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advisory attempts to adopt human infant:  

Is it time to stab myself in the eye with this #2 pencil?

Issue #3

TCAP: probably the new vista to lay off students due to poor tcap scores

issue # 3: not sure yet maybe the crack n cheese thing or something else

Overheard at New Vista high school:

"I have fruit loops."

"Well, I hope they're organic."

"We were going to date, but I decided I was too Gucci for her."

"

New Vista to lay off students: Kirk threatens to lay off students if they do poorly on the upcoming TCAP.

    At last weeks community gathering Kirk told students and staff a lay off was in the soon future. He went on to say "The lay off will not be for staff members, but for students. We want to make it clear how important it is to do well on TCAP this year, if you do poorly, you will be asked to leave the school and go else where." Students and staff members became shocked. One staff member suggested the possibility that Kirk was simple bluffing and would never damage the New Vista community like that. Other staff members and students weren't sure how to react so they left the auditorium speechless.  

    Leek members and the New Vista community eventually came into agreement that a meeting should be held to talk about laying off students. A staff member for the leek was sent in to the meeting to observe and take notes. While they were there the following questions came up multiple times; Is this really in everyone's best interest? How poorly does one have to do to get laid off? How many students will be laid off? Will there still be cookie Friday? Can I smoke during TCAP breaks?

    Kirk answered the questions as well as possible, but it was obvious many students didn't receive the answers they were looking for. Students were left taking the most important test of their lives in terror. The Leek staff predicts that students scores will hit an all time low this year. It's obvious that the New Vista administration planned this so they'll have a reason to lay off more students. 

New Vista hires team of (someeeehthththhttingnggg) to boost students confidence during TCAP hours

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warm up 1/11/13

Anatomy Class: Suspected of Hunting Animals for Dissection

    Kate Hartman, a local high school science teacher has been implicated in an unauthorized science project. Hartman's anatomy class was caught red handed hunting for various animals while they were supposed to be preparing for an upcoming test. Hartman allegedly wrote a grant for shotguns and high capacity assault rifles to be used during this so called "field trip." She spent several weeks writing it, and even had the Earth Task Force put several hours of sweat, blood, and tears into writing the grant. It was learned that Hartman had the students number off into groups and go hunting in the Cascade Natural Preserve, Beach Park, The Cemetery, and in the back field. Allegedly,  the class dragged mostly dead animals back to room, including some geese that were shot dead in the back field, for further observation and then, dissection. After the word got out of the barbaric hunting sessions the anatomy class has been having most students and faculty are requesting information on why they resorted to such methods.

  The class, made up of mostly upperclassmen,  refused to comment on this matter due to colleges in the area finding out, but we lucked out and got a few "off the record" statements.

    One student made a comment saying "As we passed Joel's classroom he stuck his head out and barked, 'I hope you're at least going to clean up this bloody mess!' I was surprised he didn't faint."

 Another source reported: "I saw Kate's class running for the hills, and I thought it must be so Joe doesn't see who made the mess on the floor." 

    Shocking as it may be, few New Vista community members were concerned about the lives that were lost. They were more worried about who was going to clean up this horrific mess in the 300 and 200 hallways? We suspect that this initial reaction was due to how the case of the pooper was handled. 

    A respected member of the NVHS community pointed out at last week's community gathering, "It hurts me to see all these important figures in the Boulder area hunting in city limits on top of people dumping on public bathroom floors." Many students nodded their heads in agreement, with a few shouts of encouragement thrown in, other students continued texting.

    The state attorney declined making any comments on the incident due to the on going investigation on the matter. Some neighbors of the school even say this isn't the first time a hunting expedition has been planned by teachers of this cutting edge school. There have been several police reports on dead animals being shot and left in the surrounding community, but no real action has been taken. 

    There will be a meditation and mate circle for the lives that were lost in this horrific tragedy. There will also be an open mic all night vigil. Religious leaders from throughout Boulder will contribute to this ceremony, so everyone in Boulder can participate. Local businesses that are organizing this event are having a few difficulties, one of them being able to find a local member of the Christian faith to talk to the Boulder community. Please join us at this ceremony being held in the NVHS gym at 6pm. Drum circle to be held at 8:30 until the waxing of the new moon.

warm up 2/6/13

Joel gives up barking?: Teacher previously known for barking meows at student.

    Last week the whole 300 hallway gasped in silence after hearing several meows coming from one of the classrooms. Students made comments such as "did someone bring their cat to school, again?" and "Who likes cats anymore?" Students across the hall from Joel's room told their teacher they were going to the bathroom, but they were just venturing out to investigate. The meowing continued at a constant rate until sobbing interrupted. It's been reported that student who was being meowed at broke out in tear because of the shock of not hearing a bark, but a meow instead.   

    It would be normal for someone in New Vista to hear barking coming from anywhere and everywhere due to New Vista's very own Joel Simon, but meowing pushed the students to the edge. It didn't take long for the news to pass through the school, everyone knew about the meowing by the time am block ended. 

    Many students took it in to their own hands to ask Joel why he was meowing, he responded by saying "I'm giving up barking for good it's just something I need to do for myself and my loved ones." The members of the New Vista community took it hard, some of them unable to even comprehend what he said. Following the shock of hearing what Joel had said a student ran out the 200 hallway doors into the smoker section and lit up a cigarette so he could take it all in. The junior went on the record and stated "I knew Mike was gonna jump out and take a pic of me but I had no other choice. I just like needed a cig real bad. It was worth the detention." 

    After hearing the news about Joel making major changes in his life that seemed to be making a bigger impact on the community than previously thought Kirk made an announcement stating that there will be grief counseling held in Diane's office at lunch for the next week. Kirk even told Leek employees that: "Several students came up to me expressing how worried they were about Joel and, I took it as a sign that the whole school needs help coping with losing the old barking Joel they all knew and loved."

Crack and Cheese: Noodles & Company putting crack in the mac n cheese.

        People all over Boulder are findin" ' g it more difficult to resist the Mac n' Cheese at Noodles & Company. The company's consumer rates are sky rocketing, and the leek decided to open the case of the crack n' cheese. The leek employ applied to the Noodles & Company down at Basemar for a cashier position

    The employ reported that in the beginning all seemed normal

No legitimate evidence has been found, but many locals are convinced there is crack being put in the Mac n' Cheese. Outrageous amounts of Boulder residents seem to be addicted to the Crack n' Cheese. 

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TCAP warm-up

    Last week children in the United States participated in standardized testing. In Colorado the name was recently changed to TCAP instead of CSAP. It's been reported that after reading a short story in the reading section of the TCAP a students life was claimed to be changed. The student was taking the test at New Vista High School in the 200 hallway. After reading the story he closed his book, stood up from his desk, and left the school for good.

     Students and staff were left in shock, "I've never heard of someone just getting up and leaving before, he didn't even leave his test booklet with the teacher." an anonymous student who shared the same TCAP room stated. In the directions for the TCAP it very clearly says that if you need to leave the classroom you must raise your hand to ask the teacher for permission, and then if that permission is granted then you may leave after closing your booklet and placing it on the teachers desk.