“The Truth Doesn’t Have to Hurt,” How to Use Criticism to Strengthen Relationships, Improve Performance, and Promote Change by Deb Bright, Amacom 2015

There’s a method here, a methodology that one can learn, to delivering a difficult message in a positive way.  The author delivers four useful lessons in how to give and receive criticism:

1.       Practice basic criticism manners with attention to avoiding common mistakes made by givers (for example, taking a personalized, fault-finding rather than instructive tone) and by receivers (immediately becoming defensive and hostile, for staters).

2.       Create an atmosphere of openness to giving and receiving criticism by establishing clear relationship expectations, beginning with discussions of how to best approach others with criticism, agreement on goals linked to criticism, and firm boundaries of off-limit areas

3.       Deliver criticism with confidence in sensitive times; control how they receive criticsm, even when it’s poorly presented, and reap its benefits; and avoid the emotionally-charged tendency to take criticism personally.

4.       Putting criticism to work in managing teams, conducting performance reviews, and resolving conflicts; plus handling difficult situations, including delivering criticism to an explosive employee and getting criticized for what you were told to do. 

For example, Chapter 5, “Receiving Criticism, You have more control thank you think, “ gives  us a great example of the late George Bernard Shaw on the debut of his stage play “Arms and the Man,” his first commercial success.  The audience was thrilled and the applause went on and on…. Except for one loud “boo” heard as the clamor died down.  The playwright paused as he took his bows, and the theatre fell silent.  Shaw waited a moment and then responded, “My dear fellow, I quite agree with you, but what are we two against so many?” 

But to further clarify the possible responses to negative criticism, the author offers “The Receiver Control Chart,”  figure 5-1, the kind of flow chart manufacturing people will appreciate.  Unfortunately, although much negative criticism is received with little or no forewarning, there is, says Bright, a science to receiving and using it well, and that’s where this book is a welcome guide to real conversations about difficult situations.   

Mill Girl Verdict:  A great resource for those life and career altering conversations that we all must have,  but dread.