There was a time when I had ill will toward many people. I do not any more. What I’ve done is go to bother of understanding where they were coming from. This gave me compassion for these people. That is even the case with people who were being ugly to me.
There is a claim that love is stronger than hatred – indeed that it Is the most powerful force in the universe. I cannot be expected to love everyone the way I love my ex-wife or my daughter; but I can be expected to extend to other people compassion and understanding. That is the case even with people who are guilty of doing wrong things.
Is love stronger than hatred? I do not see how one emotional state can be stronger than another, and I have enough information to know that there are things stronger than either love or hatred – things such as, for example, nuclear bombs. Both love and hatred can be done in ways that are powerful and ways that are not powerful. There are many situations in which love loses out, either to hatred or to any number of other things – things such as slander and misrepresentation. I had such a situation in my life. I never stopped loving the woman; however she ended up dying before having realized the deception that she was laboring under. Prior to her death, she got married to a man who was bad to her. And what I always wanted to tell her was that with me she would be treated much better and, even though I may not be perfect I am better than what she was going to be faced with.
Is love the most powerful force in the universe? No. There are many love situations that get destroyed through slander or misunderstanding. There are many situations in which love is used as an appetizer to lure people into bad situations, the end result of which is having a lifelong companion whom one does not love.. Not being omnipotent however does not make love not precious. It is absolutely precious. And it then becomes the task of whatever power one may possess to safeguard the love.
Where people who believe such things are right about is that you become more effective in dealing with a person when you go to the bother of extending to them understanding and compassion. The more you understand the person, the better you can deal with them. In this sense love really is powerful. The engine behind that though is not love, or at least not romantic love. It is understanding and compassion.
When someone says such things as “love is the answer,” the correct response is, “What do you mean by love?” Once again, I cannot be expected to love everyone in the way in which I love people whom I love. There is however a lot to be said for understanding and being compassionate to other people. Romantic love is for inside the home. Compassion and understanding are for everywhere else.
W. H. Auden wrote, “The error born in every bone of every woman and every man… not universal love, but to be loved alone.” That’s not an error. If you are married to someone you should expect that they love you alone. It doesn’t mean that they should be ugly to everyone else.
Have romantic life for inside the home and universal love for outside the home. And abide by a much fuller understanding of love.