In many cases people’s perceptions are not only wrong, they are precisely wrong. They are the exact opposite of what actually is the case.
There were people describing my former wife as a bully. Not only is she not a bully, but she is someone who stands up to bullies. This has included many people much bigger than herself.
There were people describing me as a misogynist. I am the opposite of a misogynist. I am someone who loves the women I love enough to go to bat for them against anyone who would abuse them.
When I was on an Internet forum, I got involved with a woman who was with a man named Bob. She wanted to know why people saw me as a great manipulator and Bob as not one. Bob’s response: “Because I am better at it.”
I have known actual bullies, and I have known actual misogynists. Most of these people were not seen that way except by people closest to them. They put on a nice front. Everyone thought that they were good people. People closest to them knew to the contrary – but in many cases they were not believed.
So now we are hearing a lot about narcissists. It is expected that this will affect precisely the wrong people. Specifically, this is going to impact adversely against artistic women. They get accused of narcissism a lot. However the artistic women I’ve known were more, not less, compassionate than the next person. They were willing to understand me instead of passing uninformed judgment.
There have been a number of philosophers who said such things as that nobody is more hated than people who speak the truth. I do not understand the roots of this problem, and I don’t know how to solve it. What I do know is that this problem is real, and many lives are lost to it.
Is it, as Buddhists and Hindus say, that the world is one of maya, or, as some Christians say, that it is of the Satan? If that is the case then Satan must be one clever guy. There is a lot that is beautiful and good in both nature and civilization. But this problem, it appears, is intractable. It is even found in many people who think that they have good character.
So we have people demonizing me while supporting men who are actual misogynists and actual abusers. And we have people siding with actual bullies while ridiculously accusing my former wife of being one. I can only offer refutations to their arguments; other people will have to do their thinking for themselves.
When someone close to me was being accused by her husband of marital infidelity, she told me that her way of dealing with it was to do the right thing, and then the accusations would not be credible. It appears that she is right. I have been holding myself to a high standard of conduct in dealing with my family; and even many people who are more likely to be deluded have noticed that. I still do not know if accusations against her are true. However I do know that this person is a good one.
So maybe this is the way to deal with such problems. Hold yourself to a high standard of conduct, and accusations will not be credible.
The more this is done, the more there is room for the truth.