When Strangers Meet

When Strangers Meet, How People You Don't Know Can Transform You, by Kio Stark, A TED Original with Simon & Schuster, 2016

Maybe it takes a "big event" to let us push our fences further and further out, to see strangers as something more and better than we thought.  .  But author Kio Stark has an answer to "don't talk to strangers" - she started years ago experimenting with the idea of speaking to strangers and recording the encounter.  Along the way she uncovers just what the hidden processes are by which we decide whom to greet and trust in passing.  She says we have unwritten rules.

Chapter 2 is titled "Fleeting Intimacy" - think of it.  Head down, shoulders slumped,  texting, booking it across town, isolated although we are electronically connected, Stark argues for the glimmer of fleeting intimacy.  

          Intimacy .  When people don't have the markings of intimacy in their lives - a sense of connection, of belonging to some form of community, of closeness to others - they suffer.

And what happens when we eventually lose the usual close family or friend connections?  One of my best friends, a 90 year old powerhouse, told me last year that the hardest thing in her life - not the knee surgeries, not the hip replacement - was losing her friends. And now she's gone.  But she was fearless about people because she could immediately identify our few key motivators. 

So when Stark talks about speaking to strangers, she is taking a welcome risk.  If you're willing to go with the principle, try the final chapter, "Expeditions."  Stark offers "road trip" recommendations that you can try out with a friend - starting with people watching with a notebook for one hour in a public place.  Next, move to "Say Hello to Everyone," if you dare, She recommends that we keep a keen awareness of the dynamics of each of these micro-interactions.  Will they smile?  Will they turn away?  Will they get nudgy, or will they attempt to bridge the human gap and greet you?  I happen to think this is very doable in New York City of all places, where people are busy, but they can be quite social and they love the opportunity to be polite.  

People often like to talk if given the opportunity.  And as I saw with my buddy Billy Ray Taylor, the Goodyear executive keynote who recently appeared at the Industry Week Mfg and Tech conference, people want to like each other.  They want to do well, and dare I say it,  they want to be loved above all else!  What a thought!

Loved this short and well-illustrated TED book.  Refreshing, like nothing else out there, AND ITS DEDICATED TO STARK'S MOTHER!!!!  Happy Mother's Day!

Patricia E. Moody

FORTUNE magazine  "Pioneering Woman in Mfg" 

IndustryWeek IdeaXchange Xpert

A Mill Girl at Blue Heron Journal, on-line resource for business thought-leaders and decision-makers, https://sites.google.com/site/blueheronjournal/, tricia@patriciaemoody.com, patriciaemoody@gmail.com, pemoody@aol.com 

978 526-7348 cell 978 578-5200