Moose's Page

2/27/13 Warm-up

Congress Forced to Take TCAPs, score partially proficient

In accordance with new federal laws, all members of congress were forced to take the TCAP. The test was conducted last week and the results have just come in. The mean of all the scores adds up to be partially proficient. Arnold Schwarzenegger--governor of California--got a "poor" rating and had this to say, "It may true that I got a poor rating on the TCAP but, remember... I'm not a test taker, I'M THE GOVERNATOR! I'LL BE BACK, AND TAKE THIS TEST WITH EXTREME PREPARATION!!" Arnold subsequently was escorted off the stage by his security team for a breather and some cookies. 

The results of this test haven't changed the public's opinion on congress, rather it has merely reinforced it.  

What I want to do:

• Charter Group: Global - Horsemeat

• 2/22/13 warm up finish for leek article

• Might try to finish my TCAP issue

• Wouldn't mind being involved in filming

2/22/13 Warm-up

Student Steals the 'Them Are Shoes' Shoes for Shoes on their Shoes

The famous 'Them Are Shoes' shoes have been stolen as of last Saturday night at approximately 8:32 PM at New Vista High School. Subsequently, Kirk--the principle of the school--has implemented mandatory locker, backpack, and cavity searches. Top detectives have come up with a motive, "The most likely cause of the aforementioned shoe stealing, most likely has to do with the new trend of wearing shoes on your shoes" said Detective Johan "We will be monitoring for double shoe perpetration for the next couple weeks until the culprit is found or another cause becomes evident."

The detectives went on to state that the thief most likely has either minute or giant feet. The panic that has ensued from this travesty has affected the students of New Vista greatly. Students have been reportedly ditching %30 more often, it seems that the morale of the school has dissipated with its loss of shoes. "The shoes are like, the schools mascot man. I just can't concentrate knowing they might be endanger, what if the thief's feet stink?!" Rumors of a student vigilante group have come to surface.   

2/20/13 Warm-up 

Earth Task Force Combats mice extinction in study center, assembly to be held

TCAP Warm-up

TCAP Scandal--Student Draws Outside Boundary

Local New Vista Student Jacob "Dops" Dopler has been convicted of drawing outside of the TCAP boundaries. Anyone who's ever taken the TCAP before knows that it is imperative that you stay inside the lines, but this student thought otherwise- "You know, I'm tired of the MAN trying to tell me where to eat, where to sleep, where to go, and most offensively, where to draw. How can we as a society progress unless we break the molds of our contemporary testing?" The student was subsequently arrested three minutes and 44.56483920383 seconds after the heresy against the educational overlords. A SWAT team was sent in at the first sign of a line crossing. A TCAP representative had this to say "It clearly says in our 26 page intro to the instructions that you cannot go outside the lines, this would upset the Overlords--ALL HAIL THE EDUCATIONAL OVERLORDS. What it doesn't say however, is that there are highly sensitive and strategic super sentient sensors that know when lead comes into contact with that region of the page."     

2/12/13 Warm-up

Recent survey finds that Joe has the highest approval rating over all other faculty

Joe the Janitor has an approval rating of 97% according to the most recent study facilitated by Hunter's United New-Vistian Team for Egregious Research (or H.U.N.T.E.R. for short). The study took samples from all grade levels--naturally excluding freshman as their opinions are irrelevant--and  

2/6/13 Warm-up

New study suggests seniors superior in every way to freshmen.  

A study conducted by the United National Fervent Research to End Student Hiatuses--or U.N.F.R.E.S.H for short--has published their results today. The study was conducted over the course of the last four years with high schools from over 30 different states. They took freshman from the myriad of schools and examined their behavior up until they had finished their senior year. According to the results of this study, they found that all students were considered "more hip" and "less annoying" by the time they were seniors. A meta analysis manifested as a graph indisputably shows a decrease in loudness, vapid opinions, and general irresponsibility. 

One thing this study cannot answer is if not being a freshman causes this change, or if becoming a senior initiates it. One thing It can suggest however, is that seniors are objectively better than freshman.  

1/30/13 Warm-up

Bird Prohibition Failing

Out of accordance with the 28th amendment--enacted by Obama and the senate last year--birds are still around. If you're unfamiliar, the 28th amendment prohibits all birds and other avian like animals from entering the United States. Except of course, for eagles, as they are "Kick ass" according to our president. Critics of this amendment have been quick to point out that we simply cannot ban bird from the united states, as they are not capable of following legislation. "Shoo as you may, the birds will not leave." said Dr. Carbomb of the California Institute for Bird Studies. "While it would be far more pleasant across the board if the bird were to 'piss off', the fact of the matter is that birds lack the intelligence to understand the law."      

1/29/13 Warm-up

Science Class Catches Cupid; Harnesses Love Compound

New Vista teacher Kate Hartman has been accused of illegally detaining Cupid and extracting the element responsible for the falling in love effect his arrows possess. On a typically unorthodox field trip that Kate was hosting, her and her class came across a injured Cupid that had crashed into some of bushes by New Vista. They found that the Cupid had damaged his wing by some manner and was unable to fly. Naturally, the students insisted on taking Cupid inside to nurture it back to health. Kate on the other hand, had different plans for the fallen creature.  

   Just Saying ;-0

Warm-up 1/11/13:

Robotics club finally finishes Mike's sentient robotic super-beard. 

After several years of construction, teacher Mike Codrey's beard has met it technological superior. The robotics team has been in the works of recreating Mike's beard since sometime in January of 2010. 

"Mike's beard is great and all, but we wondered how much better science could emulate it. We wanted it to be better, stronger, faster, thicker, and of course, able to think for itself" -Says an insider. As of now, the implications of such a device are for debate. Some fear repercussions similar to that of Terminator and other similar technological disaster movies. Ed Kashcins had this to say: "You know, it just used to be a moderately friendly competition between Mike and I's beards. But ever since this... sentient super beard came on the scene it's just felt unfair, inequitable practically. Perhaps next year we'll add beard equity to the panel." Others question the practicability of mega facial hair. "It just kind of floats around and mutters things to itself. I don't think..."  

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Warm-up 1/15/13:

New Vista High School "Tissue Issue" Causes Imminent Debt

Got an issue? Well this school certainly doesn't have a tissue for you. New Vista High School's tissue budget has always been a controversial issue for the students and staff at the school, but recently the problem has gone beyond debate. "I don't think any of us really anticipated this happening, even the anti-tissue activists didn't think this would happen" Says a local New Vista student. When questioned about the school's tissue budget, Kirk Quitter had this to say "We try so hard to meet the needs of our students, whether it be CE's, class variety, or in this case, adequate tissue distribution, we ALWAYS try our best. None of us seems to know how we over spent our budget, but the reality is, we need a new method to get tissues into the classroom. This is one topic, that we should not be quitters on..." Several students and teachers have suggested petitioning congress to supply the tissues from tax payer money; but, critics of this argue that more spending, will only make us worse off. Rumors have spread about a underground and secret slave labor in order to hand make the tissues.