There are proponents of universal love, and there are proponents of romantic love.
We are dealing here with two totally different, and unrelated, things.
On the one hand we see compassion and understanding. On the other hand we see passion and partiality. It is valid to extend compassion and understanding to everyone; it is valid to extend passion and partiality to some.
When Jesus commands us to love our neighbour, he is not saying that we should feel passionate about every next person. He says that we should go to the bother of understanding the next person and relating to them with compassion and good will. After I started doing that, I developed compassion for a lot of people for whom I did not have compassion before, such as the Muslims and the “rednecks.” It has done wonders for my disposition. And I’ve also found out that compassion works much better than mere judgmentalism.
Some people are more naturally compassionate than others. Even if it is not a part of your nature, it can be learned. Go to the bother of figuring out where the next person is coming from and then relate to them from that premise.
The error of universal love, by itself, is lack of personal loyalty. The error of romantic love, by itself, is failure to consider the rest of the world. When the two get confused, we get marital infidelity and promiscuity. But when you practice both correctly, you have both meaningful relationships and a positive impact upon the rest of the world.
There is a place for universal love, and there is a place for romantic love. The two places are totally different. Romantic love is meant for inside the home; universal love is meant for outside the home. Have the correct place for both, and have the full life.