Someone on the Internet once wrote, “Quit being so forgiving, people know exactly what they are doing.”
The response is that sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t.
For a long time I found forgiveness to be a difficult concept to work with. Convincing cases can be made both for forgiveness and lack of forgiveness. I have found that the real reason for forgiveness is understanding. You understand why the person does what he does, then you can forgive him.
There was a man on the Internet named Rodney who was being horrible to me. The more I tried to understand him, the more I was able to forgive his behavior. I ended up understanding why Rodney was doing what he was doing; and that made it possible for me to forgive him.
Generally, if you understand where the next person is coming from, you are likely to have a more forgiving attitude. Most people are not evil, just wrong. If you understand where they are coming from you are more likely to forgive them. That not only improves one’s relationships. That also improves one’s disposition.
When understanding is not had, in many cases people will see one another as monsters. Sometimes they will see themselves as ones as well. Extending understanding in both directions allows misperceptions to be corrected. The real reason for the behavior is known. And that makes it possible to forgive it.
Of course, if the reasons for the behavior really are wrong, then understanding them will not lead to forgiveness. It would lead however to more intelligent ways of addressing them. In either case the effort made to understand the person is an effort made well. It either leads to forgiveness or more precise ways to counteract the behavior. And that makes it a worthwhile effort to make.