Embedded Files
See below for Issue #3
TCAP Issue
2/27 Warm-Up #2
Haikus
Haikus are not hard
Neither is the TCAP test
Just try your best, dude
New Vista is cool
This test determines funding
Do well, get paid bro
Literature rocks
The TCAP makes you read some
Try to enjoy it
I'm out of ideas
You should make a few haikus
While you are waiting
TCAP haikus! Yes!
Oh wait, these are kind of lame...
I'll go back to sleep.
(alternatively: I'll go read more Leek)
Seniors get to sleep,
Apologetically
You guys got breakfast
Free breakfast is nice
“Consolation prize it is”
Suddenly Yoda
2/27 Warm-Up
Practice Problems
Choose the word that best fits in the blank.
1. How much wood would a ______ chuck if a ______ could chuck wood?
a) guy named Chuck
b) groundhog
c) Chuck Norris
d) tree
Things to post:
-Ambiguous Cafeteria Food Review from Chad Brough:
Leek Special: TCAP Breakfast Review
by Chad Brough
Yo, Chad Brough here, semi-live from the New Vista Cafeteria. Normally I pump out bangin' reviews of whatever's on the lunch menu the day I roll in. Today I'm reviewing something real special: the school-sponsored breakfast for the radical TCAPs. The food is mad chill. We got some bagels over here, no toaster included. Yogurts chillin' in ice. Maybe the cold is supposed to wake us up in the early hours. I don't know man, I don't know. Personally, my woman (Editor's note: Chad's Mom) made some dope eggs before we bounced. So, I'm not actually eating anything here. My crew has stomach space like totes. Don't worry, I'm still gettin' testimony for this sketch breakfast.
My bro Randy smeared some fat cream-cheese on his poppy seed bagel. He says that (stuff) is dank. Nobody wants a bagel that might have come from the depths of some cave system in Borneo or something like--*ding dong ding* Kirk Quitter: "Good morning New Vista! It is now time to report to your testing rooms."--Uncool Brohammad Ali! It's time to start testing, we out. See all you fools next time you take a leek!
Peers, know your dictionary-approved TCAP vocab:
Definition of DANK: : unpleasantly moist or wet <a dank basement>
— dank·ly adverb
— dank·ness noun
Periscope Ad Created!
Issue #3
3/7 Writing
Superbad SuperRad Food Review
by Chad Brough
Yo yo yo, what’s up my peers? Just lifting some weights to burn off the calories from all the food I've been eating. You know, to review and stuff. Boom: chatty intro, check. *holds up fist* Pound it! I run through these reviews like butter.
So anyway, here’s the deal: six dollar combo down at a place on The Hill. My crew runs that part of town, BTW. (Editor’s note: Chad’s friend works at 7-Eleven) I don’t remember the name of the place, signs are overrated, much like reading in general. It’s pretty easy to find though, your Bro-senses will start to tingle when you’re close, bro. For sure.
The atmosphere lacked some of the pizzazz featured at other Hill eateries, but compared to the New Vista community room this place was poppin'! This fine establishment served up some mad fresh food though. Seriously, they have a garden on the roof. That's more local than an Earth Task Force local lunch. This chick even came up to me, waddling across the floor, and I was all like, ‘Whoa, I didn't know they had free-range poultry here. Isn't that a little dangerous to let them walk around the establishment?’
On to the food: Six green ones will score you a fatty soda, filthy panini and swag bag of chips. Perfect storm lunch combo. The cheese:bread ratio left a bit to be desired. Same with the chips:air ratio in the bag. This is par for the course as all bros know. Bags of chips have been gettin' skimpier and skimpier. Looks like we got another potato famine in the works, am I right? Unlimited fountain drink refills score some bonus points.
Sure, you can get a panini that's not quite as filthy from Einstein's Bagels where they actually clean their panini press, and it's a little closer to campus, but you'll also be paying more for the convenience. Allow me to cite my bedside Bro Bible right quick: Bro Code rule #17: Never pay more than you have to. #56: Eat where the Bros eat. It's gotta be this place. Other ingredients (extra/other cheeses, veggies, marinara sauce, meats) are offered at 50¢ a piece. Opting for the daily special panini or a combo panini will score you bonus toppings at a buy two get three steal-deal. That's the steezy. Bilbo Swaggins out.
Peers, know your intellectually-approved vocab:
Definition of SWAG: An ornamental drapery or curtain draped in a curve between two points. <The decking was edged with timber posts and a rope swag.>
— swagged, swag·ging, swags intransitive verb
— swag, swags noun
2/20 Warm-Up
Earth Task Force Concerned About Extinction of Study Center Mice
From the West-Bowl to the East-Bowl, mice are disappearing across the school. The Earth Task Force has taken notice, and is set to take action. In a community gathering announcement next week the Force will unveil a new rewards program for leaving the mice at the computers. Because apparently people have to mess with everything unless they are rewarded for not doing so. This is why we can't have nice things, such as usable computers.
2/13 Warm-Up
Student Comes Prepared To TCAP Test With #1 Pencil, Peers Jealous
Jeremy White, a freshman at Boulder High School, came equipped with a #1 pencil for today's TCAP test. The instrument was first spotted in Jeremy's hand at the school-sponsored cold breakfast this morning. Upon taking notice, several other students began gossiping about his pencil. Reports from Junior Leek Analyst (name here) include rumors that the #1 pencil cost $73, the core is make from unicorn hair, it was rejected as a James Bond gadget and may not actually be different from a #2 pencil. Still, feelings of jealousy and inadequacy are common today.
Issue #2
2/6 Warm-Up
Robotics Rent-A-Robot
A heartwarming gesture from the robotics team came in the form of a Valentine's Day robot rental service.
Warm-Up 1/30
Local Area Man Fed Up With Grandmother's Sweaters
"I've gotten them every-other year and dealt with it. This is too much though. The matching cap and baby blue mittens is just so tacky, I can't stand it. She wonders why I never smile in the family portraits! Well, Bamma, now you know."
This new trend in rogue grandmothers attempting to add their own spice to the world of fashion has taken some interesting turns. Unfortunately, limited articles of clothing actually surface on the streets, as grown men have a disdain for their elder's gifts.
Warm-Up 1/29
Robotics Rent-A-Robot
All kinds of malfunctions, metal hands too pointy and cold, short-circuit at dinner, out in snow "It finally decides to snow this year, on valentines day of all days, and my love bot shorts out."
Issue #1
Issue #1 Story:
New Vista Mathletes Admit to Doping Allegations
In a shocking twist, the students involved in Mathletes admitted to doping in order to increase their performance during the competition. On the night of, January 13th, several students including: (Editor's note: Names redacted due to privacy concerns) publicly announced their use of stimulants to improve their mathematical prowess. Over the past three years, the Mathletes team has acquired three first place trophies and one second place award. In fear of the controversy getting out, no Community Gathering announcements have been made regarding their success. The team met with a representative from the MDMA (Mathematical Doping Mitigation Association) on the thirteenth to discuss the issue. Details are scarce as of now, but one student has issued this statement:
"We would have these parties, you know, where we all sat around and drank Five-Hour Energies, we downed pot after pot of coffee, kids were crushing up Flintstones chewables or making lines of Emergen-C and snorting them. Now that I think back on it, we were being really irresponsible and just not making good choices. I speak for the whole team when I say that we are deeply sorry for our actions. This whole situation is a disgrace to the intellectual community we want to foster." -Anonymous Mathlete
The club originally denied the accusations, stating that the excess vitamins helped strengthen their immune systems. This reasonable claim fooled school officials, with the upcoming flu season threatening epidemic levels. New Vista's tissue shortage acted as another excuse for the students.
"They had me go out and get all of the supplements for them. It made sense at the time. If any of them got sick our chances at first place would be ruined. With how few tissue boxes we have left around here, the sick would be sent home. Late nights spent studying require lots of coffee, this is a known fact. I just didn't realize how much they were consuming in conjunction with everything else. All of these events have occurred behind my back. I thought the kids were genuinely great at math, but now I see that they were just on performance enhancers like caffeine the whole time. I'm sorely disappointed." - Hunter Chen, Mathletes club supervisor.
The team is set to make an appearance in an interview with Oprah later in the month. Further complications are added by the vitamin "B12," which some scientists claim actually promotes healthier brain function. Kirk has issued a hold on New Vista's participation in the annual Mathletes competition for next year until a thorough investigation on the issue has been completed.
1/15 Warm-Up
Students Tense About Upcoming Tisscal Cliff (Or Hurricane Fiber)
As tissue supplies run low around the school, many students are growing increasingly nervous about the tisscal situation. With flu season looming on the horizon, a decision needs to be made about the next shipment of tissues. (Kirk and Marco can't decide which brand to buy) Kirk:
"The ones with lotion are so much nicer" Marco: "I know these students best, and the lotion ones don't absorb fast enough. Students can't grip their pencils well enough."
"We're right in the middle of flu season. It's an epidemic just waiting to happen."
Pfouts: "No, you just don't do that. Tissues are vital to the schools infrastructure." Sends students on field trip to buy tissues.
(?)Undated Warm-Up
Restorative Justice to introduce torture to help students talk
by RJD2
After multiple incidents of uncooperative Restorative Justice (RJ) cases, the team has decided to implement ancient Chinese torture methods. They hope the new tactic will simultaneously make meetings go more swiftly and discourage kids from their actions in the first place.
"My personal favorite is known as Zhàngxing, which is basically just hitting them with a two-by-four."
"Brutal? Perhaps. Effective? Quite."
Student responds, "Ow."
1st Websheet - Websheet the 1st
3rd NewSheet - NewSheet the 3rd
4th NewSheet - NewSheet the 4th
5th NewSheet - NewSheet the 5th
6th NewSheet - NewSheet the 6th
CYWTB - CYWTB Google Doc
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