Peter's Page

Issue #3

TCAP warm-up: 

Student sells TCAP rulers and protractors on Ebay

It has come to our attention that a student has taken his ruler and protractors and put them up for sale on Ebay. He got them signed by Justin Bieber and now third to eighth graders are going bonkers trying to get their hands on these special rulers and protractors. The rulers are no selling for 3.5 thousand dollars and the protractors are going for 7 thousand. This problem has now caused teachers to have to check every students envelope of tools to make sure that they are all returned. 

Family Reunited at New Vista.

Long lost family, Peter, Marissa, and Martin Park, are once again safely reunited at New Vista. One fateful day at the mall Martin caught a scent of some magical aroma coming from Victoria's Secrete and he just had to see what it was. When he turned back around Peter and Marissa had vanished. 15 years went by with out a word of their knowledge of their location. We had an exclusive interview with Peter to figure out where he has been for the past 15 years. "When my dad left me at the mall that one day this family came by and thought that I was their adopted son. They took me home and I have lived with them ever since. It has been a great life but I havent been able to completely be a part of their family." 

Peter was so glad when he found his dad once again at New Vista same with his sister. "I never knew how much I would miss my older sister cause we used to always fight and argue about something. I guess you never know what you have until its gone." 

The Parks are now figuring out how to live together again because bonds have been created with their other families. 

Issue #2

Kim (right) and Scott (left) are taking their engagement picture for their card that they are going to send out to everyone and someone's dog decides to join in on the picture and leave behind his own little treat. There wedding is scheduled for Wednesday April 31st 2013. Kim and Scott are upset because the dog only came into the picture for the one time one of them wasn't blinking. They have taken at least one hundred photos but this is the only one where they are happy about how they look. Kim and Scott are searching everywhere to find a good graphic designer to help with this dog problem.

Marco's Love advice.

Dear Marco the person that I like doesn't even know that I exist but I am too afraid to approach him. What do I do?

Well this is a very common problem that people have and my advice is that don't approach them. You don't want to come off too "clingy." Stay away from them and the truth is, love sucks. It never works out and someone always gets hurt. Love is something that just makes people disappointed because it's never what they expect. People expect that it is this really fun great thing but really all you do is just fight and disagree about everything and that is what love truly is so my best suggestion is to wait until you die. 

Dear Marco, I've never kissed anyone and I am 17. All my friends have kissed people and I just don't know what is wrong with me. What should I do?

First off don't worry about kissing its really not that great, plus we don't need any more people kissing in the hall ways. But some tips for when you do have your first kiss, remember that your partner is probably just as nervous as you are so just remain calm. When you lean in for the kiss keep your mouth as wide open as possible and stick your tongue out as far as possible. then just have fun explore with your tongue also people find it very sexy if you make eye contact. 

New Super Costco

At regular grocery stores there are the boxes that dispense the gum and when you go to Costco you can buy those boxes of pack of gum and when you go to Super Costco you can buy boxes of the boxes of the packs of gum. "This is amazing I can now supply my self with enough gum to last me for a week now." Says a gum chewing enthusiast who chews about 40-50 pieces of gum a day.  

Student uses "Wait what?" as a Jedi Mind Trick to get out of doing work.

"I have learned that usually after the second time you say 'Wait, What?' to a teacher they will usually give up and just say 'Never mind." This new strategy of getting around teachers questions is really ruining the work ethics of the students. One New Vista student has a B- and is on honor roll.  

Mystery pooper lying low; school lunches lack fiber.

The mystery pooper has not striked recently and the police are worried about who this person could be and when will he strike next!. Parents complaining that the school lunch does not have enough fiber. "My student is not having normal bowel movements and its because the school lunches do not have enough fiber." The cooks are doing everything they can to help with this dilemma and they say that they have even started blending fiber one bars and mixing that in to the salad dressing and pizza sauce. Students are starting to not like the food they are eating and a couple students have been heard groaning and moaning in the stalls and complain they are constipated. 

****Issue # 1Obama to Blame For this Tissue Issue.******

Lots of flu out breaks are happening at New Vista because of this tissue issue. Kids don't have a sanitary facial tissue to blow snot into so they have resorted to blowing their noses in others kids hair and on their clothing. This is causing lots of germs to be spread much more quickly. "I am worried about what to do about this tissue issue because I can't get sick for the 7 time this quarter." One student says after 3 of his friends come down with flu like symptoms. Unfortunately,Obama isn't giving enough money towards schools,making teachers go to extremes.A resource stated that a local teacher, Pfouts is requiring students to split the tissues and start to ration the supply. Especially with Obama's wife, Michel Obama, focusing on the fat kids and taking away the salt shakers they don't really care about whether or not kids are healthy because the fact that the flu doesn't kill that many people and Obama wants to prove that his health care system is working.  

5 year old kid walks out of school unnoticed.  

Little kid decides that she wants to leave school a little early that day and just leaves without anyone noticing that she has left. Her mom was terrified and started crying when she heard that her kid was missing from school. Little Trinity usually loves school but that day she said that she didn't feel like being there so she just left.