There is an arrangement called Christian Domestic Discipline, in which men are told that the best way to control their wives is through calculated violence.
That’s the problem right there. They want to control their wives instead of loving them.
Some mix this with patriotism and Christianity. In both cases a wrong is done. Tyrannical family arrangements fail to prepare people for a democracy. To function in a democracy you need to know compromise and negotiation. You do not learn that in households where one person’s word is the law. Authoritarian family leads to authoritarian politics; and a true patriot in a democracy would prepare their young for democracy instead of raising them in – and preparing them for – authoritarianism.
So we have people claiming that a woman won’t respect you unless you control her. That is dead wrong. I never tried to control my ex-wife, whereas her men before her did everything they could to control her. She has respect for me and none for these men.
Being with someone you feel the need to control is a stupid way to live. You live without trust, intimacy or understanding. Basically, this leads to lives getting squandered; and it is in every way viable for people in such settings to look for a better way.
It so happens that there is a better way. That way is having genuinely loving relationships. Control is not wanted because there is love and trust. Instead of working against the woman, one works with her. She is not an animal, an alien or a fiend; she is one’s partner. And one realizes much greater benefit by taking that path than by taking the path of control.
As for the Christian Domestic Discipline: not only is what they recommend illegal, it is also morally wrong. Such situations are rarely entered freely and of accord. In most cases, this is the case of the family or the community bullying a young woman into a situation in which she would have to remain subservient for a lifetime. It is not discipline. It is oppression.
If you are with someone you feel the need to control, you are with the wrong person. The right person will be trustworthy and you won’t feel the need to control her. If you are in a situation of this kind, then by all means leave the woman and save the both of you. Find yourself a woman whom you can trust and actually live.