Different time have different problems and for different reasons. In 1990s, the biggest social problem was a vicious form of feminism that taught women – especially college-educated women – to be malicious, paranoid and mean. The following decade, the biggest social problem was a brutal reaction against feminism – championed by people such as Eminem, Osama Bin Laden and Michael Murphy – that taught men to be brutal to women. Both were vastly in the wrong.
Right now, the situation is completely crazy. On one side of town, a man goes away to jail for “beating up his wife's fist with his face.” On the other side of town, a man breaks a woman's skull so badly that she needs 40 stitches and walks away with full custody of the child. On one side of town, a man goes to jail and loses his apartment, his job and his reputation for getting drunk and chatting up a 16-year-old. On the other side of town, a man rapes and tortures his daughters since they are 4 and gets to keep them as his children.
I want to bring some sanity to the issue. I want to see things being seen for their true character. There will be disagreements in any relationship. What speaks in favor of – or against – the partners is how they choose to handle it. My former wife was, at her own admission, at her worst behavior when she was with me; but I was never violent or abusive to her, and I still love her.
In one situation with which I am familiar, the woman's former partner did things to her that, in my mind, disqualified him from being with her – such as trying to strangle her. He did wrong things to his son as well, but I did not see them as being grave enough to disqualify him from being a parent. Whereas that woman's partner before her very much did do things that were grave enough to disqualify him from being a parent.
When there are two complementary injustices, the correct solution is for people at the receiving end of the two injustices to get together. Let the men from places where a man goes to jail for beating up his wife's fist with his face get together with women from places where a man breaks a woman's skull and walks away with the children. Bring together the men who are willing to be good to women with women who are willing to be good to men.
There needs to be a reason for men to be good to women, and there needs to be a reason for women to be good to men. Neither man-on-woman violence nor woman-on-man viciousness should be acceptable. Men need to have an incentive to treat their wives right, and women need to have an incentive to treat men rightfully. Nobody should be having to go to jail for an argument. Nobody should be able to get away with breaking his wife's skull.
I have a former classmate who, as a well-paid American manager, got together with a woman from Russia. He says that his relationship is wonderful and has only good things to say about his wife. He says that the situation on college campuses in America has only gotten worse since 1990s, and I see no reason whatsoever why any sane man would be with women educated in such a setting.
Good behavior – both by women toward men and by men toward women – should not only be encouraged but also incentivized. There need to be real-world reasons for both parties to treat one another right. We owe it to our children – both daughters and sons – to improve the social climate so that neither party has to live in brutality or put up with vicious behavior.
The laws – and their enforcement – need to be reworked. There needs to be a sanity brought to this matter. Nobody should be able to get away with breaking a woman's skull. Nobody should have to go to jail for an argument. We need to understand a matter of degrees.
Some conflict in relationships is inevitable. What is not inevitable is brutality; and in this it is a matter of self-control. Men need to learn to keep their fists to themselves, and women need to learn to keep a lid on what comes out of their mouths.
On the first count, I have shown that it is in fact possible. That was a case with a woman who was totally demonized by her ex; but even though she, at her own admission, was at her worst behavior while she was with me, I never got violent with her and I never tried to take away my daughter. Any man is capable of self-control; and if I, as someone who has been portrayed very badly by a number of people on the Internet, can do it, then so can any other man.
Both the vicious feminists and the men who are violent toward women are very gravely in the wrong. And both have perpetrated very grave social injustices. Neither men who are brutal toward women nor women who are vicious toward men are anywhere close to being right. Both are wrong absolutely. And it is wrong that these people should claim leadership of their gender and lead even its better members to be as bad the people as they are themselves.