitments, not knowing where their supposed leader will leave them.

Chapter 25, "You're not the boss of me, Taking on the Bullies," offers particularly useful strategies for corporate survival because although we know the bullies are out there,  we are not always prepared to meet them head on.  Here, Nestor offers cautious guidance for getting through a bullying experience intact.  "There are," she says, " real risks when you Say It Now! to a bully.  Even if you are taking up for someone else, speaking up can make the bully redirect his wrath at you."  What's the smart strategy?  Nestor advises lining up your resources first of line of authority, including law enforcement.  Second, she advises victims to speak out early on - resist the urge to ignore or try to handle the situation alone.  She urges us to bring the bully out into the open early to expose them and alert other helpers; don't go it alone, but carefully take the challenge forward.

Not every response in Say It Now!, however, is a work challenge.  Nestor covers the kind of everyday challenges that require just the right response with just the right timing.  Speaking the truth to friends, spouses, baby-sitters even, may require a response repertoire that will make the difference between embarrassment or ineffectiveness, and smiling success.  Reduce her recommendations to simple sentences, and laminate them on an index card!

Patricia E. Moody

FORTUNE magazine  "Pioneering Woman in Mfg" 

IndustryWeek IdeaXchange Xpert

A Mill Girl at Blue Heron Journal, on-line resource for business thought-leaders and decision-makers,  patriciaemoody@gmail.com