Many claim that America's greatness is owed to what they call “family values.” They simply have not studied history. The institution of family predates America by many centuries. While family has been an important part of it, America's greatness is also owed to superior political and economic practices: Namely democracy, scientific and technological progress, and business. It is these that distinguish America from feudal-aged England or Inquisition-aged Spain.
For the world to value the family it has to be done right. Doing wrong things in the family discredits the family. And then many people - and that included me in my younger years - turn against family as such. What we have here is something I've noted in a number of other places: Confusion between a value and the misuses of the value. If a value is being misused, then the value itself is discredited. So that when foolish teenagers and unscrupulous plastic surgeons do wrong things in the name of beauty, that discredits beauty. When people use money for wrong, that discredits money. And when people use family for wrong, that discredits family.
So for a long time I was against family; but now that I have a daughter I know that that stance was wrong. However there are many abuses that take place in many families, and making family sancrosanct protects the abuses. I do not need to rely on the sanctity of family to be a good father. I treat my daughter rightfully. I love her, and she loves me.
So if a parent is actually loving, then in most cases he does not need to pull guilt trips. He loves the child, and the child loves him. Whereas it appears that the people who rely excessively on coercion in name of family are people who are not willing to be loving parents. And their use of the concept of family to excuse their wrongdoing discredits the concept of family in the minds of many people.
Are family values responsible for America's greatness? America became the world's greatest country in early 20thcentury. It was a time of great economic and technological progress; it was also a time when “traditional” values were being questioned. Prior to that, in the Victorian era, England was the greatest country in the world.
The World War II generation saw a return to “traditional family values”; but that was not limited to America. In 1950s most of the world, including the Soviet Union, was family-oriented; and once again most of the world's countries at that time were far from great. My Soviet Communist grandmother was just as family-oriented as the American 1950s conservatives; but nobody among the agitators for family values recommends Communism.
Is family a good thing? In my case it has been a wonderful thing; but I also know that it can be a terrible thing as well. The number of people I know who got raped, badly injured, severely beaten, even killed, in families is greater than the number of people I know who got abused by the Soviet government. The family is as good as what goes on inside the family. A good parent does not need to bludgeon his children with concept of family values to force their loyalty; his actions toward them generate genuine love and respect.
There will always be families; there will always be parents. A person truly interested in family values will make family a better experience for the people inside the family. In my parenting I use intelligence. I treat my daughter not as an animal but as an intelligent form of life. When she does something wrong I tell her why it is wrong, and she does not do it any more.
If family values are again to become a force in the Western world, family has to be done right. Incest and brutality must be eradicated, and parents must be taught to treat their children like human beings rather than like beasts. Family must be done better. That being done, family can again become the value that it rightfully should be.