Traits of Unhealthy Relationships
The Qualities of Healthy relationships page gave some of the KEY points and considerations when it comes to keeping relationships healthy and successful. In stark contrast to healthy or successful relationships are unhealthy relationships.
The Qualities of Healthy relationships page gave some of the KEY points and considerations when it comes to keeping relationships healthy and successful. In stark contrast to healthy or successful relationships are unhealthy relationships.
Unhealthy relationships are generally relationships you are in rather than ones that ended. A Relationship most certainly can be unhealthy when you are in it, but if the relationship ends, it is no longer a relationship at all and thus, can not be unhealthy.
Unhealthy relationships are generally relationships you are in rather than ones that ended. A Relationship most certainly can be unhealthy when you are in it, but if the relationship ends, it is no longer a relationship at all and thus, can not be unhealthy.
The exception to this rule is primary family. You may be in an unhealthy relationship with your parents and no matter what you do, they technically, will always be your parents. Barring a "divorce" from your parents or total isolation away from them once you turn to the age of majority (adult, 18 in PA), this is a relationship you can limit, but can't usually end. Same is true for 2 parents who both want to be involved with their child but break up. They have to have some sort of relationship and may continue to be unhealthy.
The exception to this rule is primary family. You may be in an unhealthy relationship with your parents and no matter what you do, they technically, will always be your parents. Barring a "divorce" from your parents or total isolation away from them once you turn to the age of majority (adult, 18 in PA), this is a relationship you can limit, but can't usually end. Same is true for 2 parents who both want to be involved with their child but break up. They have to have some sort of relationship and may continue to be unhealthy.
This page examines a FEW traits of Unhealthy relationships. Looking for the Dating Violence Topic page? CLICK HERE
This page examines a FEW traits of Unhealthy relationships. Looking for the Dating Violence Topic page? CLICK HERE
Infatuation -- Obsession -- or Love?
Infatuation -- Obsession -- or Love?
So often, people confuse Infatuation & Love (click expand arrow to read more)
So often, people confuse Infatuation & Love (click expand arrow to read more)
Is there a such a thing as Love at first sight? If "7 things house" theory given on the qualities of healthy relationships page is accurate, then love is something grown from the ground up and at times from the inside out (speaking figuratively in terms of emotions for inside and physical for the outside) then NO. What many people confuse with love is in fact, infatuation.
Is there a such a thing as Love at first sight? If "7 things house" theory given on the qualities of healthy relationships page is accurate, then love is something grown from the ground up and at times from the inside out (speaking figuratively in terms of emotions for inside and physical for the outside) then NO. What many people confuse with love is in fact, infatuation.
Infatuation is that quick, passionate, "I can't get you out of my mind" , "my heart skips a beat when your come near me, and I get butterflies in my stomach when I see your text" feeling you get when you first begin a relationship you really like being in. It's that feeling that comes from excitement and anticipation and, according to a 2012 article from Web MD, (no longer available) Infatuation often "sparks the same euphoric feeling as cocaine -- in the same part of the brain”.
Infatuation is that quick, passionate, "I can't get you out of my mind" , "my heart skips a beat when your come near me, and I get butterflies in my stomach when I see your text" feeling you get when you first begin a relationship you really like being in. It's that feeling that comes from excitement and anticipation and, according to a 2012 article from Web MD, (no longer available) Infatuation often "sparks the same euphoric feeling as cocaine -- in the same part of the brain”.
This drug like reaction in our brain is not bad in and of itself. In Fact, if we recognize that our new relationship and the feelings that come with it is just that, new and exciting, then instead of our relationship moving to Infatuation, it is simply just "NEW LOVE". And this is a beautiful thing. It may wear off and fades leading to an end of the relationship OR it may develop into real love.
This drug like reaction in our brain is not bad in and of itself. In Fact, if we recognize that our new relationship and the feelings that come with it is just that, new and exciting, then instead of our relationship moving to Infatuation, it is simply just "NEW LOVE". And this is a beautiful thing. It may wear off and fades leading to an end of the relationship OR it may develop into real love.
Another way to look at Infatuation: is it what you want or what we want (review the selfishness section above). That is, is this "love" you're feeling real or not. Many times, people build a relationship on infatuation thinking it's love and really, it's only a small type of love. Another "T-chart" is posted below comparing what one author calls "Covenant" (or promise) love with Convenient (or good for them) love
Another way to look at Infatuation: is it what you want or what we want (review the selfishness section above). That is, is this "love" you're feeling real or not. Many times, people build a relationship on infatuation thinking it's love and really, it's only a small type of love. Another "T-chart" is posted below comparing what one author calls "Covenant" (or promise) love with Convenient (or good for them) love
Most often, infatuation stems from impulsive decisions and largely if not completely based on sex and other physical intmacy. When this is the case, it is usually an unhealthy relationship. The images below list traits contrasting infatuation and love.
Most often, infatuation stems from impulsive decisions and largely if not completely based on sex and other physical intmacy. When this is the case, it is usually an unhealthy relationship. The images below list traits contrasting infatuation and love.
However, if we do not recognize new love as such and build it only on infatuation or convenient love, the infatuation gets stronger and turns to obsession. Obsession can be simply explained by this question:
However, if we do not recognize new love as such and build it only on infatuation or convenient love, the infatuation gets stronger and turns to obsession. Obsession can be simply explained by this question:
Is it that you CAN'T live without them or is that you don't want to live without them. IF the answer is can't, because realistically it may be hard but you could, you might be suffering from obsession.
Is it that you CAN'T live without them or is that you don't want to live without them. IF the answer is can't, because realistically it may be hard but you could, you might be suffering from obsession.
Obsession can lead to all sorts of relationship problems and trouble including an inability to trust, Jealousy, control issues, and all sorts of manipulation, Emotional and at times, physical dating violence. All because one partner or possibly both/more partners, are worried that what they have together will end. Their relationship is not built from the ground up, inside out, on solid ground with solid walls and slow-growing real love. Their relationship is built on shaky ground, sandy ground, weak walls and no real substance with most of their effort being focused on staying together vs growing together. Another way to look at it is Holding on only to what their idea of being in a relationship is, or what their relationship was and not what it is and can be.
Obsession can lead to all sorts of relationship problems and trouble including an inability to trust, Jealousy, control issues, and all sorts of manipulation, Emotional and at times, physical dating violence. All because one partner or possibly both/more partners, are worried that what they have together will end. Their relationship is not built from the ground up, inside out, on solid ground with solid walls and slow-growing real love. Their relationship is built on shaky ground, sandy ground, weak walls and no real substance with most of their effort being focused on staying together vs growing together. Another way to look at it is Holding on only to what their idea of being in a relationship is, or what their relationship was and not what it is and can be.
Articles and graphics about Love vs Infatuation
Articles and graphics about Love vs Infatuation
(and Obsession)
(and Obsession)
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to view any graphic below bigger
Are there "words" that destroy?
Are there "words" that destroy?
On the qualities of healthy relationships page, Todd Corabi, shared with you his theory of the 7 specific words that he feels, are needed for ANY relationship to succeed. His theory places the words in a shape of a house at specific places. But what kinds of "words" can destroy the house and make a relationship unhealthy
On the qualities of healthy relationships page, Todd Corabi, shared with you his theory of the 7 specific words that he feels, are needed for ANY relationship to succeed. His theory places the words in a shape of a house at specific places. But what kinds of "words" can destroy the house and make a relationship unhealthy
On the Healthy Relationships page, you had the chance to do an activity called "building the perfect" partner. Obviously, there is no such thing as the unattainable "PERFECT" partner but there may be someone perfect for you
On the Healthy Relationships page, you had the chance to do an activity called "building the perfect" partner. Obviously, there is no such thing as the unattainable "PERFECT" partner but there may be someone perfect for you
So....why do we settle for less?
So....why do we settle for less?
We're not talking about relationships you have to be in or relationships you need to be in, we're talking about relationships you want to be in...that is, relationships you choose. If you are in a relationship you have a choice about, do what you can to make it successful and do your part in keeping it healthy. If your partner or associate will not do the same, it may be a sign that you should end it and seek a different relationship.
We're not talking about relationships you have to be in or relationships you need to be in, we're talking about relationships you want to be in...that is, relationships you choose. If you are in a relationship you have a choice about, do what you can to make it successful and do your part in keeping it healthy. If your partner or associate will not do the same, it may be a sign that you should end it and seek a different relationship.
Sometimes, we stay in relationships that are unhealthy and they have unhealthy qualities. Sometimes, unhealthy qualities can destroy the relationship
Sometimes, we stay in relationships that are unhealthy and they have unhealthy qualities. Sometimes, unhealthy qualities can destroy the relationship
These words are JUST A FEW of the words that can DESTROY a relationship.
These words are JUST A FEW of the words that can DESTROY a relationship.
JEALOUSY SELFISHNESS GREED
JEALOUSY SELFISHNESS GREED
IGNORANCE DISHONESTY HATE
IGNORANCE DISHONESTY HATE
DISRESPECT INSENSTIVITY BITTERNESS
DISRESPECT INSENSTIVITY BITTERNESS
UN-FAITHFULNESS CONTROLLING
UN-FAITHFULNESS CONTROLLING
MANIPULATION POSSESSIVENESS
MANIPULATION POSSESSIVENESS
INCOMPATIBLE FORCEFULLNESS
INCOMPATIBLE FORCEFULLNESS
ENTITLEMENT
ENTITLEMENT
GUILT TRIPPING ISOLATION ("all-time")
GUILT TRIPPING ISOLATION ("all-time")
Any of these words, traits or "things" can serve as a SLEDGEHAMMER OR massive FIRE to the 'house" of any relationship. At the very least, they can break windows and cause "issues"
Any of these words, traits or "things" can serve as a SLEDGEHAMMER OR massive FIRE to the 'house" of any relationship. At the very least, they can break windows and cause "issues"
The behaviors and actions are driven by one's internal motivation and if that motivation is fueled by these words, they can destroy the relationship OR limit it from developing.
The behaviors and actions are driven by one's internal motivation and if that motivation is fueled by these words, they can destroy the relationship OR limit it from developing.
FEATURED VIDEOS
FEATURED VIDEOS
Infatuation, Obsession, Love?
Infatuation, Obsession, Love?
Traits of Un-Healthy Relationships overview
Traits of Un-Healthy Relationships overview
7 signs of an incompatible relationship (Pysch2Go)
7 signs of an incompatible relationship (Pysch2Go)
The Difference between Healthy and Unhealthy LOVE (Katie Hood on TED ED)
The Difference between Healthy and Unhealthy LOVE (Katie Hood on TED ED)
12 signs you're in an unhealthy relationship (Psych2go)
12 signs you're in an unhealthy relationship (Psych2go)
12 Behaviors that Destroy Relationships (Brainydose)
12 Behaviors that Destroy Relationships (Brainydose)
Special Note: Selfishness (click arrow to expand)
Special Note: Selfishness (click arrow to expand)
Many people, if asked to select the most dangerous word above that could hurt relationships, would pick jealousy. That is obviously a MAJOR stumbling block to developing trust and loyalty. But I contest that of the suggested relationship destroying words listed in this section and related quotes, none is probably more devastating to a relationship then Selfishness.
Many people, if asked to select the most dangerous word above that could hurt relationships, would pick jealousy. That is obviously a MAJOR stumbling block to developing trust and loyalty. But I contest that of the suggested relationship destroying words listed in this section and related quotes, none is probably more devastating to a relationship then Selfishness.
With that, EVERY decision is based on what "I want" rather than what is good for "us". This could be in a dating, intimate or significant relationship such as when dating, married, or best friends or it can be in other relationships too such as when on an athletic team or in a show. What "I want" should not overtake what's best for the team or performance. A simple way to look at this is "we before me".
With that, EVERY decision is based on what "I want" rather than what is good for "us". This could be in a dating, intimate or significant relationship such as when dating, married, or best friends or it can be in other relationships too such as when on an athletic team or in a show. What "I want" should not overtake what's best for the team or performance. A simple way to look at this is "we before me".
Now, that's not to say that you should ALWAYS put others first. You need to make sure you take care of yourself, take care of your responsibilities, health, and self needs too BUT, it can't be all about you and nothing about your partners, peers, friends or family all of the time.
Now, that's not to say that you should ALWAYS put others first. You need to make sure you take care of yourself, take care of your responsibilities, health, and self needs too BUT, it can't be all about you and nothing about your partners, peers, friends or family all of the time.
Sex: Confusion of the physical with the emotional
Sex: Confusion of the physical with the emotional
One of the key components of Infatuation and Obsession is that the relationship is quick to passion, quick to sexual activity and built from physical encounters. Taking into consideration the principle laid out in the qualities of healthy relationships page, that a relationship is like a house, a relationship quick to passion and built on physical affection is similar to trying to do a paint job on a house that is still being built.
One of the key components of Infatuation and Obsession is that the relationship is quick to passion, quick to sexual activity and built from physical encounters. Taking into consideration the principle laid out in the qualities of healthy relationships page, that a relationship is like a house, a relationship quick to passion and built on physical affection is similar to trying to do a paint job on a house that is still being built.
Now...on the sexual decision making and consent pages, I placed a statement that reads "what role do you want sex to play in your life?" As is such, if you are a person that wants Sex to be purely for enjoyment of the physical, then you're not going to care if a relationship is quick to passion. In addition, there are some people who use sex as a starting point in a relationship and others that use it as a culminating event led up to. Still, others make decisions about Abstinence prior to being in relationships so none of this sextion (see the play on words) is relevant to them.
Now...on the sexual decision making and consent pages, I placed a statement that reads "what role do you want sex to play in your life?" As is such, if you are a person that wants Sex to be purely for enjoyment of the physical, then you're not going to care if a relationship is quick to passion. In addition, there are some people who use sex as a starting point in a relationship and others that use it as a culminating event led up to. Still, others make decisions about Abstinence prior to being in relationships so none of this sextion (see the play on words) is relevant to them.
But..a large portion of people may tend to be physical and because of the sex, get into relationships with people. They are motivated by the physical pleasure and passion involved in infatuation they do not allow for the slower, deep emotional connection that comes where a "house" is fully or at least mostly, developed.
But..a large portion of people may tend to be physical and because of the sex, get into relationships with people. They are motivated by the physical pleasure and passion involved in infatuation they do not allow for the slower, deep emotional connection that comes where a "house" is fully or at least mostly, developed.
Often, a relationship based on sex is shallow. It certainly can be fun but like a person addicted to drugs, as the relationship progresses, you may always be chasing your first high. For others, the quick physical feelings is meeting a "need for love" stemming from other issues involving relationships, sense of self or other unmentioned social or emotional health issue.
Often, a relationship based on sex is shallow. It certainly can be fun but like a person addicted to drugs, as the relationship progresses, you may always be chasing your first high. For others, the quick physical feelings is meeting a "need for love" stemming from other issues involving relationships, sense of self or other unmentioned social or emotional health issue.
Bottom line is…SEX is not love. Sex is Sex..PERIOD.
Bottom line is…SEX is not love. Sex is Sex..PERIOD.
Advice….not only should you build relationships from the inside out not the outside in, but you should take them slow…..if your partner really loves you, they will accept you for you on the inside not the superficial, physical on the outside (although that certainly could've attracted them to you). They will also trust you and give you space to hang with friends and not be obsessive.
Advice….not only should you build relationships from the inside out not the outside in, but you should take them slow…..if your partner really loves you, they will accept you for you on the inside not the superficial, physical on the outside (although that certainly could've attracted them to you). They will also trust you and give you space to hang with friends and not be obsessive.
a few additional articles
a few additional articles