Someone once told me that more wrong has been done in the name of love than right. He didn’t know what he was talking about.
I have known a number of marriages in World War II generation that started with love and were going strong when the parties were in their 90s. These people weren’t flakes and they weren’t narcissists. They were military people, distinguished scientists and successful inventors with strong intellect and strong values. These people were highly rational and highly responsible. Much more so than most people who militate against love.
When something is under attack in society, its manifestations are going to be in a bad way. When love is being attacked, that puts lovers at a disadvantage. I am not looking for love for myself. I have had love. I seek to make love possible for more other people.
I do that by confronting anti-love cognitions in society. The claims that it is childish or irrational or narcissistic or anything of the sort are completely wrong. Once again, I’ve known highly rational and highly responsible people of World War II generation who started their marriages with love. That there are player types who pretend to love the partner while loving nobody but themselves is not the fault of love. What we see here is confusion between a value and the misuses of the value. Anything with appeal to people can be used for wrong. It does not make it wrong in itself.
My experiences of love have been painful, but they have also been beautiful. I am glad that I have had them. My relationships did not last all life long; but many beautiful things came out of them. If you don’t want pain, don’t fall in love. And also do not live.
So for example we have feminists claiming that love is a patriarchal racket. In fact love favors women. When a man is in love with a woman, he would do a lot for her. I sacrificed a very nice setup in America to go to Australia to be with a woman I loved. Once again, that there are player types who pretend to love when they only desire does not damn love. It damns players.
In many cases, we see confusion between the value and the abuses of the value. Some see abuses of beauty by stupid teenagers and unscrupulous plastic surgeons and damn beauty. Some see abuses of money by short-sighted people and damn money. Some see abuses of moral values such as altruism and patriotism and damn moral values. With love, once again, a distinction needs to be made between the value itself and the abuses of the value.
When my former wife left me, there were a number of people observing how the situation would go. They thought that I was going to become her enemy; but I didn’t. I still love her even though she is no longer with me.
There were people who thought that I lacked insight and intellect because I have been in love. This is completely wrong. John Nash, a great mathematician, said that greatest truth was found in the equations of love. Here is someone with massive insight and intellect. And his message is better.
Insight and intellect can be used against love; they can also be used for love. Insight and intellect are what you are using them for. The anti-love people think themselves insightful and intelligent; but they are not more insightful and intelligent than John Nash or the people I’ve talked about. As for myself, I will use whatever insight and intellect is at my command to make possible for other people the wonderful things that I have experienced myself.