Two Feminist books: All the Single Ladies and What I Told My Daughter
All the Single Ladies, Unmarried Women and the Rise of an Independent Nation by Rebecca Traister, Simon & Schuster 2016
Ann Lamott has praised Traister as "the most brilliant voice on feminism in this country," but the significance of this unique work is that it summarizes shifts that we need to pay attention to, because these changes describe so many social changes among us. For instance, in 2009, the proportion of American women who were married dropped below fifty percent. The median age of first marriages, which had remained between twenty and twenty-two years old for nearly a century (1890-1980), had risen to twenty-seven.
But what readers will find surprising is Traister's research showing that when women were given options beyond early heterosexual marriage, the results were massive social change - temperance, abolition, secondary education, and more.
Now, twenty percent of Americans between the ages of 18 and 29 are wed, compared to nearly sixty percent in 1960, 55 years ago. Traister, a single woman and journalist takes us through the milestones and shifts that got us here, including:
* the relationship the media has toward single women, and how it has perpetuated stereotypes and misinformation about single women
* changing perceptions of motherhood and increased fertility options have changed the game for modern women
* the "wifey state", long supported by government and the nation, has supported and encouraged male power and independence, often at great cost to women.
The fun part of this book is how the author includes life stories from an assortment of independent women - , a hair stylist, a TV host, a legal assistant, teacher - and their "Where are they now?" revisits. Not all are single, most continue their careers, and some have children. None of them appear to have had it easy.
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What I Told My Daughter, Lessons from Leaders on Raising the Next Generation of Empowered Women, by Nina Tassler with Cynthia Littleton, ATRIA Books 2016
I don't know what to make of this book. On the plus side, it's a collection of essays/chapters from 54 well-known women - Ruth Bader Ginsburg, etc. And still on the plus side, there's no sign of Hilary Clinton. But on the cons, the list is not all what I wanted to see - not enough real CEOs - who cares what Whoopi Goldberg thinks at this point, except Whoopi Goldberg, or consultants, or women on the Board, or women with cancer, and no women in manufacturing. AND THERE IS NO INDEX!!!
And truthfully, I'd like to learn more from Millennial women, the ones who somehow got past their mother's guilt at working while simultaneously (sometimes) parenting. What did the Millennial women take from their growing up experience? We know they marry later, have fewer kids, and face long periods of aloneness, but is that all there is? Are we headed toward a society of 39 year old women who long ago froze their eggs, fearing that the right guy would not come along at the right time? And when will they discover the economic power now in their hands, the attraction that equity, even if its a 400 square foot lofted studio on the Upper East Side, presents to potential mates on the marriage market? Is it really all about money, even love?
Of course we won't find the answers to these tough questions among these women. One way or another they have each reached some recognizable level of celebrity, and hopefully happiness. The background training and preparation is as we would expect, incredibly uneven. There may be a couple MIT-trained scientists or engineers, several doctors and their daughters, among them breast cancer pioneer Dr. Susan Love), some lawyers, including Gloria Allred, despite the fact that the graduate school ranks in these specialties are all over 50% women. Which would you want for your daughter - a life in reality TV, movies and talk shows, or work saving human lives (like Dr. Beverly Schafer and Dr. Rebecca Yang, pioneering breast cancer surgeons) and exploring new technologies (Patti Maes, formerly of MIT Media Lab)?
Nevertheless, there are great stories and little gems in the stories of some of these accomplished women:
Cecile Richards, daughter of late Texas governor Ann Richards, came from a long line of tough Texas women - she describes it as a bit of a matriarchy. She describes the disappointing elementary school indoctrination so common to Boomer women and their students: "But it was only after my twins, Daniel and Hannah, started school that I realized how early their expectations about life were established. Their wonderful teacher handed out awards at the end of the year. The boys got prizes such as "most likely to invent something" or "most inquisitive," while the girls got "most helpful in class." I wanted Hannah to get "most likely to rule the world." I was determined that my daughters would grow up to be self-confident and fearless, along with my son."
Dolores Huerta, co-founder with Cesar Chavez of the United Farm Workers union, had eleven kids and three marriages, and what she speaks of as the biggest challenge of her working life was not facing down opposition and organizing community initiatives. It was instead having to scramble to arrange day care, every woman's nightmare.
But of all the women's stories written in this volume, you will be most moved by "Dear Eva," by Rabbi Sharon Brous:
"When you are born, Aunt Paulette told me that having a child is like wearing our heart outside your chest. You realize pretty quickly as a parent that the thing you love most in the world is something you can't fully protect, no matter what. Its a kind of vulnerability that's almost too much to bear...Someone called me recently after dropping his daughter off at college in New York. "Rabbi I finally understand why you always talk about tikkun olam," he said. "Try to make the world more just because one day you'll let go of someone you love deeply, and all you can do is hope and pray that the world is decent, kind and fair."
Women included in this book:
Geena Davis, Cecile Richards, Dolores Huerta, Rabbi Sharon Brous, Peggy Orenstein, Debora Black, Ayelet Waldman, Pat Benatar, Whoopi Goldberg, Dr. Susan Love, Nancy Pelosi, Alexandra Pelosi, Marie Osmond, Dr. Juliet Garcia, Jehan Sadat, Madeleine Albright, Joanna Kerns, Gloria Estefan, Nannerll. O. Keohane, Jennifer Dulski, Dr. Marcia McNutt, Pamela Fryman, Rath Bader Ginsburg, Brooke Shields, Laura W. Bush, Mona Sinha, Gloria Allred, Joy Marcus, Judy Vredenburgh, Sharon Osbourne, Beverly Johnson, Michaelle King, Karen Antman, Amy Antman Gelfant, Mary Steenburgen, Kimberly Hatchett, Cheryl Saban, C. Noel Bairey Merz, MD., Alex Guarnaschelli, Dana Walden, Mia Hall, Margaret Abe-Koga, Roma Downey, Chrlane McCray, Blythe Danner, Tani G. Cantil-Sakauye, Sheila bair, Ruth W. Messinger, Noah. O'Donnell, Donna De Varona, Nancy Josephson, Sukhinder Singh Cassidy, Jeanne Newman, Christine Baranski