Tavius' Page

See below for Issue #3

TCAP Issue

2/27 Warm-Up #2

Haikus

Haikus are not hard

Neither is the TCAP test

Just try your best, dude

New Vista is cool

This test determines funding

Do well, get paid bro

Literature rocks

The TCAP makes you read some

Try to enjoy it

I'm out of ideas

You should make a few haikus

While you are waiting

TCAP haikus! Yes!

Oh wait, these are kind of lame...

I'll go back to sleep.

(alternatively: I'll go read more Leek)

Seniors get to sleep,

Apologetically

You guys got breakfast

Free breakfast is nice

“Consolation prize it is”

Suddenly Yoda

2/27 Warm-Up

Practice Problems

Choose the word that best fits in the blank.

1. How much wood would a ______ chuck if a ______ could chuck wood?

a) guy named Chuck

b) groundhog

c) Chuck Norris

d) tree

Things to post:

-Ambiguous Cafeteria Food Review from Chad Brough:

Leek Special: TCAP Breakfast Review

by Chad Brough

    Yo, Chad Brough here, semi-live from the New Vista Cafeteria. Normally I pump out bangin' reviews of whatever's on the lunch menu the day I roll in. Today I'm reviewing something real special: the school-sponsored breakfast for the radical TCAPs. The food is mad chill. We got some bagels over here, no toaster included. Yogurts chillin' in ice. Maybe the cold is supposed to wake us up in the early hours. I don't know man, I don't know. Personally, my woman (Editor's note: Chad's Mom) made some dope eggs before we bounced. So, I'm not actually eating anything here. My crew has stomach space like totes. Don't worry, I'm still gettin' testimony for this sketch breakfast.

    My bro Randy smeared some fat cream-cheese on his poppy seed bagel. He says that (stuff) is dank. Nobody wants a bagel that might have come from the depths of some cave system in Borneo or something like--*ding dong ding* Kirk Quitter: "Good morning New Vista! It is now time to report to your testing rooms."--Uncool Brohammad Ali! It's time to start testing, we out. See all you fools next time you take a leek!

Peers, know your dictionary-approved TCAP vocab:

Definition of DANK: : unpleasantly moist or wet <a dank basement>

— dank·ly adverb

— dank·ness noun

Periscope Ad Created!

Issue #3

3/7 Writing

Superbad SuperRad Food Review

by Chad Brough

Yo yo yo, what’s up my peers? Just lifting some weights to burn off the calories from all the food I've been eating. You know, to review and stuff. Boom: chatty intro, check. *holds up fist* Pound it! I run through these reviews like butter.

    So anyway, here’s the deal: six dollar combo down at a place on The Hill. My crew runs that part of town, BTW. (Editor’s note: Chad’s friend works at 7-Eleven) I don’t remember the name of the place, signs are overrated, much like reading in general. It’s pretty easy to find though, your Bro-senses will start to tingle when you’re close, bro. For sure.

    The atmosphere lacked some of the pizzazz featured at other Hill eateries, but compared to the New Vista community room this place was poppin'! This fine establishment served up some mad fresh food though. Seriously, they have a garden on the roof. That's more local than an Earth Task Force local lunch. This chick even came up to me, waddling across the floor, and I was all like, ‘Whoa, I didn't know they had free-range poultry here. Isn't that a little dangerous to let them walk around the establishment?’

    On to the food: Six green ones will score you a fatty soda, filthy panini and swag bag of chips. Perfect storm lunch combo. The cheese:bread ratio left a bit to be desired. Same with the chips:air ratio in the bag. This is par for the course as all bros know. Bags of chips have been gettin' skimpier and skimpier. Looks like we got another potato famine in the works, am I right? Unlimited fountain drink refills score some bonus points.

    Sure, you can get a panini that's not quite as filthy from Einstein's Bagels where they actually clean their panini press, and it's a little closer to campus, but you'll also be paying more for the convenience. Allow me to cite my bedside Bro Bible right quick: Bro Code rule #17: Never pay more than you have to. #56: Eat where the Bros eat. It's gotta be this place. Other ingredients (extra/other cheeses, veggies, marinara sauce, meats) are offered at 50¢ a piece. Opting for the daily special panini or a combo panini will score you bonus toppings at a buy two get three steal-deal. That's the steezy. Bilbo Swaggins out.

Peers, know your intellectually-approved vocab:

Definition of SWAG: An ornamental drapery or curtain draped in a curve between two points. <The decking was edged with timber posts and a rope swag.>

        — swagged, swag·ging, swags intransitive verb

      — swag, swags noun

2/20 Warm-Up

Earth Task Force Concerned About Extinction of Study Center Mice

From the West-Bowl to the East-Bowl, mice are disappearing across the school. The Earth Task Force has taken notice, and is set to take action. In a community gathering announcement next week the Force will unveil a new rewards program for leaving the mice at the computers. Because apparently people have to mess with everything unless they are rewarded for not doing so. This is why we can't have nice things, such as usable computers.

2/13 Warm-Up

Student Comes Prepared To TCAP Test With #1 Pencil, Peers Jealous

Jeremy White, a freshman at Boulder High School, came equipped with a #1 pencil for today's TCAP test. The instrument was first spotted in Jeremy's hand at the school-sponsored cold breakfast this morning. Upon taking notice, several other students began gossiping about his pencil. Reports from Junior Leek Analyst (name here) include rumors that the #1 pencil cost $73, the core is make from unicorn hair, it was rejected as a James Bond gadget and may not actually be different from a #2 pencil. Still, feelings of jealousy and inadequacy are common today.

Issue #2

2/6 Warm-Up

Robotics Rent-A-Robot

A heartwarming gesture from the robotics team came in the form of a Valentine's Day robot rental service.