Emotional Vampires at Work

Emotional Vampires at Work, Dealing with Bosses and Coworkers Who Drain You Dry, Revised and Expanded, by Dr. Albert J. Bernstein, McGraw-Hill, 2013

You know they’re here, reading your e-mails, planning their next ambush, looking for blood.  And even if you carry a good luck acorn and walk wide steps around their bloodied path, you can’t hide forever.  They’re good at this those vampires, and they know your fear.  What’s a mortal to do?

Well, author Bernstein, an experienced professional vampire hunter, has met these types head-on and he says if you hide under your cubicle, they’re gonna find you.  And it could all be over too quickly.

What’s the best defense against these undead creatures?  Bear spray?  Garlic cloves in an amulet around your neck?  Sharpened forks?  None of these, advises Bernstein, who says that to survive a vampire attack at work, you must first learn to recognize the signs for emotional vampires may take on the appearance of normal well-meaning workers.  They will not speak with a slight Transylvania accent, and they don’t always wear black in the daytime.

But they do, says Bernstein tend to fall into these five distinct monster categories – learn to recognize them, be alert, and BE PREPARED!  It’s your only defense, because, warns vampire expert Bernstein, when they are promoted to positions of power, they remake organizations in their own image.  Gheesh!  And they don’t stop there, oh no, they want your soul, at least 12 – 14 hours of daylight and into the darkness: -

            FIVE CLASSIC VAMPIRE SPECIES:

1.       Antisocials, who crave excitement in all its forms, sex, drugs, rock n roll, larceny, and gambling with other people’s money

2.      Histrionics, who believe that what it looks like is more important than what it is

3.      Narcissists, who believe that the universe revolves around them

4.      Obsessive-Compulsives, who can’t seem to see the forest because of the excessive number of trees

5.      Paranoids, who think they’ve found the simple truths which explain everything.

“Vampires are dangerous predators who are evaporated by sunlight, but aside from that, they are much more exciting and attractive than other people.”  Dr. Albert Bernstein

“When people are driving themselves crazy, they have neuroses or psychoses.  When they drive other people crazy, they have personality disorders.”  Dr. Albert Bernstein

“The secret to dealing effectively with emotional vampires is to think more slowly than they do.”  It’s all in your brain, the evolution of your neurology, spanning survival reactions – fast thinking, fight or flight survival reasons  – to grown-up, more thoughtful and prepared thinking, slow thinking of the type you’ll need to observe and react (or not) to emotional vampires. 

Bernstein offers a series of Fast vs. Slow Thinking illustrations that help clarify his recommendations.  For instance, he points out that slow thinking moves toward connection (healthy for survival), rather than separateness because vampires work solo.

Further, one of his social systems rules that frighten vampires is:  What you get is what you put in:  Adults understand that the more you give, the more you get.  Vampires take. 

Bigger than business self-help, clarifies so many workplace – and family – behaviors.  Great read if you have a vampire boss or team-make, or if you are one!

***