I Hear You, Repair Communication Breakdowns, Negotiate Successfully, and Build Consensus… in Three Simple Steps, by Donny Ebenstein,  Amacom 2013  Anybody who can claim the Israel Defense Forces’ elite Hostage Negotiation Unit as a client can certainly teach us a thing or two about communicating in a difficult, “stuck” situation! 

Start with the author’s sections on being stuck, which he characterizes as”caught in a maze, running in circles, where all your motion somehow doesn’t lead to progress.”   He relies on role-playing as a lever, but offers a new approach to moving beyond a stuck situation – story-telling.  Ebenstein recommends that not only should co-workers learn their own and their colleagues’ stories relative to the problem at hand, but that we need to “Practice looking from the outside in” by looking for patterns and intense emotion reactions and triggers.  Like problems in statistical quality control and root cause analysis, human interactions and dialogues don’t always immediately uncover root cause issues – sometimes those problems are buried for good emotional reasons, and sometimes, argues the author, they have to be uncovered to examine and choose an appropriate response. 

Ebenstein’s work examples are not easy because he chooses hot buttons that readers will immediately recognize – work load, performance feedback, leadership change – and offers examples and step-by-step approaches to resolution.  Practice makes perfect – attempting to get out of a stuck position requires clarity and a bit of courage because in so many situations we might choose to stay put, to not attempt change – when this happens the author predicts that people at some point simply walk because the emotional energy required to keep everything – emotions, responses – in place is just too high.  

The Mill Girl’s Verdict?  A great, safe starting point for readers who want to change their own situations with minimum blowback.