A TO Z OF SUPERSOAPS

This is an A-to-Z guide to the supersoaps´ most used and abused clichés, from "Dallas" to "Melrose Place" to "Revenge" or "Empire". We hope you find it useful (in case you want to write your own soap) or simply fun if you are going to read it in this summer of ´15.

Advice: Best read under a big beach umbrella, a Piña Colada and a good-looking sunbather at sight.

Warning: You are entering a phenomenal Spoiler Zone, so do it at your own risk!

A - ACCIDENT: An unfortunate happening that occurs just when the viewer begins to suspect it will occur. Also, the most abused plot device in the soaps´ history. They might happen at the end of the season, or in the middle of it, or whenever the writer thinks the thing is getting boring or the actor needs to be axed.

• The groundbreaking: JR and Bobby´s plane accident in the "Dallas" episode "Survival". Also, Steven´s lover Ted Dinard's death in the "Dynasty" entry "The Separation".

• The unexpected: "Knots Landing"´s Sid´s car accident in "Squeezeplay", Patricia Williams´ being seriously hit by a drunk driver in "Only Just Begun", and Val´s fall off a horse in "Do not Attempt to Remove".

• The most spectacular: Pam´s fireball exit in "Dallas"´ "Fall of the House of Ewing" and Melissa´s car fall into the Bay in "Falcon Crest"´s "Desperation". Also, "Revenge"´s "McGuffin" as the infamous flight 197 terrorist attack, Lydia Davis´ and pregnant fauxAmanda´s falls over the balcony in "Revenge", and Jack Parezi´s similar accident in "Melrose"´s "Dial M for Melrose".

• The most frustrating: Alexis and Dex´s fall off the hotel balcony in the "Dynasty" Series Finale, "Catch 22". Also, the hit-and-run death of "Melrose Place"´s Sydney (later "ret-conned" by CW´s sequel) in "Who´s Afraid of Amanda Woodward?".

B - BASTARD: A character born of unmarried parents who most times also is a “bastard” in the other sense. Another way of expanding a soap´s life by bringing in new characters played by much cheaper actors.

• The groundbreaking: John Ross likely being Cliff´s son in "Dallas"´ "John Ewing III" (he would end up being JR´s).

• The unexpected: Black singer Dominique Deveraux introducing herself to Blake as his stepsister in "Dynasty"´s "The Rescue". Also, James Beaumont revealing in "Dallas"´ "Pride & Prejudice" that his father is JR, and Patrick showing up at Victoria´s door in "Revenge"´s "Truth" (II).

• The most spectacular: Francesca Gioberti showing up at Tuscany Valley to reveal she´s Angela´s stepsister in "Falcon Crest"´s "The Intruder". And also, "Falcon"´s "bastard" priest (!), Father Christopher, introduced in "The Phoenix", son of Julia and her teenage lover Damon Rossini. And the only one who had his own bastard spin-off, Jeff Colby, most of them presented in "Titans" (the episode, not the fiasco).

• The most frustrating: Richard Channing knowing through Jacqueline Perrault that she is his mother and Angela´s husband was his father, in "Falcon Crest"´s "United We Stand", and then, 5 years later, making him Angela´s presumably stillborn son, in "Desperation". Also, Pam finding out she´s not "Digger´s Daughter" in "Jock´s Trial".

C - CLIFFHANGER: A dramatic, uncertain situation of imminent disaster occurring at the end of each season (or even each episode) of a serialized show.

• The groundbreaking: JR wondering if Sue Ellen and her baby would survive in the first "Dallas" cliffhanger.

• The unexpected: Probably, that first cliffhanger (see above) was really really unexpected. "Knots"´ Abby burying the corpse of her ex-lover Peter, who might have been killed by either her or daughter Olivia, under the ground of a children's playground in works, in Season 8 ´s "Cement the Relationship". Groundbreaking too (literally). Also, the Series Finales of both "Dallas", "Dynasty", and the very strange one from "Flamingo Road", which all ended with unsolved plots.

• The most spectacular: The mother of all cliffhangers was "Dallas"´ JR´s attempted murder in "A House Divided". Also spectacular were the ones that included fire, like "Dallas"´ "Ewing Inferno", "Dynasty"´s "The Threat" and "The Choice", and "Falcon"´s penultimate "The Avenger", natural disasters, like "Falcon"´s earthquake, or bombings threats, like "Dallas"´ Angelica´s explosive "gifts" for JR and Jack in "Blas, or the Grayson offices bombed in "Truth" (I).

• The most frustrating: "Revenge"´s four-from-last "Burn" with Victoria´s fake suicide. Also, Bobby´s shower scene in "Dallas"´ "Blast from the Past" and Sue Ellen´s exit in "Reel Life".

D - DIVORCE: A formal declaration dissolving a marriage and releasing both spouses by law from all marriage obligations (which should include sex duties, though some decide to oversee that) thus creating new potential couples and storylines for the soap.

• The groundbreaking: The (offscreen) divorce of Blake and Alexis in "Dynasty".

• The unexpected: Gary and Val´s separation in "Knots"´ "Living Dangerously" (and subsequent divorce), as well as "Dallas"´ Bobby and Pam's divorce in "My Brother´s Keeper", and "Falcon"´s Chase and Maggie´s in Season 6.

• The most spectacular: JR and Sue Ellen´s two divorces in "Dallas"´ "Waterloo at Southfork" and "War and Love and the Whole Damned Thing".

• The most frustrating: "Dallas"´ Bobby and Pam's offscreen second divorce, almost as much as Ray and Donna´s in "Ruthless People".

E - EX-SPOUSE: A man or woman who used to be married to one of the characters but had been forgotten in the recent years (or decades). He or she usually doesn´t have a profession or any good qualities, and sometimes is doomed to be mysteriously killed.

• The groundbreaking: "Dallas"´ Pam Ewing´s first husband Ed Haynes in "Double Wedding".

• The unexpected: Most of them, hence it´s such an overused plot device. Eg: "Dallas"´ Jock´s demented first wife Amanda, "Dynasty"´s Krystle´s first husband Mark Jennings, "Falcon"´s Terry Ranson´s drug-addict first hubbie Joel McCarthy, or "Melrose"´s Amanda´s first one, Jack Parezi.

• The most spectacular: Undoubtedly, "Dynasty"´s Blake´s first wife Alexis, played to the hilt by Joan Collins. And more recently, "Empire"´s Lucious Lyon´s ex (wife and convict) Cookie, deliciously incarnated by Taraji P. Henson since Day One.

• The most frustrating: "Dallas"´ Jack Ewing´s ex-wife April Stevens. Too much too soon for such a character.

F - FUNERAL: The ceremonies for a dead person before burial or cremation, preferable with their respective corpses inside the coffin. No laugh here: too many funerals are held in soaps without that condition.

• The groundbreaking: "Dallas"´ Digger Barnes in "Jock´s Trial" (II).

• The unexpected: "Dynasty"´s Fallon in "The Rescue". A ring doesn´t make a dead Carrington. And "Falcon"´s Maggie in "Charley" (or when a ring does make a dead Channing!).

• The most spectacular: "Dallas"´ Rebecca Wentworth in "Requiem", as well as the 3-coffin funeral (for Linda, Phillip and Michael) in "Falcon Crest"´s "Requiem" (not too much originality in the mind of Lorimar´s writers).

• The most frustrating: Undoubtedly, "Dallas"´ Bobby´s funeral in "The Family Ewing" (don´t ask me why...) and "Knots"´s Gary´s AND Val´s in "Finishing Touches" and "Love and Death".

G - GUN: A weapon consisting of a metal tube from which projectiles are shot by the force of an explosive whose trajectory, in soaps, follows one of the main characters, very likely the highest paid.

• The groundbreaking: "Dallas"´ Miss Ellie pointing her shotgun at a journalist in "Survival".

• The unexpected: "Dallas"´ Bobby being shot (and blinded) by his guncrazy ex-stepsister-in-law Katherine Wentworth in "End Game", and also April being shot to death (by French policemen) in a crossfire with terrorists during her Paris honeymoon with Bobby in "Terminus". "Knots"´ Karen taking the bullet meant for Gary in "Negotiations". TNT "Dallas"´ JR´s suicide in "Legacies" (assisted by private eye Bum) that put Cliff in jail for good. "Empire"´s Lucious killing friend-gone-blackmailer Bunkie in the Pilot.

• The most spectacular: "Falcon Crest"´s random shooting by Julia Cumson in "Climax" (killed Jacqueline, paralysed Chase), TNT "Dallas"´ Drew Ramos saving the family by shooting Venezuelan mafioso Vicente Cano in "Blame Game", and "Revenge"´s Daniel Grayson shooting his wife Emily a few hours after he married her in "Exodus".

• The most frustrating: "Dynasty"´s Moldavian massacre in "Royal Wedding", where everybody survives except Jeff´s lover Lady Ashley and Steven's Luke Fuller. Also, the very last scene with Blake shot by a corrupt police in the Series Finale. "Dallas"´ young Christopher shooting cousin John Ross while playing cowboys in "A Death in the Family".

H - HYSTERICAL: Relating to hysteria, uncontrollably emotional or agitated (therefore very funny and hilarious in a soap). It may be applied to dialogues, characterization, plots or the whole pack.

• The groundbreaking: "Dallas"´ Pam blaming Jock and JR for her brother Cliff´s defeat in "Election". Too much for Victoria.

• The unexpected: The first catfight ever on "Dynasty" between Alexis and Krystle in "The Baby", Kirby´s shaking hands in "The Ring", and Alexis shocked by presumably dead ex Sean while having a bubble bath in "Colorado Roulette".

• The most spectacular: "Dallas"´ Angelica Nero´s last scene in "Blast from the Past", with turban and all. Also, "Dynasty"´s Alexis being jailed for killing lover Mark in "The Nightmare". And "Falcon"´s suicidal Melissa setting fire to Angela's house in "Farewell, My Lovelies".

• The most frustrating: "Dallas"´ Sue Ellen shouting hysterically while her lover Nicholas and JR fight and eventually Nick falls off the balcony in "The Fat Lady Singeth". TNT "Dallas"´ Carmen Ramos whining or yelling at their employers most times.

I - IDENTITY: The stat of having unique identifying characteristics held by no other person, unless, a) this person had been hired to impersonate another; b) this person coincidentally looks, acts and thinks like another, but doesn´t intend to pose as this other person (supposedly). For identity conflict, ie amnesia, see "Sickness".

• The groundbreaking: "Knots"´ singer gone maid Cathy Geary bumping into Gary´s life after the mysterious death of singer gone corpse Ciji Dunne (both played by popular Lisa Hartman) in "Sacred Vows".

• The unexpected: "Falcon"´s Melissa being "resurrected" by top call-girl Samantha Ross (also Ana-Alicia) in cahoots with Richard Channing, in episode "Resurrection" (what else?), and "Dallas"´ Pam dead ringer Jeanne O´Brien (Margaret Michaels) being wooed by obsessed Bobby in "I Dream of Jeannie".

• The most spectacular: "Falcon"´s Peter Stavros´ stepdaughter Skyler Kimball being impersonated by Kit Marlowe (Kim Novak) in a long "Vertigo" rip-off. "Dallas"´ Wes Parmalee´s plan of usurping Jock´s identity discovered by Miss Ellie in "Once and Future King"). TNT "Dallas"´ Pamela Rebecca Barnes posing as Chris Ewing´s new wife Rebecca, and ill-fated Verónica Martínez posing as entrepreneur Marta del Sol.

• The most frustrating: "Dynasty"´s Krystle´s impersonator Rita Leslie (both Linda Evans) hired by Krystle´s scheming niece Sammy Jo, in a neverending plot that was meant to last even longer. "Knots"´ Greg´s nephew Kate Whittaker looking just like his dead daughter Mary Frances (both Stacy Galina). Also, And well, "Dallas"´ Donna Reed...ahem.

J - JEWEL: A cut and polished stone, gem. Ornament worn for beauty that is made of or with such a stone (which therefore is sensitive to be pawned, faked or stolen).

• The groundbreaking: "Dallas"´ Sue Ellen rejecting JR´s "maternity ring" in "Whatever Happened to Baby John?".

• The unexpected: "Dallas"´ Clayton Farlow almost proposing to Sue Ellen with a diamond ring in "Goodbye, Cliff Barnes". Also, "Knots"´ Karen putting off her own by hub Sid´s gravesite in "Letting Go" and Greg giving Paige a "moving together" ring and her answering: "Am I the flavor of the month?", in episode "The One to Blame".

• The most spectacular: "Dynasty"´s Krystle´s emerald engagement necklace being pawned to help her ex-lover Matthew in "The Bordello" (!). Also, "Dallas"´ Sue Ellen second wedding ring being stolen during a "lost" night in "Rock Bottom". "Dallas"´ Jock´s lion-shaped medallion found in a lake as proof of his death in "The Search".

• The most frustrating: "Dallas"´ Jenna Wade assuring that presumed dead Bobby "loved emeralds" (and the whole storyline linked to that in the Dream Season). "Dynasty"´s Alexis daydreaming about becoming the Queen of Moldavia in Season 6 while she tries the crown on. And, of course, "Falcon"´s Maggie´s new 4-carat ring that literally got her drown in the pool. Frustrating and somber.

K - KISS: To touch or press with the lips slightly pushed out (out of sight in a soap, so the actors don´t have to really kiss and ruin their makeup and lipstick) to show (phony and extreme) love, passion, lust or any other artificial emotion that comes to the obscene minds of the show´s writers.

• The groundbreaking: "Dallas"´ Bobby and Pam kissing passionately at the gas station in the Pilot. Also, Lucy and Ray´s kiss in the hayloft with her begging him to call her "Pamela".

• The unexpected: "Falcon"´s Richard and his sister-in-law Maggie suddenly kissing each other in the explosive end of "The Avenging Angel". "Dynasty"´s gay son Steven Carrington kissing his boss´s wife Claudia Blaisdel in "The Chauffeur Tells a Secret". "Dallas"´ first incarnation of Kristin kissing Bobby in "Sue Ellen´s Sister".

• The most spectacular: "Falcon"´s Chase and Connie Giannini´s kiss "interruptus" previous to the above "unexpected" one. Also Melissa and Father Christopher sharing more than a kiss in the lake scene from "Strange Bedfellows".

• The most frustrating: "Dynasty"´s controversial kiss between Krystle and Rock Hudson´s Daniel Reece in "The Ball", given the sad real-life circumstances that surrounded that kiss. TNT "Dallas"´ Sue Ellen´s (last and friendly) kiss to JR in "Venomous Creatures".

L - LOVER: A person who has one (or sometimes several) extramarital sexual relationship and / or a love affair with another person. In Soapland, the perfect excuse for a character to do foolish things even more than usually.

• The groundbreaking: The "Dallas"´ lover who made the world watch primetime soaps was Mary Crosby´s cunning Kristin, JR´s lover and sister-in-law. Differently, Lucy´s gay fiancé Kit Mainwahring III in "Royal Marriage".

• The unexpected: "Falcon"´s Julia out-of-the-blue (and very convenient) affair with Melissa´s father Carlo Agretti, revealed in "Cimmerean Dawn". "Dallas"´ JR´s sex blackmail to Katherine in "Some Do, Some Don´t", and his one-night stand with Sly in "90265". "Knots"´ Lilimae and Al Baker's motorhome runaway in "Flight of the Sunbirds".

• The most spectacular: "Falcon"´s Tony Cumson´s affair with Kit among the vines in "Hot Spots". "Dallas"´ very dangerous fling with Haleyville waitress Cally (later his second wife) in "Call of the Wild".

• The most frustrating: "Dynasty"´s triangle between Jeff, Kirby (who ended up married) and Adam (who ended up impregnating her with a baby who died). And "Dallas"´ Sue Ellen´s platonic liaison with impotent Dusty while staying at Southern Cross. TNT "Dallas"´ John Ross and half-cousin Emma Ryland, very especially in "Legacies".

M - MERGER: The combination of two or more companies, either by the creation of a new organization or by absorption by one of the others (who usually is greater and more powerful). Also, what lazy writers understand as "business storylines".

• The groundbreaking: "Dallas"´ frustrated merger of Ewing Oil with WestStar Oil in "The Gathering Storm" and "Dynasty"´s (also frustrated) merger of Denver-Carrington with ColbyCo in "The Vote".

• The unexpected: "Dallas"´ Miss Ellie suggesting Bobby to join forces with Cliff´s Barnes-Wentworth in "Out of the Frying Pan". Also, TNT "Dallas"´ John Ross and Pamela co-owning both Ewing Energies and Barnes Global through marriage in "Love and Family".

• The most spectacular: "Dallas"´ Sue Ellen alliance with Kimberly Cryder and Jeremy Wendell in order to dispossess JR of his WestStar voting shares in "Top Gun". "Knots"´ Abby´s Apolune co. partnership with corrupt Wolfbridge Group to develop Lotus Point resort using Gary´s inherited money in Season 5.

• The most frustrating: TNT "Dallas"´ nonsensical takeover of Ewing Global by a drug-financed Mexican cartel led by Elena´s lover Joaquín (Bobby and Sue Ellen ended up controlling the company in the Series Finale "Brave New World").

N - NIGHTMARE: A terrifying or deeply distressing dream that may take from one little scene to one whole 31-episode season.

• The groundbreaking: "Dallas"´ Sue Ellen´s bad dream about her shooting JR in "Nightmare".

• The unexpected: "Dallas"´ Pam dreaming 31 1/2 episodes from "Swan Song" to the penultimate scene of "Blast from the Past", including Bobby´s, Katherine´s, Jamie´s and Sue Ellen´s deaths, Mark´s resurrection and JR becoming a hero by saving his cousin Jack´s life. Also, "Knots"´ Greg's underwater "vision" about dead wife Laura in "Do You Love Me?", and also his chat (while drunk) with his other dead relatives Paul and Mary Frances in "My Bullet". Finally, "Dynasty"´s Kirby´s gothic nightmare about Adam in "The Arrest".

• The most spectacular: "Dallas"´ Sue Ellen dreaming she was being chased by JR´s car with no one at the wheel, in a scene of the Dream Season. How freudian and hitchcockian from Pam. Also, Wes Parmalee´s chilling dream about his accident in South America in "Who´s Who at the Oil Baron´s Ball" and "Knots"´ Paige dreaming she meets her older self, who married Greg, in "The Unknown".

• The most frustrating: "Dallas"´ "Conundrum", aka the Series Finale, which might have been caused by a drunken stupor of JR's. Especially frustrating due to the absence of Susan Howard, Barbara Bel Geddes and Victoria Principal. But even moreso was the dream Bobby had about her non-existing baby daughter with April, featured in the Season 13 preview as a fact.

O - OBSESSION: A persistent idea or impulse that continually forces its way into consciousness, often associated with anxiety and mental illness, as well as with fancy clothes, big shoulderpads and even bigger hats. Occasionally, it's also associated with members of aristocracy and royalness.

• The groundbreaking: "Dallas"´ JR´s eternal need to please his Daddy was a quintaessential obsession of the character until his death. Since then, he became obsessed with talking to his portrait on the wall.

• The unexpected: "Dallas"´ Clayton´s sister Jessica Montford revealed as an aristo-killer obsessed with her brother and "his" son Dusty Farlow (actually her own illegitimate son) in "Hush...Hush, Sweet Jessie". Also, "Dynasty"´s neurosurgeon Nick Toscanni´s plot to get revenge on Blake for his responsibility in Nick´s brother´s death, in "The Cliff", and Alexis´ umpteenth husband Sean Rowan´s (coincidentally, secret son of late suicidal major domo Joseph) in "Colorado Roulette". And "Melrose Place"´s Keith Gray, the first (and not last) non-resident psycho on the block.

• The most spectacular: "Dallas"´ Katherine´s demential love for her ex-brother-in-law Bobby, which led her to forge a letter to break his marriage to Pam, shoot and try to poison him in 1984, then kill him (instead of Pam) in the latter´s nightmare. She ended up in TV limbo. Also spectacular was focusing a whole show on a vengeful obsession, ie "Revenge".

• The most frustrating: The long number of "Knots"´ guest stars turned into psychos that populated "Knots Landing", from P.R. Chip / Tony to Val's long-lost stepbrother Joshua Rush to Karen´s kidnapper Phil Harbert to Gary´s ex-lover Jill Bennett to Val´s abusing hub Danny Waleska to Karen´s producer Jeff Cameron to Paige´s beau Pierce Lawton to...You get it, don´t you? Also, "Dallas"´ Jessica´s unlikely return as a serial killer in "Family Plot".

P - POLITICS: The use of schemes and secrecy to obtain power or control (it sounds familiar to you, doesn´t it?).

• The groundbreaking: "Dallas"´ idealistic lawyer Cliff Barnes using his abililties to stop those darned Ewings.

• The unexpected: "Dynasty"´s Blake Carrington and ex-wife Alexis Colby (both suspects of murder in the past) running for governor, one against each other (Alexis wasn´t even a U.S. citizen!). "Revenge"´s corrupt Conrad Grayson elected as N.Y. governor in "Truth" (II). "Dallas"´ JR being rumored as potential politician in a plot started by Cliff in "A Ewing Is a Ewing".

• The most spectacular: "Dallas"´ Sue Ellen running for governor in "Revelations" with the slogan "I Am Texas"...though she eventually lost the election. Just spectacular. "Knots"´ Greg´s career prior to Sumner Group.

• The most frustrating: "Dallas"´ Bobby throwing away his political career in "Blocked" so he can stay home full-time with his wife and new (illegally) adopted son Christopher. "Flamingo"´s Senator for Florida Field Carlyle being constantly manipulated by sleazy sheriff Titus Semple and very domineering wife Constance.

Q - QUEST: The act or an instance of looking for or searching. Sometimes, an endless filler in a soap.

• The groundbreaking: "Dallas"´ search for Jock in Venezuela by his sons JR, Bobby and Ray in "The Search".

• The unexpected: "Dallas"´ Bobby tracking down kidnapped wife April in Paris thanks to a teenager cyclist (played by Duffy´s real-life son Padraic) in "One Last Kiss". "Knots"´ Abby being abducted by baddie Mark St. Claire in "Negotiations" and Val´s offscreen kidnap by Nigel Treadwell in "Found and Lost".

• The most spectacular: "Knots"´ Karen and Mack´s search for Val´s presumably stillborn, ilegally adopted babies succeeded finally in "Here in My Arms". "Dallas"´ Pam searching for presumed dead Mark Graison around the world, with Hong Kong as last stop and return to Dallas (via Japan), with the ever nice company of ex-sister-in-law Sue Ellen. Also, the search for Charlie Wade´s real father by Katherine that ends in "When the Bough Breaks", and for Miss Ellie when kidnapped by Jessica Montford in "End Game". And "Falcon"´s Angela discovering in a French convent that her arch-nemesis Jacqueline Perrault (Lana Turner) was a Nazi collaborator (!) in "The Odyssey".

• The most frustrating: "Dynasty"´s Jeff Colby and (instant wife) Nicole Simpson´s as raiders of the lost statue in Bolivia. "Dallas"´ Pam and Matt Cantrell´s trip to Bobby´s Colombian emerald mine in the Dream Season and Bobby´s trip to Venezuela to find out who really is Wes Parmalee in "Bar-B-Cued".

R - RE-CASTING: (Generally inadequate) replacement of an actor for a TV series, in our case. One of the main reasons to end up hating that series. Also, a way to publicly humiliate an actor who opted out or was fired on bad terms.

• The groundbreaking: "Dallas"´ simultaneous re-casting of Digger (Keenan Wynn instead of David Wayne) and Kristin (Mary Crosby instead of Colleen Camp, in an attempt to re-focus the character) both in "The Silent Killer". Though factually, the first re-casting in the show was for Cliff´s cousin Jimmy Monahan´s role: The Miniseries´ James Canning was replaced in one latter episode by Philip Levien. Their character was almost totally forgotten in the future.

• The unexpected: "Dallas"´ Ted Shackelford instead of David Ackroyd as Gary Ewing in "Return Engagement", and Miss Ellie´s replacement by Donna Reed, who looked and acted like anybody but Barbara Bel Geddes, in "Homecoming". And "Falcon"´s Dana Sparks introduced as Vickie Gioberti (instead of Jamie Rose) in "Aftershocks".

• The most spectacular: "Falcon"´s Melissa Agretti briefly played by Dolores Cantu, then replaced by Ana-Alicia in "House of Cards".

• The most frustrating: "Dynasty"´s four Carrington inheritors (Jack Coleman replacing unhappy Al Corley in "Acapulco"), Fallon (Pamela Sue Martin metamorphing into buxom Emma Samms in "Kidnap"), Amanda (American Karen Cellini replacing European Catherine Oxenberg in "The Victory") and Adam (Robin Sachs in lieu of unavailable Gordon Thomson in the Reunion Miniseries only).

S - SICKNESS: Any impairment of normal psychological function affecting all or part of an organism, esp a specific pathological change caused by infection, stress, etc., producing characteristic symptoms; also, an excuse to turn the show´s stories into a different direction.

• The groundbreaking: "Dallas"´ Jock´s heart condition in "Bypass" and Miss Ellie´s breast cancer in "Mastectomy".

• The unexpected: "Knots"´ Laura Sumner´s unoperable brain tumor in "The Gift of Life", and her video will in "Noises Everywhere", and Abby´s daughter Olivia´s drug-addiction starting in "A very Special Gift". "Falcon"´s Maggie´s (operable) brain cancer in "Tests of Faith" and out-of-the-blue alcoholism in "Wheels within Wheels". More recently, TNT "Dallas"´ Bobby´s "gastric stromal" (ie "soap-opera-ish") cancer in Season 1 and Pam's fatal pancreatic cancer´s revelation in "Legacies". "Revenge"´s Kara Clarke´s mental illness in S. 2, David Clarke´s lymphoma in S. 4, and "Empire"´s Andre Lyon's bipolarity in "Unto the Breach".

• The most spectacular: "Dallas"´ Sue Ellen´s alcoholism. Also, Mark´s leukemia in "Fools Rush in"."Knots"´ Val´s post-partum depression and personality conflict in "Distant Locations", Gary´s alcoholism, Diana´s kidney transplant in "Abby´s Choice", Greg´s liver transplant in "The Lady or the Tiger" and Karen´s tranquilizer addiction in Season 5. "Falcon"´s Maggie's amnesia in "The Phoenix" and Julia's and Jordan Roberts´ schizofrenia in "Climax" and "Shattered Dreams", respectively. "Dynasty"´s Blake´s amnesia in "A Love Remembered". And also, "Melrose"´s Kimberly Shaw's multiple personality disorder and fatal aneurysm.

• The most frustrating: "Dallas"´ Digger´s neurofibromatosis in "The Silent Killer" and Pam´s and Cliff´s depressions in Season 4. "Falcon"´s Melissa´s on/off paranoia. "Dynasty"´ Fallon´s amnesia in "Kidnap", and Krystle´s brain tumor in "Body Trouble" ("Dinner is served!"). "The Colbys"´ Jason´s (misdiagnosed) terminal illness (and "Empire"´s Lucious´s ALS too) in "The Celebration". "Melrose"´s Alison´s alcoholism. And, finally, "Knots"´ Val´s brain virus (why?) in "Do not Attempt to Remove".

T - TRUST: An illegal combination of business companies in which many companies are controlled by a central board. One of the most oft-used plot devices in soap history.

• The groundbreaking: "Dynasty"´s Cecil Colby posing as a Logan Rhinewood to deal with Blake in Season 2.

• The unexpected: "Dallas"´ Carter McKay as WestStar´s straw man in the Range War in "Deception", and OPEC behind the business offer to Ewing Oil in "Mission to Moscow". "Knots"´Abby behind the Murakame business in "Birds Do It, Bees Do It" and behind Treadwell in "Just Like Old Times".

• The most spectacular: "Falcon Crest"´s Jacqueline Perrault revealing she´s the Boss of the Cartel in "Climax", Carlton Travis ordering the explosion of the Gioberti house to get revenge on Angela in "The Big Bang", and the Thirteen forcing Richard to fake his own death in "Last Dance". "Dallas"´ JR´s using his position at Harwood Oil to win the competition for Ewing Oil in Season 5, manoeuvering to ruin Cliff with the Gold Canyon deal in S. 6, and manipulating April, Cliff and Casey to get the share majority at WestStar in "Top Gun".

• The most frustrating: "Dallas"´ Angelica Nero´s corrupt deals using agonizing Dimitri Marinos´ shipping company in the Dream Season. TNT "Dallas" Nicolás Treviño being revealed as leader of the Mexican drug-financed cartel that wants to buy Ewing Global in "Denial, Anger, Acceptance". "Revenge"´s American Initiative being behind the whole entangled mess of storylines in Season 2, with Helen Crowley as its first but not last representative.

U - UNFAITHFUL: Not true to a wife, husband, lover, etc., especially in having sexual intercourse with someone else. Another of the nº 1 rules in the soap universe, at least for the villains.

• The groundbreaking: "Dallas"´ JR´s long-running relationship with secretary Julie Grey since Day One.

• The unexpected: "Falcon"´s Chase cheating wife with younger landowner Gabrielle Short during their separation. "Knots"´ Gary being seduced by AA fellow's wife Judy Trent in "Breach of Faith", and Val´s second hub Ben sleeping with Cathy in "A Change of Heart". Also, "Dynasty"´s Claudia and married Jeff´s calculated fling in "The Baby".

• The most spectacular: "Knots"´ Gary and bitch next door Abby´s affair (started in "Acts of Love") and subsequent marriage in "Sacred Vows", then Abby sleeps with Greg Sumner in "Money Talks" and Gary cheats again with Jill Bennett in "A Very Special Gift", and Abby, with future Senator Peter Hollister in "Thicker than Water" (sort of adulterous Olympics!). "Dynasty"´s Dex cheats wife Alexis with stepdaughter Amanda in "Souvenirs". Also, Melissa and Richard´s post-maternity hookup in Season 3 and Lance cheating her (after their second wedding) with aerobic monitor Dina Wells in "Dark Passion". And the double adultery of "The Colbys"´ Jason and Sable with her sister Francesca and millionaire Zach Powers resp. in Season 1.

• The most frustrating: "Dynasty"´s Claudia cheats his presumed gay but married hub Steven with gallery owner Dean Caldwell in "Krystina" and, a few weeks later, Steven himself sleeps (actually "embraces") with his employé Luke Fuller in "Foreign Relations". Jeff cheating pregnant wife Kirby with ex-wife Fallon in "The Hearing" (II).

V - VANITY: The state or quality of being vain, ie overly proud of or concerned about one´s own appearance, qualities, achievements, etc. Automatically applied to most female (and some male) soap stars, but here only to fictional characters.

• The groundbreaking: "Dallas"´ ex-Miss Texas Sue Ellen´s, and to a lesser extent, her niece Lucy too.

• The unexpected: "Dallas"´ post-Victoria Principal disfigured Pam, who abandons family because she wants to be remembered the way she used to look (!), and brother Cliff, portrait and all, and his girlfriend Afton, once his mother Rebecca died.

• The most spectacular: "Dynasty"´s Alexis Morell Carrington, even before she opened her mouth in "Enter Alexis" (in her glamorous title card), as well as Sammy Jo, Dominique and Sable. "Dallas"´ Angelica Nero, who carried a Travilla-designed wardrobe (killer pin included) while running away from police in cognito in "Nothing´s Ever Perfect". "Knots"´ Abby, who doesn´t even let Greg see her in their first morning of married life until she is on full make-up, in "Mrs. Peacock in the Library with the Lead Pipe". "Falcon"´s Lance, Melissa and Terry (the holy trinity!). The whole Grayson clan from "Revenge". And TNT "Dallas"´ John Ross Ewing III.

• The most frustrating: "Dallas"´ Charlie Wade. Think about it (or better don´t!).

W- WEDDING: The act of marrying or the celebration of a marriage. Also, the stuff soap watchers want their series to be made of.

• The groundbreaking: "Dallas"´ Lucy and Mitch´s first wedding in "End of the Road" (II).

• The unexpected: "Falcon"´s Maggie and Richard´s in "A Madness Most Discreet". "Dynasty"´s Blake and Krystle´s second and third weddings. "Dallas"´ Bobby and Pam´s second one in "Bells Are Ringing", Cliff and Jamie´s in "Deeds and Misdeeds", and JR and Cally´s both weddings in "War and Love..." and "Wedding Bell Blues", resp.

• The most spectacular: "Dallas"´ JR and Sue Ellen´s second wedding in "Post-Nuptial". "Dynasty"´s (very tacky) hospital ceremony between Alexis and dying Cecil Colby in (guess what title?) "The Wedding".

• "Falcon Crest"´s Angela´s weddings to Phillip Erickson and Peter Stavros in "For Better, for Worse" and "Flesh and Blood" resp., and Melissa´s ceremonies with Lance and Cole (the latter interrupted) in "The Good, the Bad and the Profane" and "Forsaking All Others", resp. "Dynasty"´s Adam and Dana´s one in "Shadow Play". TNT "Dallas"´ Chris and (Pamela) Rebecca´s doomed wedding in "Changing of the Guard".

• The most frustrating: "Dallas"´ Ellie and Clayton´s unseen ceremony in "End Game", and Bobby and April´s poorly staged wedding in "The Southfork Wedding Jinx". "Knots"´s Gary and Val´s third (and shortest) in "The Last One out". Also, TNT "Dallas"´ John Ross and Pamela´s "wink-and-you´ll-miss-it" second ceremony in "Lifting the Veil".

X - X-FILES: A collection of papers, records, etc., arranged in order and often in a folder. They usually make the person who possess them meet an early (and often really violent) death. Also a former (soon revamped) Fox series.

• The groundbreaking: "Dallas"´ Red Files, secret info about JR´s illegal operations at Ewing Oil that he gave to secretary Julie Grey when Bobby returned to the company in "Digger´s Daughter". When Julie tried to betray him by giving Cliff the files, she ended up falling off a roof and Cliff being falsely accused of her death in "The Red Files" (I).

• The unexpected: "Revenge"´s Nolan Ross keeping a copy of all evidences of David Clarke´s innocence after Victoria's manipulated plane crash in "Reckoning". "Dallas"´ Jamie Ewing ´s old document dividing old and future Ewing Oil between his late dad Jason, Jock and Digger in "Barbecue 5". "Dynasty"´s Blake´s "secret" medical report about Krystle's serious mental condition, resurfacing in "Colorado Roulette".

• The most spectacular: (By definition) "The Colbys"´s UFO abduction of Fallon in "Crossroads" and her return to the mother series in "The Siege" (I). Where was she in-between seasons, what did she sniff previously, when she got her hair dyed blonder, and especially, why oh why (to the producers)...? "Dallas"´ WestStar´s report on Ewing Oil´s South-East illegal operations to finance a counter-revolution in "Ewing-gate". "Falcon"´s Cassandra Wilder and brother Damon´s carefully calculated revenge plot against Angela and the other co-owners of the property. TNT "Dallas"´ investigation on original Pam's whereabouts leading Bobby to find out the truth about his ex-wife´s destiny in "Legacies".

• The most frustrating: "Melrose"´s Matt´s indiscreet diary sent to Amanda when he dies in a car accident, in episode "The World According to Matt". "Dallas"´ old contract of Digger and Jock´s first oil rig found by Cliff in "Wheeler Dealer" that made the latter one of the suspects in the "Who Shot JR" mystery. "Dynasty"´s refusal (or inability) to explain clearly what happened between Pamela Sue´s Fallon´s exit and Emma´s Fallon´s introduction. Come on.

Y - YES MAN: A servile, submissive, or acquiescent subordinate, assistant, or associate; sycophant (=a self-seeking person who flatters others in power). Usually supporting or very minor characters in a soap who may get to steal the scene away from its main stars...until he or she is killed in the most terrible way, of course.

• The groundbreaking: "Dallas"´ Southfork foreman Ray Krebbs (especially submissive to Lucy´s demands in the hayloft in "Digger´s Daughter").

• The unexpected: "Dallas"´ Jackie Dugan, from shopgirl in The Store to Ewing Oil secretary.

• The most spectacular: "Dynasty"´s chauffeur Michael Culhane who did extra duties with boss´s daughter Fallon in the stable and was fond of bathtubs too in the Pilot. Later on, he even managed to attract that poor replacement of Amanda. Also, passive-agressive Adam Carrington, Alexis´ bodyguard Mark, Blake´s bitchie secretary Tracy Kendall, and gone but not forgotten suicidal major domo Joseph Aynders. "Falcon Crest"´s Angela´s lawyers Phillip, Greg Reardon, Jay Spence, and hilarious assistant Mrs. Whitaker. "Dallas"´ JR´s secretaries Louella Lee and Sly Lovegren, and henchman Harry MacSween, Cliff´s PR Stephanie Rogers. And last but not least, "Revenge"´s Victoria's assistant Ashley Davenport.

• The most frustrating: JR´s straw man Casey Denault, starting in "The Son Also Rises". "Knots"´ Greg´s "multitask" employée Linda Fairgate at Sumner Group (especially the way she ended).

Z - ZOOPHILE: A person who is devoted to animals and their protection from practices such as vivisection. In Soapland, the way to make a character more human and relatable, or to use the little beast (the animal) as an expensive piece of collection that is stolen right away. Also, please do not imply a twisted meaning to this last entry.

• The groundbreaking: "Falcon"´s Angela and Lance with their falcon Apollo, seen in the Pilot and most Openings.

• The unexpected: "Falcon"´s metaphoric female falcon found dead in the teaser of its last season. "Dynasty"´s Kirby and her love for turtles, especially for "Jeffrey" (!).

• The most spectacular: "Dynasty"´s Krystle´s passion for studs and her very expensive horse Allegre. "Revenge"´s Emily's fond love for labrador retriever Sammy, her birthday present in 1993 and afterwards owned by her childhood love Jack Porter.

• The most frustrating: "Dallas"´ Charlie and her obnoxious obsession with Darius since Bobby bought it for her in "Where´s Poppa". "Knots"´ Fairgates´ and their never-seen dog mentioned in the Pilot. TNT "Dallas"´ Bobby and Chris helping their cattle give birth her calf but losing the mother and finding him an adopted "mum" in "The Last Hurrah". Not only it was just another dumb metaphore about parenting and adopted sons, but also a waste of time that should have been devoted to the barbecue events.

Given that I have partly used as references the word definitions of the Collins Concise English Dictionary, I find the most adequate thing to dedicate this Summer Special to DAME JOAN COLLINS (you deserve it, girl!).

© 2015 Toni Díaz for all texts.

© Photos and dialogue quotes of "Dallas", "Falcon Crest" and "Knots Landing" copyrighted by Warner, TNT and / or their authors.

© Photos of "Dynasty", "The Colbys" and "Melrose Place" copyrighted by CBS / Paramount and / or their authors.

© Photos of "Revenge" copyrighted by ABC / Disney / Buenavista and / or their authors.

© Photos of "Empire" copyrighted by Fox TV / Imagine TV and / or their authors.

Videos courtesy of the YouTube users (limited time).

Ya podéis leer aquí la versión en español de esta página.